Venting Does anyone else get envious of those who CTB with methods they'd kill for?

[ThisGameIsOverrated]

I got this when I saw a thread last month from a guy who had Nembutal for years and asked if it was expired and got told no then he just drank it and is presumably dead but the most envious I've gotten was when I saw a post on Reddit made just a few days before I came across the post and it was by a guy who bought a gun off the dark web and presumably CTBed with it since when I messaged the guy asking for his gun source as finding real guns on the dark web is so difficult most people say it's impossible so I thought i hit the jackpot by seeing that post just for it to turn out the account is now being operated by one of the guy's friends and he just disappeared into nowhere leaving his phone behind at his house.

 

[rozeske]

Yes. I'm always envious of those who managed to escape their sufferings. More so when it's with a method I wish for myself.

 

[Meteora]

I do, although I also feel glad for them. I d love to have Pentobarbital Sodium on my nightstand.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Well, I wouldn't kill for it, but yeah, I'm a little jealous of those with N for sure.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm mainly jealous of people whose circumstances don't make suicide the best course of action.

N would be nice though. Wish I had gotten in on that action before D ended his stint as a dealer of death.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

If anybody is willing to kill for anything I'm willing to be the victim whether or not I have that thing I'll offer my life in the off chance that it does provide that thing.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm envious of anybody who manages to kill themselves. They have escaped suffering in this cruel life and they are now at peace. I always wished I could be like them. I have no desires to suffer for decades

 

[ThisGameIsOverrated]

Well, I wouldn't kill for it,

it's just hyperbole

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I know.

 

[rotciv]

With the information here, you guys are privileged, suicide has never been as easy as it is today, you just make it too complicated.
Most have never even heard of this website and have to resort to extreme acts, I unfortunately already met many who jumped from a 70 meter high bridge.

So if you got here, and your life can be complete suffering but you can move (you are not quadriplegic), be grateful for at least that, that you can end your life in a better form.

 

[chestnut]

I'm not envious, but compassionate. Sure I would love a more peaceful method like N or SN, but it is how it is. I know when I want to CTB accutely the method is less important in the end. Am kind of envious that they managed to go through with it though. Sounds peaceful to cease suffering finally.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

With the information here, you guys are privileged, suicide has never been as easy as it is today, you just make it too complicated.
Most have never even heard of this website and have to resort to extreme acts, I unfortunately met many who jumped from a 70 meter high bridge.

So if you got here, and your life can be complete suffering but you can move (you are not quadriplegic), be grateful for at least that, you can end your life in a better form.

I would agree with this in many ways, it's a privilege to be able to go on the internet and have access to something like this, which isn't to say has you said that we are not suffering incredibly. People kill themselves all over the globe with crude methods out of no other choice, they have no one to guide them. It's all pretty bad.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not exactly. If I'm honest, it annoys me when people say members are 'lucky' to get hold of SN, N etc. Ok- they were lucky they got it through cutoms but ultimately- they/ we took the risk in buying it. We probably had welfare checks too. Anyone can try risking it if they want to. It's maybe harder when you live with family etc but it's not exactly like they were given it. And if they were- if they got the green light for assisted suicide, that likely means their situation is so dire that even doctors will concede they ought to be given a way out. Doesn't feel exactly right to be envious of someone who is in that bad of a situation in the first place.

That said, I do envy criminals getting the death penalty. Maybe not if they don't go peacefully but when they do- I can't help but think there are so many people out there desperately suffering and they'll find it hard to suicide without breaking the law or risking welfare checks or involuntary commitment in their attempt. While these piece of shit criminals who likely terrorised people's lives get euthanised humanely (in theory.) Not that I think they should be made to suffer. Not that I particularly support capital punishment actually. I think our legal systems are too fallible. But yeah, I can't help but feel this world is f*cked up when serial killers and rapists are treated more humanely in death than someone who's lived a good, caring life.

 

[FuneralCry]

I so envy those who have access to peaceful and reliable ways to cease existing, they are so fortunate to me, I really wish I had access to Nembutal, it'd be such a relief to permanently escape from this futile and torturous existence in a peaceful way. It's just horrific and devastating how methods like Nembutal aren't easily accessible, access to painless death should be a human right, I'd certainly always prefer to not exist than to suffer for decades on end in this existence that was always so undesirable in the first place.

