NSFW Does anyone else miss physical intimacy?

[letsgetittogo]

I haven't hugged anyone since November, haven't been intimate with anyone I care about since September.
I miss being held, I miss holding hands, I miss hugs. I miss telling someone I love them. I miss sleeping in a girl's arms.
This is the loneliest I've been in my entire life since I've stopped trying to talk to new people as I've gotten more suicidal.

Does anyone else miss physical intimacy? Does it make anyone else even want to ctb even more? Do you think loneliness makes you want to ctb more? Or that being suicidal makes you isolate yourself?

I didn't want to be this suicidal and lonely :/ the only comfort I find is being suicidal with everyone else on the forum

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Can't miss it if I've never had it, although it sounds like one of the best possible experiences ever so I can at least understand that it must be awful to no longer get to have it once you've tasted it.

 

[kilowatt]

I do. Every moment of the day. I used to be a very touchy and physical person with my friends and girlfriend but now they're all gone. At this point I'm probably the problem.

Well, less people to miss me in the end. But it still sucks.

 

[errorsinmypast]

I always tell myself I don't but really I do. It's so special to be vulnerable and in love with someone, the safe contentment fuzzy feeling. I miss having someone to talk my day over with, run ideas past, thoughts, feelings, whinges etc. You know reflecting back over all the times I thought I was in love, I realise now that I've only ever loved one person and I ruined that after 17 years. I find it crazy how we think we love people then as we get older we realise it was just good s*x not love. Wise old wisdom comes with age

 

[Malaria]

Yes, I miss being hugged by someone who isn't a family member.

 

[sserafim]

No because I never even had physical intimacy in the first place, nor do I want to. I can't miss something I never had. I hate being touched. I see it as an invasion of my personal space and boundaries. I do want to try sex though, but only out of curiosity

 

[Yarani]

I miss just being hugged or touched in any other kind way so badly.

Somehow writing this brought forth the tears. I wasn't aware it was that bad. Constantly trying to occupy my mind with anything else.

Do you think loneliness makes you want to ctb more? Or that being suicidal makes you isolate yourself?

Both. It's a spiral that's hard to break. The further it goes, the harder it becomes.

 

[Forveleth]

My love language is physical touch. I am with someone now but as they are the root of many of my mental problems, I feel gross whenever they touch me. I miss being touched and actually liking it.

 

[letsgetittogo]

I miss just being hugged or touched in any other kind way so badly.

Somehow writing this brought forth the tears. I wasn't aware it was that bad. Constantly trying to occupy my mind with anything else.


Both. It's a spiral that's hard to break. The further it goes, the harder it becomes.

I feel similar to you :,) most of it isn't even horny or sexual.
It's more so being comforting and safe and soothing that I miss. Just feeling complete relaxation in someone's arms, or holding someone's hand

I agree with your spiral too. I miss it sm and it's making me depressed, and the depression makes me isolate even more

It's torture

 

[weatherforecast]

I am curious how it would feel to be hugged by someone I like. I have been hugged by family members, but it just felt uncomfortable since I've never been connected to them or anyone IRL

 

[ihateearth]

No. Too many people use people for sex. Some lie about their intentions even if they're normally a good person just to use someone for a physical release. Physical touch and sex transfer energy between people. Yes a hug can be comforting but I don't feel like having my energy field touched.

If wise or after negative experiences some people learn how to benefit from being used to the point that being used turns into a useful thing for them to use against others. They divorce themselves from connecting during intimacy and physical things.

I've been touched too many times in life. Even against my will and by people who lied. I only want to be touched if it benefits me or by a loving family member. Giving and receiving energy in physical exchanges exhausts me as others seek to use or pull for themselves. I can feel it. I need something in exchange and dissociate.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

My love language is physical touch. I am with someone now but as they are the root of many of my mental problems, I feel gross whenever they touch me. I miss being touched and actually liking it.

I very much relate to this.

Although I don't feel my partner is the root of my issues, which makes me feel even worse as I don't feel it's their fault.

 

[lostforever77]

My stylist gave me a hug. It was then that I realized that we have not been hugged in a year. It really did make my day, could not stop smiling. But its sad that has been my only physical contact with another person in so long.

 

[sserafim]

No. Too many people use people for sex. Some lie about their intentions even if they're normally a good person just to use someone for a physical release. Physical touch and sex transfer energy between people. Yes a hug can be comforting but I don't feel like having my energy field touched.

If wise or after negative experiences some people learn how to benefit from being used to the point that being used turns into a useful thing for them to use against others. They divorce themselves from connecting during intimacy and physical things.

