Venting does anyone else feel like they're bound to be neet/shut-in?

[Bitterman1996]

i don't know if I'm depressed because of this nature or it's the other way around.

but I'm bad at socializing, I don't have capable skill and not hardworking enough to get a job (currently helping out small family store, and the business isn't doing that great either because there's a lot of competition, I'm derailing). I dropped out from uni very late, i'm "young" but i dont have the courage nor do i want to pursue college because i'm relying on my parents. I'm trying to do art again in this period before deciding further whether i should just kill myself (it's not as bad as when i was in college, but the thought still there).

Just thinking even when i was in school or even college (with supposedly health related career fixed if i made it), rather than a student i think of myself as a more or a leech shut-in. i spend most of holiday in my room, before having a phone i would just do nothing and lay in bed. i dont know if it's just shame or bad mentality, but i feel i'm stuck to be this way. friends i try to make always distant and bound to go somewhere else. It's hard to talk with my family especially after the whole dropping out ordeal. Maintaining human relationship is hard, i want to not care but i can't deny that i am a lonely person. I don't think i even want something as grand as a lover, But even then i don't think they'll fill the "emotional hole".

I can't and don't wanna see mental health professional in this pandemic. But i don't know if i could even bring it up to them in the first place.

it's just... sigh i feel fundamentally broken as a person.
I'm sure I'm not alone on this.

it's also hard to bring up online (even to online friends and such) because i know a lot of people in my generation are depressed/deals with mental health issues. Yet they managed to be functional and be somewhat financially independent. I feel guilty and bitter about it, the way i see them managing their life and relationships better (ie has close friends etc) just made it even uglier.. Obviously not tactless enough to say any of it to them, but i still feel despite depression/anxiety/any other mental illness, they managed it better.

I'm at a loss after throwing the 'best education' ive been pushed for at 15 years of age, now i'm into adulthood just being absolutely clueless with added burden of crippling chronic depression a-ha. i just want to give up

 

[262653]

Sometimes I think if we "leech shut-ins" are supposed to be alive. Normally, if one doesn't want to work, cook, maintain hygiene, pay bills, and all that basic stuff, then one is going to have a very bad time. People who rely on others for subsistence don't have to do that to stay alive.

I know that, if I'm not going to kill myself today, then I'm not losing much. I still have food at my table, roof over my head, running water in my bathroom. There are no severe negative consequences from staying alive, and negative stimuli is probably the only thing that can motivate me for self-deliverance because I don't believe in afterlife, which means I don't believe in good things after this life, which means no positive stimuli to die.

Add to that the survival program that discourages me from self-deliverance, and the result is me staying alive even though I have very little appeal in living.

About friends. My conclusion so far is that I shouldn't deal with non-neets/non-suicidals, in large part because those people wouldn't want to deal with someone who has no personal money and serves as a reminder of the dark site of existence, which is me in this case. Normal people are also too busy with work and survival in general, while I have all the time in the world. Incompatible, to put it simply.

I can feel jealous about winners in life, but not guilty as I don't believe any of us have the choice in the matter. The free-will philosophy blesses the winners and damns the losers, so I would say it's not for everyone's good.

 

[MindFrog]

I do think I shouldn't have been born. I just feel so "slow" compared to the others. I don't think anyone would hire me. I wonder if it's pride too? Cause I dont want to go back to retail. I shouldn't even be choosy at this point but thinking of work makes me physically ill.

I probably deserve this either way.

 

[nerve]

A lot of what you said are things I've thought about almost word-for-word.

I can't stand it when people say stuff like "well lots of people struggle with mental health :^)" like my situation has anything in common with a functioning adult who has depression or anxiety. There's no line drawn between depression someone can live around versus depression that's crippling and seriously lowers quality of life. The experiences of the "seriously mentally ill" are ignored in these discussions. It can be hard to feel like I exist when the world would rather ignore the severity of my condition in favor of more uplifting stories about people who get better or learn to live with their mental health issues. I guess it can't be helped; that's just human nature to prefer happy endings.

I like the term "incompatible with life." It's not anyone's fault or a matter of what I do or don't "deserve," it's just how it is. No amount of fighting or struggle could change my brain enough for a real life to be viable, so the other option is to be a NEET shut-in.

 

[WornOutLife]

First off, sorry you're feeling like this. I know you're going through a lot.
As for your question, I stopped being a neet almost a month ago.
I had given up on anything. I just lived with my parents, ate, slept, played videogames and repeated the same actions the following day.