 

[rotciv]

I so envy those who have access to peaceful and reliable ways to cease existing, they are so fortunate to me, I really wish I had access to Nembutal, it'd be such a relief to permanently escape from this futile and torturous existence in a peaceful way. It's just horrific and devastating how methods like Nembutal aren't easily accessible, access to painless death should be a human right, I'd certainly always prefer to not exist than to suffer for decades on end in this existence that was always so undesirable in the first place.

I think that even if you had Pentobarbital you wouldn't do it and would continue here.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I respect their decision and I hope they find their peace, but I don't envy them at all. I don't envy someone whose life circumstances became so unbearable that CTB became preferable to existing in this world. On the other hand, I genuinely envy those who truly enjoy life and have something worth while to live for.

 

[thepiecessatup]

I think that even if you had Pentobarbital you wouldn't do it and would continue here.

Starting to seem like it.

 

[LaughingGoat]

With the information here, you guys are privileged, suicide has never been as easy as it is today, you just make it too complicated.
Most have never even heard of this website and have to resort to extreme acts, I unfortunately already met many who jumped from a 70 meter high bridge.

So if you got here, and your life can be complete suffering but you can move (you are not quadriplegic), be grateful for at least that, that you can end your life in a better form.

Just to put some statistics behind this point, there are on average about 700,000 suicides per year around the world and most health organizations will tell you many countries under-report suicides. This site currently has 47,534 members so even accounting for lurkers, most people are committing the same way we've done so for generations without the wide use of pharmacology.

 

[fleetingnight]

I can't help but envy them, especially when it's over quickly

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Well with no money, transportation, being a square, no contacts, can't take pain, it is very limiting and so I'm extremely envious of all the posters here who have the magic potion or weapon to ctb.
I'd be so blessed to helped with a method. It would not go to waste...

 

[deathnoted]

Well, a little.
SI is a bitch. And while I have picked a method that I'll go for soon, it isn't what I would've picked if I had endless options yk?
I don't know if envy is the right word though, just wish I had access to a more peaceful way.
But it is what it is I suppose.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I got this when I saw a thread last month from a guy who had Nembutal for years and asked if it was expired and got told no then he just drank it and is presumably dead but the most envious I've gotten was when I saw a post on Reddit made just a few days before I came across the post and it was by a guy who bought a gun off the dark web and presumably CTBed with it since when I messaged the guy asking for his gun source as finding real guns on the dark web is so difficult most people say it's impossible so I thought i hit the jackpot by seeing that post just for it to turn out the account is now being operated by one of the guy's friends and he just disappeared into nowhere leaving his phone behind at his hou

Death envy is definitely a thing. As others have said, I only envy quick, peaceful deaths. Pentobarbital, mainly. And i definitely envy people living in Peru for their ease of access to it. Imagine living somewhere where you can just sort yourself out in that way. I wonder why it's not that popular an exit with locals. Maybe religious reasons? Dunno

 

[Euthanza]

Sometimes I think about death by cop/s even I'm not sure they'll shoot me in the head right away but guns are illegal here so it's almost impossible to get except for the shooting range in several places (I don't know if they require license there, I never touched any gun in my life).

 

[leloyon]

I would do a lot of things if it meant I would get a gun and some ammunition in return. Partially for suicide, and partly to feel safe.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I got this when I saw a thread last month from a guy who had Nembutal for years and asked if it was expired and got told no then he just drank it and is presumably dead but the most envious I've gotten was when I saw a post on Reddit made just a few days before I came across the post and it was by a guy who bought a gun off the dark web and presumably CTBed with it since when I messaged the guy asking for his gun source as finding real guns on the dark web is so difficult most people say it's impossible so I thought i hit the jackpot by seeing that post just for it to turn out the account is now being operated by one of the guy's friends and he just disappeared into nowhere leaving his phone behind at his house.

Yes I'm envious.

I have methods but excuses have stopped me

I have brain blowing apart shotguns and powerful rifles

I have the ultimate nulifier SN. I've seen as little as 3 grams work. I can mix 30 grams today and be done with this hell. And shoot myself right after I drink the sn . But I'm scared my damn si might call the hospital or tell someone and they will bring me back to life but with brain damage.
I know these are irrational fears si excuses imo:
Also fear flinching before shot . Fear SN might be painful or cause damage but leave me alive, call their ER hospital etc