I've been touched too many times in life. Even against my will and by people who lied. I only want to be touched if it benefits me or by a loving family member. Giving and receiving energy in physical exchanges exhausts me as others seek to use or pull for themselves. I can feel it. I need something in exchange and dissociate.

How do physical touch and sex transfer energy between people? What do you mean by energy field? Like an aura? Does everyone have the same kind of energy and energy field?

 

[whiteclaudia]

i was neglected and have been isolated for the majority of my life. consequently, i've stayed in multiple terrible relationships purely for the physical contact. i'm glad i left the last one, given how dark it got, but i still miss it. i guess i mostly miss the friends that convinced me i deserved better. they're the first real support system i've ever had.

the combination of moving back in with a neglectful parent and being an expensive bus ticket away from anyone who cares is...not fun mentally. it's why i'm on sasu, waffling between methods or recovering. definitely not just you.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I haven't hugged anyone since November, haven't been intimate with anyone I care about since September.
I miss being held, I miss holding hands, I miss hugs. I miss telling someone I love them. I miss sleeping in a girl's arms.
This is the loneliest I've been in my entire life since I've stopped trying to talk to new people as I've gotten more suicidal.

Does anyone else miss physical intimacy? Does it make anyone else even want to ctb even more? Do you think loneliness makes you want to ctb more? Or that being suicidal makes you isolate yourself?

I didn't want to be this suicidal and lonely :/ the only comfort I find is being suicidal with everyone else on the forum

I get this. I remember as a child how my grandma would grip my hand and kiss me with so much feeling. I realise now it's because the older you get, instances of intimacy are rare.

That said, any intimacy I crave has to be accompanied with real feeling. For years I was having sex with a man I didn't love just to keep the peace and that was soul destroying. I have stopped doing that by managing to blag menopause symptoms as a reason not to.

Last night my son lay by my side and we held each other and that was beautiful. Parent-child physical affection is beautiful. No agenda or expectations, just pure love.

 

[latte art]

I do. :( But I also recognise that I'm holding myself back by maintaining standards that are above me at the moment. I need to work on myself and put myself out there.

 

[terra.nuvo]

I miss it often. I remember how it felt to hold hands with someone I liked and to hug them and be close with them and it makes me feel so lonely now that I'll probably never get that again. I gotta learn how to live with the pain though I don't really know how to.

 

[1MiserableGuy]

Marriage has a way of losing it fast

 

[HereTomorrow]

Intimacy is weird for me.

On one hand, I absolutely love it. It's the best feeling ever and best enjoyed with someone who also appreciates me the same way I do to them. I had a minor cuddle buddy in high school (SFW, not friends with benefits) for a little over a year and I miss it all.

On another hand, I'm terrified of intimacy. Being SA'd as a child, I feel a rush of comfort and fear when being held or focused on physically, even when the person is genuine. Having that cuddle buddy felt nice, but some days I froze up and freaked out by cuddling. To this day the friend doesn't know but I don't blame them especially because I barely regonized what happened to me back then.

I've gotten hugged by a friend last month and I both wanted to physically pull myself away on impulse and at the same time sink deeper into the comfort and hug her more. It's something I'm hoping one day I can enjoy it fully without fear. I absolutely want it and I'm touch starved to death. Even getting a light hug makes my day and I stop fantasizing my death. Just someone who cares about me.

 

[robotomy]

You said that you haven't hugged since november...well for me it's been years (maybe alot of years). I think I might be really, really touch-deprived throughout my life. Maybe my dad was touchy with me, but I don't remember. He passed away 10 years ago so I cant ask him. And it might be a weird thing to ask my mom. Speaking of mom, she's a great person but wasn't touchy or even lovey-dovey with me for some reason. No goodnight kisses, and very rare hugs (one of the rare hugs was during my dad's funeral). I'm mixed-race, so it might be a cultural differences kind of thing. It's hard to believe because that culture is full of the nicest people around. But the culture has some oddities, so maybe that manifested in some way.

Idk exactly how I feel about being touch deprived. I've heard that some struggling lonely dudes and/or "i"-words (that word gets flagged for mod approval apparently) are also touch-deprived. But I dont act like them. Mainly because reality is much more complicated than both sides make it seem (including both i-words and the i-word-haters). But part of that might be because I usually dont feel the 'void' of that touch deprivation.

But idk, sometimes I get glimpses of a 'void'. Many people sleep in a fetal position, and that sometimes includes hugging your pillow, which I've done (I remember dry-humping it as a teenager too, but let's not get into that LOL, and at least I dont have a waifu body pillow).