Then, I decided to "act/pretend" and be a positive person in therapy so as to have my freedom back and after some hard months, it worked!
I'm finally living in my apartment alone. Fighting with my inner NEET day by day but still alone.
I just teach English online for some hours and then relax.

However, I still have no friends left. The only people who care about me is my dad and my dog Tomi!

 

[ZardozOmega]

Definitely. I dropped out of high school, never worked, have abysmal social skills, agoraphobia, and my narcissism makes interactions with other people extremely unpleasant, both for me and for the person I'm talking to.

 

[blacktrain98]

I like the term "incompatible with life." It's not anyone's fault or a matter of what I do or don't "deserve," it's just how it is. No amount of fighting or struggle could change my brain enough for a real life to be viable, so the other option is to be a NEET shut-in.

kinda obsessed with this wording

 

[Imaginos]

I've been this way for pretty much the entire duration of my life, so yes I for one do feel that, for better or for worse, I'm bound to this lifestyle, Perhaps in the olden days I may have been able to work on a farm, or something. What I mean by that is that I might have been able to do something within my family, assuming we had a personal business of some kind that allowed me some small sense of purpose that didn't require interacting with too many people. As it stands though, I've never had any such opportunity on that front, since my family owns nor operates nothing. At this point, it's just me and my mother. I get involved with projects to fix up the house from time to time, but that's about it. Lately, I've been selling off a lot of my old stuff on my countries equivalent to Craigslist. With the help of my mother being there and doing most of the talking, it's allowed me to briefly meet a few people and do something a little different for a change.

Overall, the life of a hermit has lost much of its luster for me and its remaining redeemable qualities can be counted on just one hand, but, even so, it's still the only life for me. When it comes right down to it, I could never survive out there. Not a fucking chance. Even beyond matters of survival however, there's honestly nowhere I wish to go and nothing I wish to do. There's nothing out there for me, and that which surrounds me is all that might as well exist in the entire universe. At least one small perk of being where I'm at, is that I've really put my back into making this house my own. Even my mother agrees that this place is more mine than anyone else's at this point. It might be just a prison at the end of the day, but it's also my only sanctuary. Long term, I'll probably be able to live here for the rest of my life. Short of suicide or society collapsing, this house will more than likely be my tomb. There's always the possibility of moving elsewhere someday, but then that would only mean that this other house would be my new prison/sanctuary and, of course, future tomb.

I'll admit that I have some good fortune, at least in a small way. It's not like many people in my generation can claim to own their own house and be totally debt free. I mean, yeah, I don't have a job, or a career, or much of a likeable personality, but at least I have a fairly decent house to call my own. I guess that's something, but I'd still much rather be dead. I always try to avoid using the word "live" to describe my day to day situation. I don't live, I exist. I don't have a life, I have an existence. I'm not living, I'm only surviving. I feel that's an important distinction to make, since the former implies I'm actually getting something out of being within the universe, when nothing could be any further from the truth. Anhedonia, in particular, was what really pushed my existence into being largely just a sheer endurance test to the grave, versus something that I can actually cope with and reap some small benefits from. At the end of the day, my agoraphobic nature is only a symptom of what is actually the root cause of my problems. And honestly, I think it's just who I am. I have a severe case of APD, mixed with a light light/moderate flavor of clinically diagnosed autism. I wasn't meant to exist within this world, nor can I ever hope to adapt to it beyond the extent my agoraphobic existence allows.

 

[Superdeterminist]

Yes, I do. It feels impossible for me to be any other way. And I'd rather be dead than live like this.

 

[◄✵火✵〇°Ø•WÅR•Ī°〇✵火✵►]

I'm a shamelessly self-accepting suicidal hikikomori, to be honest.

And I guess I would only truly be compatible with other shamelessly self-accepting suicidal hikikomoris, to be honest.

 

[Cashewmilk]

A lot of what you said are things I've thought about almost word-for-word.

I can't stand it when people say stuff like "well lots of people struggle with mental health :^)" like my situation has anything in common with a functioning adult who has depression or anxiety. There's no line drawn between depression someone can live around versus depression that's crippling and seriously lowers quality of life. The experiences of the "seriously mentally ill" are ignored in these discussions. It can be hard to feel like I exist when the world would rather ignore the severity of my condition in favor of more uplifting stories about people who get better or learn to live with their mental health issues. I guess it can't be helped; that's just human nature to prefer happy endings.

