Discussion Does anyone else have "friends" in their head?

[trying ungracefully]

I'm kind of lonely. I have my family and boyfriend but no friends. I am with my boyfriend almost everyday but there is hours that I'm alone and then some days I am alone.

When I was a kid I used to create fan fictions starring myself to a show I really loved. It stopped after a bit and I don't know when my imagination picked back up but it did. Now I have "friends" I talk to in my head and it is very elaborate. I will even get into disagreements where it usually ends in me hitting someone, I have a lot of anger built up I think. I can never put a face or name to these people but I talk to them just unconsciously and create random situations. When I listen to music it's the worst because I will try to find songs that match the story I am thinking of, that time involves real people.

I don't really like it anymore. I have experienced psychosis so I don't know if it is something related to that, ngl psychosis as a symptom confuses me, like can it just happen on it's own without me being manic and can it just be mild since I am on medication? I am just thinking it could be psychosis related because when I was manic and going through that episode I was talking to real people in my head like my grandma that I thought was actually communicating with me because she passed. Sometimes I think too when a random thought pops into my head that involves another person that they are also thinking about it too.

This just makes me really feel weird. I don't know if it is a strong coping mechanism or if it psychosis related and it worries me. Because I started this imagination thing as a kid but my mental health has been all over the place throughout the years. I was diagnosed with bipolar at 14 but it got removed because my therapist didn't think I had it. 5 years later I was diagnosed again as bipolar 1 after a manic episode. I want this to stop but if it is a strong coping mechanism it is going to be a lot harder because it can't be helped with medication.

Btw if you have seen my posts before I am sorry I write so much, when I am not talking out loud I can think and get all the information that I want out. Thank you if you read I like hearing others thoughts and everything since it gives me more insight or support on what I am posting. :)

 

[Forever Sleep]

Definitely when I was young, I would make up scenarios in my head and play act them out. I was an only child so, I suppose I learnt to keep myself company.

Into adulthood, I went through several bouts of limerence. So, that is very heavy on maladaptive daydreaming- picturing your fairytale life with them. Limerence was overall, way too problematic though so, I've been much stricter with myself in not indulging in it for good on 10 years now.

But sure- maybe not friends exactly but, I'll still find myself maladaptively daydreaming certain scenarios. It's not even really conscious I think. I just suddenly find myself picturing something.

I try to talk to myself in a kind voice when I'm feeling reluctant to do something. So, I suppose I see that person as a kind of supporter of me.

Plus, I can still imagine romantic figures when the need is there. Much better now that they are primarily fictional. I've learnt it better not to fixate on real life people.

It probably isn't all together healthy but, I don't really care. I'm happier not being around real life people and imaginary ones can still fill certain needs.