calebzz1
What is it like to see single and clearly?
- Jan 6, 2024
- 117
Hey all, I wanted to make another post because this has been on my mind a lot recently.
To preface, I have been off my drop Atropine which I bring up from time to time in the chat.
It's been rough to say the least, now I'm very visually impaired and it's like being half-blind to clear the double vision in addition to having low vision in the other.
Feel free to look at the stills and videos I've posted on my profile to understand how intermittent it can be.
I got my white cane which is a blessing, used it yesterday when taking the trash out and it really helped with navigation.
I plan to use it for tomorrow's appointment to convey how disabling it really is and will be honest with my independent optometrist as everyday now while off of Atropine I'm truly desperate for more improvement.
I can barely see my mom's face and it's literally back to the early months when I struggled immensely and didn't even know what was going on.
I will probably say the same story and nothing will occur, then my plan is to push for help with my disability case as always.
Anyways, I'll get back to the topic of the post.
I feel like I can't relate to people the worse my visual impairment gets.
Everyday there's people talking about playing videogames, watching movies, shows and whatnot while I had to get a white cane recently and have to sit out on all that.
I'll list three examples of different situations I had to miss out on which was very upsetting.
1. My best friend offered to give a ride to see the new "Demon Slayer" movie, first I typically watch the anime but due to the blur I knew that I couldn't even watch the movie.
Literally everything was paid for and I had to turn that down.
2. My friend group played "Sons of the Forest" which is an anticipated game I really wanted to try with them, because of my visual impairment I wasn't able to partake of course.
3. A lot of people on social media talk about playing a videogame for 200 hours, watching a whole season of a T.V. show in a day, praising this movie that changed their life etc.
My reaction now is literally "That must be nice, I haven't been able to see well enough to even start to do any of that and I feel like a literal toddler trying to learn how to walk."
Do you all see what I mean on how this could alter someone's temperament and make them cold in addition to practical?
I have no mental health issues but simply cannot see enough to properly enjoy those hobbies anymore due to the blurriness.
It's either I'm a bitter, jaded adult or age regress back to when I was seven to "Ollie", which is what my aunt apparently used to call me due to my hazel eyes.
My adult mind can simply not handle how limiting the problem can be, everything feels "moment to moment" and I have to really watch my movement or I can fall.
There's no relaxation ever without Atropine, the first thought when I wake up is how to improve my medical situation instead of relaxing like a normal person.
My mom wants to sit down and have hour long conversations about small talk and nothing practical for either myself or the household, I simply don't really care now.
It's like that one meme of the vampire in Witcher 3 sleeping in a coffin who tells Geralt and his friend to "Fuck off!" LOL.
I'm in the coffin waiting for a cure to my sight pretty much.
I've said it before in chat but that's how I am in person, a stark difference to how I present myself online but I'm sure most people would be the same if they could hardly see and so much was at stake.
I'll be getting benefits, sure but if this is permanent I'll never be able to do my old hobbies i.e. playing videogames, watching television, reading books and whatnot ever again.
Imagine being brutally honest with your relevant providers about how disabling the blur is only to be offered a path that doesn't work for the hundreth time, it's brutal.
"I really want to support the household more and go back to work and I can't enjoy my old hobbies anymore."
I've said that so many times, low-key am probably traumatized in some way after dealing with all this since I've missed out on so much and had to waste a little over a year of my adult life trying to solve this problem most people don't even have to think about.
Have a blessed day everyone and always try your best.
To preface, I have been off my drop Atropine which I bring up from time to time in the chat.
It's been rough to say the least, now I'm very visually impaired and it's like being half-blind to clear the double vision in addition to having low vision in the other.
Feel free to look at the stills and videos I've posted on my profile to understand how intermittent it can be.
I got my white cane which is a blessing, used it yesterday when taking the trash out and it really helped with navigation.
I plan to use it for tomorrow's appointment to convey how disabling it really is and will be honest with my independent optometrist as everyday now while off of Atropine I'm truly desperate for more improvement.
I can barely see my mom's face and it's literally back to the early months when I struggled immensely and didn't even know what was going on.
I will probably say the same story and nothing will occur, then my plan is to push for help with my disability case as always.
Anyways, I'll get back to the topic of the post.
I feel like I can't relate to people the worse my visual impairment gets.
Everyday there's people talking about playing videogames, watching movies, shows and whatnot while I had to get a white cane recently and have to sit out on all that.
I'll list three examples of different situations I had to miss out on which was very upsetting.
1. My best friend offered to give a ride to see the new "Demon Slayer" movie, first I typically watch the anime but due to the blur I knew that I couldn't even watch the movie.
Literally everything was paid for and I had to turn that down.
2. My friend group played "Sons of the Forest" which is an anticipated game I really wanted to try with them, because of my visual impairment I wasn't able to partake of course.
3. A lot of people on social media talk about playing a videogame for 200 hours, watching a whole season of a T.V. show in a day, praising this movie that changed their life etc.
My reaction now is literally "That must be nice, I haven't been able to see well enough to even start to do any of that and I feel like a literal toddler trying to learn how to walk."
Do you all see what I mean on how this could alter someone's temperament and make them cold in addition to practical?
I have no mental health issues but simply cannot see enough to properly enjoy those hobbies anymore due to the blurriness.
It's either I'm a bitter, jaded adult or age regress back to when I was seven to "Ollie", which is what my aunt apparently used to call me due to my hazel eyes.
My adult mind can simply not handle how limiting the problem can be, everything feels "moment to moment" and I have to really watch my movement or I can fall.
There's no relaxation ever without Atropine, the first thought when I wake up is how to improve my medical situation instead of relaxing like a normal person.
My mom wants to sit down and have hour long conversations about small talk and nothing practical for either myself or the household, I simply don't really care now.
It's like that one meme of the vampire in Witcher 3 sleeping in a coffin who tells Geralt and his friend to "Fuck off!" LOL.
I'm in the coffin waiting for a cure to my sight pretty much.
I've said it before in chat but that's how I am in person, a stark difference to how I present myself online but I'm sure most people would be the same if they could hardly see and so much was at stake.
I'll be getting benefits, sure but if this is permanent I'll never be able to do my old hobbies i.e. playing videogames, watching television, reading books and whatnot ever again.
Imagine being brutally honest with your relevant providers about how disabling the blur is only to be offered a path that doesn't work for the hundreth time, it's brutal.
"I really want to support the household more and go back to work and I can't enjoy my old hobbies anymore."
I've said that so many times, low-key am probably traumatized in some way after dealing with all this since I've missed out on so much and had to waste a little over a year of my adult life trying to solve this problem most people don't even have to think about.
Have a blessed day everyone and always try your best.