I like the term "incompatible with life." It's not anyone's fault or a matter of what I do or don't "deserve," it's just how it is. No amount of fighting or struggle could change my brain enough for a real life to be viable, so the other option is to be a NEET shut-in.

I'm exactly the same. Sometimes I feel so out of touch with the other members here, I barely come on this site anymore. Actually I feel so out of touch with a lot of the internet, because most people who can afford constant access to the internet are usually not doing that bad, so there's less people like me and you out there. Usually people like me are homeless, destitute, or totally broke and can't even afford basic internet and a device to go on it, so whenever I air my grievances, people are shocked and totally dumbfounded. I am very very lucky that I have my mom who provides all of these things to me. But it's a very thin rope I'm being held on by, it could break at any moment, I'm 32 and have never left my mother, she brought me into this world and failed me and I failed her, and now because of my age I'm being treated like I owe her something and that I don't deserve her support, which is both true and a bunch of crap because she's my elder and creator and I didn't ask for this. I am extremely severely mentally ill and I've had a horrible, horrible life, I feel bad talking about it on this website because I know there's tons of minors and kids here reading and I don't want to scare them. I know I've discussed it in past posts and I wish I could just delete them all.

Regarding neet life, well I prefer this. I absolutely DO NOT want to participate in this rat race, no thank you. I don't want any friends, why would I want to be friends with normal humans? They are horrible people. I don't want this, I've been saying this for over 20 years, I do not want to live this life. I don't want to work, I don't want to get up when I'm sleeping, I don't want to eat, I don't want to go to the bathroom, I don't want to need anything. I just want to not exist. I don't even like the "good" parts of life, I hate sex, I hate social connections, I don't care for hobbies because they're hard and I suck at them anyway, but like OP, I'm also trying to do an art thing while trying to figure out how to kill myself instead. I'm sick of seeing animals suffer. The world fucking sucks, it's a complete shit hole, I can't believe there are people who are happy in this world and think they deserve something, how can they not feel guilty that they are raping the planet?

 

[saltshaker]

I think that after a few years of neet life the chance of recovery becomes really slim. Anxiety tends to just build over time if you don't face what you're avoiding. Eventually the idea of leaving the house and doing something becomes an impossibility.

How silly it must seem to ordinary folks, the struggles we deal with just to exit our rooms. The walls just seem to get thicker with every passing year.

 

[Revered]

I think that after a few years of neet life the chance of recovery becomes really slim. Anxiety tends to just build over time if you don't face what you're avoiding. Eventually the idea of leaving the house and doing something becomes an impossibility.

How silly it must seem to ordinary folks, the struggles we deal with just to exit our rooms. The walls just seem to get thicker with every passing year.

I couldn't agree more. I've been a neet for 10 years now (since high school) and my few attempts to leave my comfort zone up to this point have been complete failures. I can't socialize, I can't work or follow directions properly, and therapy/medication didn't work. I can't function in the larger world - and it's only gotten worse over the years. I just feel so disconnected from society, so isolated. I feel I have no other options.

 

[Imaginos]

I can't stand it when people say stuff like "well lots of people struggle with mental health :^)" like my situation has anything in common with a functioning adult who has depression or anxiety. There's no line drawn between depression someone can live around versus depression that's crippling and seriously lowers quality of life. The experiences of the "seriously mentally ill" are ignored in these discussions. It can be hard to feel like I exist when the world would rather ignore the severity of my condition in favor of more uplifting stories about people who get better or learn to live with their mental health issues. I guess it can't be helped; that's just human nature to prefer happy endings.

Very well said. People do indeed prefer happy endings, to the exclusion of many who will sadly never receive any. The notion of depression being a life crippling ailment that severely limits one's quality of life, such to the point where extreme isolation and eventual suicide really are the only options available, is hardly ever shown or taken seriously by those in society at large. Like yourself, I'm often annoyed at how cheapened and ubiquitous terms like depression and anxiety have become, and the dismissiveness that inherently engenders as a result. My mother will sometimes make statements to effect that "everybody struggles with their mental health" and, while she's only meaning it in the sense that everybody's messed up on some level, it also has the unintended implication that we're all operating on the same playing field, when that's simply not true. People might have their problems, but not to the extent that they utterly and completely CRIPPLE one's ability to live and enjoy their life. Now yes, while many might struggle with negative feelings in this dystopic age we live in, that doesn't mean they've sunk to a level like mine. Somewhere where there is literally no hope for recovery at all. Quite the contrary, where they're at allows them more than enough of a possibility to turn things around. And a large part of the why in that is because they're not nearly as mentally ill as they might believe themselves to be.

