Does anyone else get extremely envious of formerly suicidal people?

[Lammpz]

I sometimes go to Reddit and read threads where people who no longer struggle with suicidal ideation talk about how they stopped being depressed and miserable, and just by the way they express themselves I feel extremely out of touch with reality. I could never imagine feeling human and alive again just as these people do, how do they manage to be so happy? All I do is rot in my room all day, I can hardly believe I could ever be as satisfied and fulfilled with my life as they are with theirs.

It's also very common for these people who were suicidal in the past to have had friends, a loving partner, a family to support them, and many other things I do not have, while they were struggling in immense pain, which makes me feel hopeless and like giving up altogether. I understand that just because they were priviliged in certain things doesn't mean they were lying about their feelings or anything, I know that someone else could say similiar things about myself, and I don't want anyone in this forum to feel insulted by what I've said, so I apologize if it made anyone feel bad about themselves.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Yeah , I get what you're saying.
I'm clinically depressed and rarely ever leave my room. I can't function like so - called normal people.
I'm sometimes envious of others who have recovered, yet I guess it's only natural to feel this way.
Yet, I'm happy they have managed to end their suffering.

 

[Villager_37]

I feel the same way, i could never imagine any of my future to be bright and happy, everytime i think of tomorrow, i just see darkness or a void, its like that i have a mental block in my brain, or, i was just simply being honest to myself, helping me seeing the truth. ever since i got diagnosed with depression and started to use my meds, this "mind set" never changed, and i dont think it will be changed, i feel the people who recover from trama or depression are just two kinds of people
1. People that are stupid, or become stupid, i dont need to futher explain
2. People who lies to themselves. the lie is so deep even they believes in it, though the truth is always inside their heart, awaiting to be "activited" again
Beside thoes two, i cant think any more way to walk out of the fog of depression or trama alive, and i see the only way im gonna walk out of this depression, is to die first, as long as i see, there is no other way for me.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm happy for anyone who found a way to get out of their hole. I'm not envious at all.

My personal situation isn't gonna change. I know which things must change so my life can have a turn around and in the same time I wouldn't be suicidal anymore. But my situation is hopeless for too long now and I find comfort in my suicidal thoughts and my plan. Even if things changed I might still be suicidal. Idk.

 

[voyager]

Know what you mean, and envy is perhaps suggesting that one doesn't feel happy for others, not so, it's just a little humbling knowing one will never make it out.

Despair already sounds horrid, but in truth I embrace it, because acceptance makes one content and peaceful, it's far better than having false hope, imo.

 

[lachrymost]

Good for them, but yeah... I can't help but feel envious. I get angry if they say that because they got better, anyone can, or similar bullshit. Like no, they just got lucky. They may have put in plenty of effort that payed off, but ultimately it wasn't in their control whether it would pay off or not. And if they are pro-lifers, then they're Uncle Toms.