Surai
Student
- Mar 26, 2024
- 101
To be honest I think if I had CTB'd already i'd have avoided a lot of pain and missed no happiness or joy. So yeah I think I should've left already.View attachment 153356
Does anyone else feel like they are past a point in life where you should have left already? everyday feels like im just stalling my inevitable demise
Honestly it doesn't make a difference how they remember you. People both love and hate purely out of selfish reasons, in the end it's about them and not you. When they saw potential, it was about a hope of a potential in them, when they berated you, it was about parts of you that reminded them of their own failures. It's all a projection.Yes. I find myself wishing my attempt as a teenager was successful because more people would've remembered me fondly and thought I had potential. Now nobody cares about me and they all know I'm a burnt out loser.
Are you me lol cause this was and is still my mindset as I'm approaching my 30sYes. Honestly for as long as I can remember my cope was always "I won't survive past 18" then I reached 18 because I kept convincing myself the next big step would fix everything and it became "I won't survive past 20" . Then the same shit happens again and now I'm 25. Everything keeps getting worse, the next big chance never fixes anything but I still keep making myself think it will.
Are you me lol cause this was and is still my mindset as I'm approaching my 30s
I would say to myself months before graduating "I dont plan on graduating" "Ill leave before I graduate" "Itll be my last accomplishment" but I never got around doing it. Years later Im still setting new expirey dates for myself and it seems like its just getting worse, its the same for meYes. Honestly for as long as I can remember my cope was always "I won't survive past 18" then I reached 18 because I kept convincing myself the next big step would fix everything and it became "I won't survive past 20" . Then the same shit happens again and now I'm 25. Everything keeps getting worse, the next big chance never fixes anything but I still keep making myself think it will.
Same here! I almost died at birth and had serious health issues for the first two or so years of my life. Even though I did enjoy my life up until I was 11 or so, I still wish I had just died then. I would have taken up less resources, suffered less, and I wouldn't have to go through planning and executing my own CTB now. Maybe the grief in that context would be a bit easier as well, although that's hard to say for sure...Funny enough, I almost died when I was born. My mum said I was a miracle. Kinda wish I'd died then and there