But hey, it's like you said. Society likes to show off success stories, even if the person in question is suffering from the mental equivalent of a sprained ankle, whereas I might as well be spinning it in a wheelchair while encased inside a full-on body cast. And that's the most frustrating thing of all. Mental health can't traditionally be seen the same way a physical disability/injury can, so, next to not being taken as seriously, all those who are mentally ill seem as if they're equal to one another, when that couldn't be further from the truth. I've said it before many times, but a lot of people prefer to shower help/support to those who are actually capable of getting better. Someone like me is simply shunted aside as a lame buzzkill who, I'm sure in the kneejerk estimation of many random people, could get better, but just chooses not to. And so this leads to a situation where people like me who really require support/assistance are denied it and also ridiculed for being so hopeless, while those who could probably get over their problems on their own are showered with help and pats on the back. In the end, any definition of mental illness that remains is essentially a bastardized mockery of the real thing.

I don't want to need anything. I just want to not exist.

Yes, this in particular is one of the things that wearies me most of all. I'm alive, so I apparently now need to do something with this whole being alive thing. I didn't ask for this and, when it comes down to it, even the simple act of survival is a complete fucking hassle. One I'd that much rather have never been burdened with at all. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere. Even if I were presented with the "best" reasons to live, to follow through with them would still prove to be just as much of a fucking hassle for me.

For what it's worth, I'd say that my situation is very similar to yours. I'm almost 30 and have been a reclusive hermit for nearly 15 years. Like yourself, it often seems that describing my predicament makes other people's hairs stand up on end, in their dumbfounded disbelief at how awful it is, or must be. And, to be honest, it is actually pretty bad, but what else can be done? I know no other way to exist and, it can be safely said, that I'm far past the point of turning this ship of shit around. In my case, I'm lucky that I have a very good relationship with my mother to the extent that she and I rarely have any problems with each other. I suppose it can be argued that her and my father failed me, but I'm well beyond assigning blame to anyone. I simply am the way I am. Like the poster that I replied to above me described it, I'm incompatible with life as a default. I'm a genetic abberation with mental deficiencies that disallow the possibility of any sort of satisfying existence. I'm of course a little bitter for having been conceived by them, but what's done is done. The only thing that I care about, or that can even help me now, is a bullet.

To be perfectly honest, I think individuals such as myself should be euthanized at birth. Where it could be demonstrably proven, similar to how hereditary ailments can be detected early, that one's life will be an act of constant endurance and suffering of turmoil, then they ought to receive a lethal injection. Severe mental illness can't be cured and yet utterly destroy all possibility of a decent life. Even people born with no arms or legs aren't in as dismal a situation on that front, since their mind/spirit are still strong and allow them the possibility for happiness or fulfillment, as opposed to someone like me who's otherwise physically healthy, but is mentally incapable of experiencing anything positive. People can be born missing body parts, but someone like me was born missing a healthy mind, which I for one will argue is much worse.

I think that after a few years of neet life the chance of recovery becomes really slim. Anxiety tends to just build over time if you don't face what you're avoiding. Eventually the idea of leaving the house and doing something becomes an impossibility.

Leaving the house was always a challenge for me, but you're right that at this point (after nearly 15 years) I've more or less become fully agoraphobic. My mother can manage to coax me out of the house, but I still need her constant presence/support the entire time I'm outside. Without her, I would literally never leave the house. Full stop. I'd simply order my groceries to the door and otherwise live off my disability allowance. Although years of extreme isolation have indeed compounded my problems, I've never been able to do anything without having a vicarious surrogate to soothe me my anxieties. It is not possible for me to trust anyone else beyond my mother and, it can be said, that there's nowhere that offers the kind of help I'd need, at least not without having to pay a hefty sum of money. I suppose it's technically possible I could go outdoors, but not without a human helper of some kind that I could almost vicariously live through and put my trust in by buying it with money. Maybe a couple times a week we could go to the movies, or eat out somewhere. The only achievable goal of this wouldn't be eventual recovery, since that's simply not possible, but that it would at least might give me something to look forward to each week and make my existence a little less bleak. Of course, the caveat is that I would be paying them for their support, otherwise something like this just wouldn't be possible.

