Does anyone else feel that suicide is an appropriate response to trauma you’ll never fully heal from?

[Water-Lily]

Today I spoke to my therapist about suicide.

More so, the belief that it's something I will do at some point in my life.

That it's inevitable that I'll take my own life

The reason? Due to being overwhelmed but mainly due to the trauma and abuse my mom did to me

I live prisoner, going back and forth between the love and the abuse.

The more awareness I gain, the more fucked up I see my mom and the things she did to me

Suicide, for me, gives me a sense of relief

I could end all this pain by just dying

I won't be trapped by the memories of trauma that I'd have to face to effectively "heal"

One day it won't hurt anymore and I'll be safe

 

[Rev346]

I believe everybody has the right to make that decision for themselves. Suicide is always an option but the question is whether better options are available. You have your own unique circumstances so your analysis and resulting choice can be different than others.

 

[Abyssal]

I feel the opposite towards myself. I have been taught suicide is evil and my thoughts shameful. It's crazy how convincing someone that there's something wrong with them doesn't help.

 

[Water-Lily]

I feel the opposite towards myself. I have been taught suicide is evil and my thoughts shameful. It's crazy how convincing someone that there's something wrong with them doesn't help.

Yeah using shame and fear doesn't help at all

 

[LostInTheWoods]

Yes, my mind stopped working May 5, 2020 and I just want to die now

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

In my case, I feel this way as well mostly because I've exhausted all of the options and traditional wisdom, yet get told I didn't try hard enough to heal from the trauma despite having PTSD symptoms since quite early development and being misdiagnosed with everything else under the sun instead. I gave it my best shot, but after 20 years of suffering from PTSD symptoms (had them since around age 4/5) I feel like I have a right to be done.

Until medical science advances, there are barely any sorts of treatment available in conventional settings (there is research into new things but hard to access) and it is notoriously difficult to even partially resolve complex PTSD. It's a common adage in the community that you never fully heal, you just get slightly better at dealing with it. That's something I'm unwilling to accept. I'm the sort of person who has been dealing with it my whole life, and doesn't want to "deal" anymore. I want to be cured of it, or life is simply not worth living to me.

I know that a lot of it isn't even pathological at it's core, but a natural response that any child would have displayed in my situation- to be afraid of further abuse and neglect. It doesn't help that I have also suffered a lot of traumatic circumstances as an adult that I am expected to snap my fingers and get over simply because I'm older now. It doesn't work that way.

I truly feel for you, because living with the scars of a traumatic past is complete hell, and there is very little awareness of these unfortunate situations in our current world. People think if we are forced to sit with bad memories long enough that we will simply "get over it" not realising that many of these traumatic events can completely shape and alter one's psychosocial development, their socioeconomic circumstances, or even put someone at risk for health problems down the line. Those are not insignificant roadblocks for a person to grapple with.

It is deeply unfair how very little the world understands about complex trauma, or how to help those of us who are suffering to the point where we want to die because of it. So grossly unfair.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

I feel like I will never be able to make how I feel about myself shift. However much I try to look at the trauma through rational thinking. I have an inner voice that only ever reverts back to suicide being my only real option when it comes to finding a way out of the pain n fucked upness inside. I have tried so hard over the years to be ok. But here at 42 years old I am definitely not ok or any more able to be ok with myself. I just want out

 

[samsara_96]

Definitely and it has always been the case. The literature is full of proof that it used to be normal to choose death over life in the cases of grief, illnesses, loss of dignity, loss of purpose and so on. The recent pressure to continue to live no matter what is just another side effect of people obsessing with quantity over quality. But a long life is clearly not necessarily better than a short one. Moreover, people do not really care that much about purpose, dignity or similar abstract concepts any longer. Most just assume that such concepts are fictional and expect people to move on with their lives as long as they have access to some type of food.

