Worsethangarbage
Student
- Nov 13, 2018
- 138
I was just wondering if I was the only one doing that to prepare myself for it.
Redt2go
flower child
- Jan 5, 2019
- 1,643
No but I do Google search images of people who killed themselves and watch movies scenes of people killing themselves
Redt2go
flower child
- Jan 5, 2019
- 1,643
Yes, I've been watching videos on both sites to desensitize me to death.
throwaway123
Hell0
- Aug 5, 2018
- 1,446
A lot of people think that you can prepare yourself for death but to be honest if you're still here that means you still have something in your life that is preventing you from doing it.
Not necessarily. I'm still here because I have a lot of preparations to do. Other people are here because they're still researching reliable methods. There are multiple reasons that OPs here haven't CTBed yet.
Worsethangarbage
Student
- Nov 13, 2018
- 138
I just don't have a good available method honestly. I wish I could full body hang like in those videos.
mattwitt
# 978
- Jun 28, 2018
- 2,307
21Neberg
Enlightened
- Dec 17, 2018
- 1,624
I don't browse those sites. I find it makes me a bit sick, all those dead bodies. I'm such a fucking coward.
...Add YNC, Liveleak and Goregrish and you got yourself a morbidly curious spaz like myself.
ReadyasEver
Elementalist
- Dec 6, 2018
- 828
I agree with this. I'm here right now to make sure the house is in order. I'm in a different situation than many, but not all. My death is guaranteed, it's terminal. So, I will prepare and get things ready and have things set so when the pain starts to build, I can go.
wanttodie
Enlightened
- Apr 19, 2018
- 1,802
I think you have cancer too if I recall correctly? I'm like you, terminal, so I'm getting everything in order before I CTB. I'm going to avoid anything to do with staying in a hospice. I'm leaving on MY terms so I'll CTB before I get any worse. I hope you're feeling okay for the time being. My health and pain is having its ups and downs for now.
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You know whenever I see all those people who died in such unimaginable pain I'm left dumbfounded by how painful life and death are put together. Pain that none of us will ever understand until it happens to us. Like literally seeing shit like that makes me want to kill myself just as much as it would prevent me from ever experiencing that. Hanging or other methods doesn't sound too bad compared to the shit you'd see on those sites.
ReadyasEver
Elementalist
- Dec 6, 2018
- 828
We are the same my friend. I had a tough night with emotions of the inevitable the past 24 hours. I'm still sleeping well and after a goodnight's rest. I feel very calm, alert, and focused. I think the acceptance of your own situation comes in stages and I just went through one. I woke up and realized I did the best I could in this life. I made some bad mistakes, but I did a lot good also. The fear and regrets are disappearing slowly.
DeadlyLiving
I can't fix it, is this where I give in?
- Jan 1, 2019
- 152
I am not afraid of death but I am afraid of pain, that's mainly the reason why I am still alive and haven't thrown myself from a skyscraper. The chance to survive and be vegetable isn't pleasant to me at all. However I used to browse on r/watchpeopledie to look at other people killing themselves but they made the sub unavailable in Germany, lol.
agreement
Mage
- Mar 26, 2018
- 544
I visit watchpeopledie daily, but usually I watch only suicides and accidents.
It helps me for sure, desensitizing to death and gore in general and showing me how absolutely fragile and vapid are the human body and humam life.
Pick the most successful athlete or actor, the most genious scientist or the most wise man and put their heads under the wheels of a truck or a bus and the result will be the same pink puddle.
I'm ready to change my mind about CTB and life in general once that someone will be a ble to show me the ideas, the feelings and the thoughts in that puddle.
It helps me for sure, desensitizing to death and gore in general and showing me how absolutely fragile and vapid are the human body and humam life.
Pick the most successful athlete or actor, the most genious scientist or the most wise man and put their heads under the wheels of a truck or a bus and the result will be the same pink puddle.
I'm ready to change my mind about CTB and life in general once that someone will be a ble to show me the ideas, the feelings and the thoughts in that puddle.
Agreed. I've had nearly 5 years to accept it. The time has come really. I should be gone by the end of Feb as I don't want to complete 5 years of having this disgusting disease.
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Lady black
35 male, central Europe, German speaking
- Oct 22, 2018
- 1,192
I look at
https://goregrish.com/
and
https://www.documentingreality.com/forum/
I´m so happy for everyone that succeeded
https://goregrish.com/
and
https://www.documentingreality.com/forum/
I´m so happy for everyone that succeeded
I used to go to bestgore but of course I stopped it felt like an addiction to me I did use it as a form of desensitization and other reasons but honestly I don't think I'll ever be able to CTB but deep down I want to even though I can't I don't know the best method. It doesn't have to be shotgun but I don't know of the best painless way to go and I don't have the resources.
I don't want the guts to kill myself all on my own I think I wouldn't mind someone else doing it for me not to sound lazy because I want to have a form of certainty to know which method will be painless or quick but of course the shotgun approach may not happen for me because I have to live for family and friends and whatever bullshit reason I think I am better off dead there is no future for me.
Sorry to disappoint but no one here is going to shoot you, what your asking is tantamount to murder...which no one here is going to risk...
Yeah, I know meant to say I don't have the the guts for another suicide attempt kind of sad when you want to live but also want to die you can't really do it I know personally I don't believe suicide is a sin I kind of consider it a last resort or an escape of reality and end of misery even though by other people's standards my life is great and I know there are other people in this world who have it worse than I do but when your an Indonesian American guy and genetics is primarily why I want to die so I don't have to live with them or with others in this world that just make me want to kill myself even more or some other bullshit but it won't happen I can't even kill myself. Sorry for wasting your time.
ReadyasEver
Elementalist
- Dec 6, 2018
- 828
You're not wasting time, you are going through all kinds of thoughts and it is confusing, emotional, and frightening as hell all at the same time. I wish I had a good answer for you. Try to get clarity on one topic at a time. I know that will be hard, but if you try and tackle everything all at once, you will get nowhere. One issue and one topic at a time. You will begin to see what you want whether you CTB or find a means to improve, I wish you luck and peace.
I appreciate that if you were responding to me, yet honestly I am smart enough to know the longer I am alive the more I want to die there really is nothing anything more for me to accomplish in this world I'm not terminally ill not yet but suicidal thoughts and of course my mother wants me to talk to a therapist of course I don't care about that it is all about the insurance money I already know that bullshit and I don't like talking to therapists it isn't something I care about only in the interest of someone else not my own.
I wouldn't say you're a coward shocksites are not for everyone I more or less stop going to that because it felt like an addiction to me and made me feel sort of anti social and fake because it is "the internet" and we all know the internet and how people change because of it for good and for ill.