Anyways, another example is that I went to the barber recently, and ruffling through my hair felt good. Pets like being petted, and as a bird enjoyer, they in particular do something called "preening" to each other....and I guess it's some sort of bonding activity (probably mostly between one other bird of exclusivity). Friendly reminder that birds also throw up into offspring's mouths to feed them. And I'm sure me sharing food with mom is a really common thing. Of course, that's as far as we'd take it with that lol. But my point is, we might share some of these kinds of "bonding" similarities.

I also think that I tend to start liking people who like me first, so getting into intimate relationships isn't as likely because guys usually have to be the initiator. I mean I know girls who've liked me growing up, but I think I mentally grow up slower than usual, so it was never a high enough priority to reciprocate. I've never been in a relationship so I dont have those 'intense touchy' experiences there to know what it's like. I definitely am NOT touch-averse, but I dont know just how much I'd LIKE it. I just happen to have not fallen into that scenario. I just don't know what it's like...

There's a user here who's said that they wanna try sex to know what it's like. Well as a guy, I know that I'd like it lol (but it depends on some factors, thus not guaranteed). So I guess MY version of her musings is general touching and relationship-level intimacy...if I ever even get it at this point. But I'd rather try it than not.

And whoever sees this better not give me a damn hug react lol

 

[moshimoshi]

You said that you haven't hugged since november...well for me it's been years (maybe alot of years). I think I might be really, really touch-deprived throughout my life. Maybe my dad was touchy with me, but I don't remember. He passed away 10 years ago so I cant ask him. And it might be a weird thing to ask my mom. Speaking of mom, she's a great person but wasn't touchy or even lovey-dovey with me for some reason. No goodnight kisses, and very rare hugs (one of the rare hugs was during my dad's funeral). I'm mixed-race, so it might be a cultural differences kind of thing. It's hard to believe because that culture is full of the nicest people around. But the culture has some oddities, so maybe that manifested in some way.

Idk exactly how I feel about being touch deprived. I've heard that some struggling lonely dudes and/or "i"-words (that word gets flagged for mod approval apparently) are also touch-deprived. But I dont act like them. Mainly because reality is much more complicated than both sides make it seem (including both i-words and the i-word-haters). But part of that might be because I usually dont feel the 'void' of that touch deprivation.

But idk, sometimes I get glimpses of a 'void'. Many people sleep in a fetal position, and that sometimes includes hugging your pillow, which I've done (I remember dry-humping it as a teenager too, but let's not get into that LOL, and at least I dont have a waifu body pillow).

Anyways, another example is that I went to the barber recently, and ruffling through my hair felt good. Pets like being petted, and as a bird enjoyer, they in particular do something called "preening" to each other....and I guess it's some sort of bonding activity (probably mostly between one other bird of exclusivity). Friendly reminder that birds also throw up into offspring's mouths to feed them. And I'm sure me sharing food with mom is a really common thing. Of course, that's as far as we'd take it with that lol. But my point is, we might share some of these kinds of "bonding" similarities.

I also think that I tend to start liking people who like me first, so getting into intimate relationships isn't as likely because guys usually have to be the initiator. I mean I know girls who've liked me growing up, but I think I mentally grow up slower than usual, so it was never a high enough priority to reciprocate. I've never been in a relationship so I dont have those 'intense touchy' experiences there to know what it's like. I definitely am NOT touch-averse, but I dont know just how much I'd LIKE it. I just happen to have not fallen into that scenario. I just don't know what it's like...

There's a user here who's said that they wanna try sex to know what it's like. Well as a guy, I know that I'd like it lol (but it depends on some factors, thus not guaranteed). So I guess MY version of her musings is general touching and relationship-level intimacy...if I ever even get it at this point. But I'd rather try it than not.

And whoever sees this better not give me a damn hug react lol

Lmaoooo I was about to give you a hug react before I saw the last sentence

I haven't hugged anyone since November, haven't been intimate with anyone I care about since September.
I miss being held, I miss holding hands, I miss hugs. I miss telling someone I love them. I miss sleeping in a girl's arms.
This is the loneliest I've been in my entire life since I've stopped trying to talk to new people as I've gotten more suicidal.

Does anyone else miss physical intimacy? Does it make anyone else even want to ctb even more? Do you think loneliness makes you want to ctb more? Or that being suicidal makes you isolate yourself?