I can't function in the larger world - and it's only gotten worse over the years. I just feel so disconnected from society, so isolated. I feel I have no other options.

Somehow I have no regrets about my existence. To me, it seems pretty clear that it was always going to pan out this way. Time could roll back and no matter what aspects of it that could be tweaked differently, it would still roughly have played out the exact same way. In that sense, there's a little bit of comfort in knowing that there was nothing anyone did wrong. I'm basically a defective human being, who was never going to fit in anywhere or have a place in society, or the greater world. I know that many would probably find it a point of discomfort/pain to realize that they were doomed from the start, but I guess I just look at it differently, in the sense that I can at least accept that this is how things were always going to be and I can just go with the remaining flow of it as best as I can.

 

[262653]

About friendships, again. The happiest of all lives is a busy solitude. I accidentally stumbled upon the quote in my reddit surfings, and so far it proves to be empirically true at least for my life. Partnerships/friendships/companionships are based on the percieved mutual interest (generally speaking), and if neets aren't much of a use for others, than it makes sense that neets won't be having many ships. It's like trying to build a nice body via exercise while eating junk food. First go the bricks, and second the house is built. Similarly, no point in visiting markets with empty pockets, unless you're going rogue, that is.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

I wish I could be a shut in

 

[Pen>Sword]

I hear ya. I feel like that's where I'm heading if I fail nursing school, which is very plausible. I'm going to CTB before I become a NEET. NEET (Not in Education, Employment, or Training) is a disgrace in any culture, especially for those belonging to Asian culture like myself. I don't want my loving, yet judgmental relatives know that I'm susceptible to become a NEET. I'd rather die.

 

[lugerepair]

Sometimes I wonder. I certainly try not to be a NEET, but it's kinda where my comfort zone is. It's been more than a month since I last went outside, and I don't really feel worse off for it.

 

[Outsider]

It is natural to be neet or mentally ill enough to not function at all. Especially in this brutal capitalistic world we live in. I wish society accepted that and helped those people instead of blaming them.

 

[JipJopMop]

I'm a NEET due to my mental health and it's not that bad really, I like not having the pressure and stress of work.

I don't know if I will be a NEET forever though.

Sometimes I want a career in the future but I dunno what.

When I was in school I was fed the false bullshit lies that I would have a good career cos I had good grades but that is all fucking LIES AND BULLSHIT and not the reality of life.

Now I am more suicidal really and would like a quick easy escape, I don't want another 30 years of suffering and pain, I'd rather just cease exisiting and get out of my fucked up life.

 

[Isisnefert]

Creo que no debería haber nacido. Me siento tan "lento" en comparación con los demás. No creo que nadie me contrate. Me pregunto si también es orgullo. Porque no quiero volver al comercio minorista. Ni siquiera debería ser exigente en este momento, pero pensar en el trabajo me enferma físicamente.

Probablemente me lo merezco de cualquier manera.

This is my experience too

I'm a NEET due to my mental health and it's not that bad really, I like not having the pressure and stress of work.

I don't know if I will be a NEET forever though.

Sometimes I want a career in the future but I dunno what.

When I was in school I was fed the false bullshit lies that I would have a good career cos I had good grades but that is all fucking LIES AND BULLSHIT and not the reality of life.

Now I am more suicidal really and would like a quick easy escape, I don't want another 30 years of suffering and pain, I'd rather just cease exisiting and get out of my fucked up life.

Me too

Es natural estar lo suficientemente enfermo o enfermo mental como para no funcionar en absoluto. Especialmente en este brutal mundo capitalista en el que vivimos. Ojalá la sociedad aceptara eso y ayudara a esas personas en lugar de culparlas.

Capitalism is death

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Yes. I am autistic and can't do the simplest job, I am too slow and clumsy to do anything and have been unemployed for nearly a decade. It upsets me because even when I tried really hard I would make mistakes. I also can't function socially and end up having break downs after having to have social contact with anyone that isn't my mother or my cats.

I just don't fit in this current economic model. Maybe I would not be NEET if there was a government program for people like me where you were given a job like in a prison but I don't think I would cope with the social aspects even when I am taking my medication.