Does anyone else here have back to front social anxiety and also finds conversations utterly boring?

[Debbie Northampton U]

Or is it just me? I'm a total mess when it comes to chatting to people but my anxiety is back to front. I can go to the shops and chat to the cashiers no problem. I can chat to my doctor, anyone who's being paid to talk to me.

I struggle after ten minutes or so around people because I don't want them to get to know me. I appear confident at first but after a while I start stumbling. I also don't find conversations enjoyable and all I seem to want to do is sit at home on my own.

I am totally alone in life and cannot relax around ANYONE. I think I'm in a minority?

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate.
This happens to me with normal people all the time. I just don't want to talk to them because I'm not interesting in talking in normal stuff.

However, talking to people like you all, here on SS, helps me a lot!

I can talk about depression, suicide, anxiety, my meds and so on WITHOUT BEING JUDGE!

I just... love you all! Thanks!!

 

[Debbie Northampton U]

WOL, I can also chat about suicidal thoughts and deep stuff with people. I'm just not comfortable with banter if that makes sense? People are too quick for me and I find any other chit chat boring and mundane. I'm just a nervous wreck and will always be on my own. I just cannot be around people.

 

[disfiguredone]

I relate too. I also can appear friendly when making small talk with strangers in transactional contexts, but with family and acquaintances I grasp for things to say, can't follow people's stories (which seem ridiculously tedious), and unfailingly end up saying something cringey out of anxiety.

 

[Bat 17]

Or is it just me? I'm a total mess when it comes to chatting to people but my anxiety is back to front. I can go to the shops and chat to the cashiers no problem. I can chat to my doctor, anyone who's being paid to talk to me.

I struggle after ten minutes or so around people because I don't want them to get to know me. I appear confident at first but after a while I start stumbling. I also don't find conversations enjoyable and all I seem to want to do is sit at home on my own.

I am totally alone in life and cannot relax around ANYONE. I think I'm in a minority?

Why don't you want them to get to know you ?

 

[AE2021]

I can relate too. Am very much the same. And it also seems most people just want to talk at you and are waiting for their turn to talk instead of really engaging in conversation. They don't really want to listen...just talk.

 

[Debbie Northampton U]

I relate too. I also can appear friendly when making small talk with strangers in transactional contexts, but with family and acquaintances I grasp for things to say, can't follow people's stories (which seem ridiculously tedious), and unfailingly end up saying something cringey out of anxiety.

I can't even make small talk unless it's someone that's being paid to talk to me. But, like you, I always always say cringe and act cringe. I did it just now with my neighbours which is what bought me on here.

Why don't you want them to get to know you ?

I think, because I am boring and all I wanna do is stay home alone. If anyone talks to me I'm not listening cos I'm not interested/too in my head to listen/always looking for validation so I can never relax. People see me for what I am after ten mins.
All I wanna do is live alone and die alone even though it scares me and I feel so lonely sometimes. I don't know why I keep trying because it always goes tits up.

 

[Bat 17]

I think, because I am boring and all I wanna do is stay home alone. If anyone talks to me I'm not listening cos I'm not interested/too in my head to listen/always looking for validation so I can never relax. People see me for what I am after ten mins.
All I wanna do is live alone and die alone even though it scares me and I feel so lonely sometimes. I don't know why I keep trying because it always goes tits up.

They might not think you are boring (common fear for people with anxiety) but they will probably see pretty soon that you are not enjoying the conversation and start to take evasive action.

Maybe you aren't mixing with the right people. What do you like doing?

I can understand though. I was very socially anxious when I was in my early 20s. I still dislike chit chat although it's got easier as I'm less bothered what people think of me

 

[Debbie Northampton U]

They might not think you are boring (common fear for people with anxiety) but they will probably see pretty soon that you are not enjoying the conversation and start to take evasive action.

Maybe you aren't mixing with the right people. What do you like doing?

I can understand though. I was very socially anxious when I was in my early 20s. I still dislike chit chat although it's got easier as I'm less bothered what people think of me

Well I like ghost hunts but even then, I've been on some but I'm still so anxious/uncomfortable/not interested. I will only be interested/excited if something spooky happens. It's almost as if I just want full on excitement and mundane won't do. I really don't know. I just know I am terrified of rejection and kind of want people to fall all over me so I feel secure, so in the back of my mind I'm trying to work out how to get a positive response. Unless there's a drama I'm just not there mentally.

 

[Bat 17]

Well I like ghost hunts but even then, I've been on some but I'm still so anxious/uncomfortable/not interested. I will only be interested/excited if something spooky happens. It's almost as if I just want full on excitement and mundane won't do. I really don't know. I just know I am terrified of rejection and kind of want people to fall all over me so I feel secure, so in the back of my mind I'm trying to work out how to get a positive response. Unless there's a drama I'm just not there mentally.

That's cool I didn't even know ghost hunts was a thing lol.

Have you had any treatment for depression/anxiety? I found that antidepressants did more to improve my anxiety symptoms than my depressive ones.

Dont worry if you like your own space though, it probably means you are introverted and there's nothing wrong with that.

 

[Debbie Northampton U]

That's cool I didn't even know ghost hunts was a thing lol.

Have you had any treatment for depression/anxiety? I found that antidepressants did more to improve my anxiety symptoms than my depressive ones.

Dont worry if you like your own space though, it probably means you are introverted and there's nothing wrong with that.

Yeah, I think I'm just going to have to accept I cannot be around people. I've been on Fluoxetine for years and also Amitriptyline.

 

[Bat 17]

Yeah, I think I'm just going to have to accept I cannot be around people. I've been on Fluoxetine for years and also Amitriptyline.

It doesn't sound like you need to go that far. You speak insightfully about what's going on and how you are feeling and that's half the battle

 

[Debbie Northampton U]

The thing is AD, I'm totally different online. And ty for your advice. I think I should come in here more often cos I like this sort of chat/online chat in general.