I didn't want to be this suicidal and lonely :/ the only comfort I find is being suicidal with everyone else on the forum

Yes I miss it very badly, it was one of the best feelings ever. I've only had it with 2 people before and one of them was sexually abusive to me so I don't miss it from them, the thought makes me want to puke and gouge my eyes out. But there was someone not too long ago that I cared very deeply about. We were very affectionate with eachother and it was the best feeling ever. I miss holding their hand and petting eachothers head and holding eachother tightly. All my problems would just melt away and I felt so at peace. Also cuddling while playing video games was the best. But now to go without it feels awful, I would rather not have had those experiences in the first place because it feels like torture now. I doubt I'll have something like that again for a very long time, I really miss physical affection

 

[Dark Moon]

Yes, I miss the touch of females. I had this happiness feeling when being hugged and touched it's hard to explain, some autistics hate being touched but I don't mind from a female.

 

[robotomy]

Lmaoooo I was about to give you a hug react before I saw the last sentence

I was only half-joking cuz , guess would pale in comparison to the real thing. Maybe s from you would be infectious cuz you've prob ed too many other users. U have an TD.

some autistics hate being touched but I don't mind from another female.

@Dark Moon Ok then I'll give you a hug react as a guy hehe

 

[Feedingbirds]

I never realized how not used to sfw intimacy I am until I run into one of those very touchy people. Idk if this makes sense but I kinda see myself as gross so I try not to touch other people much unless they initiate it.

I'm clean and stuff but I still feel like it they touch me they feel how gross I think I am and be disgusted. I do really wish I could just be comfortable sitting next to someone shoulder to shoulder. I think I miss it.

 

[Dark Moon]

@Dark Moon Ok then I'll give you a hug react as a guy hehe

Nooo, I meant hugs from females since I'm a guy. Sorry, I worded that wrong.

 

[robotomy]

Nooo, I meant hugs from females since I'm a guy. Sorry, I worded that wrong.

Don't worry, I was joking around

 

[robotomy]

You said that you haven't hugged since november...well for me it's been years (maybe alot of years). I think I might be really, really touch-deprived throughout my life. Maybe my dad was touchy with me, but I don't remember. He passed away 10 years ago so I cant ask him. And it might be a weird thing to ask my mom. Speaking of mom, she's a great person but wasn't touchy or even lovey-dovey with me for some reason. No goodnight kisses, and very rare hugs (one of the rare hugs was during my dad's funeral). I'm mixed-race, so it might be a cultural differences kind of thing. It's hard to believe because that culture is full of the nicest people around. But the culture has some oddities, so maybe that manifested in some way.

Idk exactly how I feel about being touch deprived. I've heard that some struggling lonely dudes and/or "i"-words (that word gets flagged for mod approval apparently) are also touch-deprived. But I dont act like them. Mainly because reality is much more complicated than both sides make it seem (including both i-words and the i-word-haters). But part of that might be because I usually dont feel the 'void' of that touch deprivation.

But idk, sometimes I get glimpses of a 'void'. Many people sleep in a fetal position, and that sometimes includes hugging your pillow, which I've done (I remember dry-humping it as a teenager too, but let's not get into that LOL, and at least I dont have a waifu body pillow).

Anyways, another example is that I went to the barber recently, and ruffling through my hair felt good. Pets like being petted, and as a bird enjoyer, they in particular do something called "preening" to each other....and I guess it's some sort of bonding activity (probably mostly between one other bird of exclusivity). Friendly reminder that birds also throw up into offspring's mouths to feed them. And I'm sure me sharing food with mom is a really common thing. Of course, that's as far as we'd take it with that lol. But my point is, we might share some of these kinds of "bonding" similarities.

I also think that I tend to start liking people who like me first, so getting into intimate relationships isn't as likely because guys usually have to be the initiator. I mean I know girls who've liked me growing up, but I think I mentally grow up slower than usual, so it was never a high enough priority to reciprocate. I've never been in a relationship so I dont have those 'intense touchy' experiences there to know what it's like. I definitely am NOT touch-averse, but I dont know just how much I'd LIKE it. I just happen to have not fallen into that scenario. I just don't know what it's like...

There's a user here who's said that they wanna try sex to know what it's like. Well as a guy, I know that I'd like it lol (but it depends on some factors, thus not guaranteed). So I guess MY version of her musings is general touching and relationship-level intimacy...if I ever even get it at this point. But I'd rather try it than not.

And whoever sees this better not give me a damn hug react lol

Now that I think about it...a couple of ppl have said i have long-ish arms. So maybe I'm meant to be more of a hugger rather than a hugged. Maybe even a 2 person hugger.

⎛⎞
⎢⎥
⎩⎭

 

[Dark Moon]

Don't worry, I was joking around

View attachment 137018

Alright, you got me I suppose.

 

[jujujr]

Everyday.