 

[BlockHammer]

The way i see it, suicide is a mean to an end when you already try everything you can but there're no improvement at all after trying for several year. People should've respect someone decision when it came to ctb because for me, it means that they respect your autonomy

 

[Water-Lily]

You put it all so beautifully. It's sad, that the only option for complex trauma victims is to just throw ourselves (and our money) into treatment after treatment after treatment. And if we complain or decide to stop we're all of a sudden "not strong" or as you put it "not trying hard enough". The people who say that shit likely don't know what it's like to suffer for your whole life (and even up until adult life) with severe abuse and trauma. So they can shut up

I feel you. The reality that we just have to accept feeling "better" and "manage treatment" but no "cure" is truly distressing and bleak. And we "have" to live with it and be strong "survivors" people can project onto

And as I'm in my social work program, one thing we learn about is lack of resources available. Let's say you're ready to do the work and "heal" but certain programs you want to access are locked off due to the type of insurance you have or lack there of. It's not easy and being able to heal within the system is a genuine privilege many cannot afford. Not to mention some people have trauma due to the system itself. There are many faulty therapists/psychiatrists who use their position of power to further harm victims and not help. Imagine having to go to a therapist because you had an abusive therapist

So I hear your frustration. It hurts me too. To know that one day I don't have to keep fighting this stupid trauma battle and can just end it all and be free is something many people won't understand. But I feel you

Though I guess the essence of "healing" and "recovery" is choosing to live in spite of shit not working (most of the time) anyways. I dunno. I don't know how those people function lol

 

[serenec]

The right to life should include by implication. a right to death.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't care if it's appropriate or not. I'm tired of bearing it and laboring under its weight.

 

[kcatchesthebus]

I feel like it absolutely should be a viable option for people who are suffering. We extend this courtesy to suffering animals, why not people? I will never recover from the trauma of this past year, but im expected to live with it for the rest of my life????? How dare they dictate what we do with our bodies! This should be illegal

 

[EyeBeyond]

Today I spoke to my therapist about suicide.

More so, the belief that it's something I will do at some point in my life.

That it's inevitable that I'll take my own life

The reason? Due to being overwhelmed but mainly due to the trauma and abuse my mom did to me

I live prisoner, going back and forth between the love and the abuse.

The more awareness I gain, the more fucked up I see my mom and the things she did to me

Suicide, for me, gives me a sense of relief

I could end all this pain by just dying

I won't be trapped by the memories of trauma that I'd have to face to effectively "heal"

One day it won't hurt anymore and I'll be safe

Is a response to all the suffering u got to endure

 

[imsosrrymom89]

Today I spoke to my therapist about suicide.

More so, the belief that it's something I will do at some point in my life.

That it's inevitable that I'll take my own life

The reason? Due to being overwhelmed but mainly due to the trauma and abuse my mom did to me

I live prisoner, going back and forth between the love and the abuse.

The more awareness I gain, the more fucked up I see my mom and the things she did to me

Suicide, for me, gives me a sense of relief

I could end all this pain by just dying

I won't be trapped by the memories of trauma that I'd have to face to effectively "heal"

One day it won't hurt anymore and I'll be safe

Today I spoke to my therapist about suicide.

More so, the belief that it's something I will do at some point in my life.

That it's inevitable that I'll take my own life

The reason? Due to being overwhelmed but mainly due to the trauma and abuse my mom did to me

I live prisoner, going back and forth between the love and the abuse.

The more awareness I gain, the more fucked up I see my mom and the things she did to me

Suicide, for me, gives me a sense of relief

I could end all this pain by just dying

I won't be trapped by the memories of trauma that I'd have to face to effectively "heal"

One day it won't hurt anymore and I'll be safe

i have always known it is inevitable for me i have always known what has to happen

 

[Jinxyxx]

I feel that. Trauma is the biggest reason why I want to ctb. I know i will never fully get over it. Maybe it even will get easier with time but ctb is the only way i will actually finally be at peace. No more nightmares, flashbacks, hatered, regret, depression or panick attacks. It destroyed me and even though some of my broken pieces can be glued together, I can never be fully fixed.

 

[Regen]

Yes, I think commiting suicide is often a reaction because of a trauma.

For me it dont help to have only a look at the trauma. I also need a strong heeling energy to go through the pain and to have the strength to go on with life. I need the feeling of being loved and being accepted and being a part of others. So for me "Schema-therapy" and A-Groups are helpful. Maybe also spirituell groups could be helpful for me, but I dont try it in the past.

Being connected with my inner child and being connected with others helps. Spirituell people say you have to work with your shadows to find the light. I like this Idea.

And I hope I will become the chance to find the light some day.

I wish you strength and selflove and hope to go through your pain. And If not, I understand. I wish you peace and a safe space.