Venting Does anyone else have like Self-preservation depression?

[antiqueantipodean]

Weird question but I feel kind of alone in it, does anyone else experience this?

Basically self-preservation depression is where you're so depressed that you actually end up doing a lot in the name of trying to stop yourself feeling worse and can't just mope around.

So like I get my stuff ready, I set alarms, I clean up, shower, brush my teeth and cook and I don't even need to I'm unemployed and everything but I only do it cause I know that it keeps me from being more depressed. Like today I did the washing cause I thought "if I have no clean clothes I'll be so depressed I'll continue to want to die" and I want to die so much as is that my mind keeps making me do these things even though I just want to rot in my bed.

Maybe it's a mix of the Autism and ADHD at play.

I do feel really sorry for you out there that have to do these things to actually survive and I should be grateful but cause I don't actually need to do them but do I can't be alone in my head and just be sad and it's killing me.

But does anyone else do this?

 

[Irisse]

This is true for me. I'm trying at college because I want to have a solid plan B if my ctb fails. My situation is kind of complicated but I also cannot afford bed rotting because I need to help my parents out of poverty and mysrlf out of toxic environment. If it means anything, I'm glad that you are functional enough to clean, as I admittedly sometimes have trouble with that. I hope you'll eventually feel better.

 

[JustDreamer]

Weird question but I feel kind of alone in it, does anyone else experience this?

Basically self-preservation depression is where you're so depressed that you actually end up doing a lot in the name of trying to stop yourself feeling worse and can't just mope around.

So like I get my stuff ready, I set alarms, I clean up, shower, brush my teeth and cook and I don't even need to I'm unemployed and everything but I only do it cause I know that it keeps me from being more depressed. Like today I did the washing cause I thought "if I have no clean clothes I'll be so depressed I'll continue to want to die" and I want to die so much as is that my mind keeps making me do these things even though I just want to rot in my bed.

Maybe it's a mix of the Autism and ADHD at play.

I do feel really sorry for you out there that have to do these things to actually survive and I should be grateful but cause I don't actually need to do them but do I can't be alone in my head and just be sad and it's killing me.

But does anyone else do this?

Yes. I'll often see my dirty room or kitchen/living room and think "this mess is overwhelming and making me sad let's just get rid of it real quick." or if I haven't showered in a few days I'll start to think "I feel overwhelmed by feeling greasy and gross, it'll only get worse and I'll feel sadder, let's just shower quickly and change so I can sleep."

I don't know if I do it necessarily because I don't want to die but more that the feeling of being overwhelmed by the mess or feeling dirty out weighs the feeling of hopelessness or depression. But I do understand what you're saying so I don't think you're alone at all.