Venting does anyone else feel like their motives for CTB are pathetic?

[FutureHanger]

I was thinking of my motives for CTB like trying to put into words exactly why I wanted to do it and after pondering it's just like damn these reasons are kind of pathetic, although I know it's my choice to CTB no matter the motive and my reasons are decent I still feel like they're relatively small especially since I've seem stories of people surviving stuff way worse than the traumas that have messed me up, also the reasons why I want to CTB might be temporary and may no longer affect me in 3 years though I consciously think this isn't likely as I spent a year trying to improve my mental health before deciding to CTB but still it just feels like an excuse for not trying anymore also it doesn't help that ever since I've found my method I instinctually whenever thinking of something bad that could happen in my future think "oh well I'll be dead by then so it won't matter" so it feels like a cop out I'm using to avoid dealing with the reality of life.

 

[waningmoth]

No reason is pathetic, no one outside of yourself can tell you how much something affected you/how much you are hurting.

if you have doubts remember you can ctb on your own terms, its not going anywhere (usually) so if you feel things might be temporary or at least lessen to the point they're livable, its worth exploring if you think you can handle holding off for a while to see if they do.

 

[兎の耳]

Your feelings are your feelings and they're just as valid as anyone else's. It doesn't do any good to compare your trauma to others', since there will always be someone out there who's had it worse than you.

 

[MyLuckyStars]

i feel that. you'll hear a story about a guy who got his limbs blown off by an ied and cant see or hear anymore and suddenly your stuff feels small, but not in a reassuring "it could be worse" way. just a "wow, I cant even handle this. sheesh" feeling. everything always feels cliche when i think about it too long

 

[Ash’Girl]

Your experience, feelings and trauma are your own. There is a saying that no matter how bad things get, there's always someone worse off. Whilst objectively true, I hate that saying because at the end of the day we all have different things that motivate us to want to live, or want to die. We aren't living other peoples experiences - only our own, and your feelings are valid. You are the only one who can decide what is too much in this life to cope with and nobody should invalidate you.

I really don't want to be here anymore but I've just not been able to overcome SI, so I exist day to day in a state of deep depression and anxiety, alive but not really living - I have exhausted all avenues to try to "make things better", and I've been around for four decades of trying. I'm tired and there's no fight left in me. But until I find it in myself to follow through, the thought that one day I'll succeed is about the only thing I cling to - hope for a final end to suffering. It's somewhat of a security blanket now but my brain has been wired to thinking of ctb since a very young age, even though I did try for a good 15 years to combat my suicidal ideation and give "living" a decent go.

Anyways - ctb is the final choice you get to make so weigh your options accordingly. But don't ever feel your feelings aren't valid.

 

[Sleeper System]

It's all pathetic. Every reason points to a flaw or weakness within ourselves.
The people who still live in the delusion that life has purpose are equally pathetic.
We're all just sad little humans waiting to bite the dust.

Personally, if I had to deduce my reason for ctb it comes down to fear, immaturity, laziness, lack of ambition, and a negative outlook on life. I'm ok with that.

 

[notherenotnow]

Absolutely. I once met a dude who was a drug addict his whole life because his parents abused him, his friends abused him, when he was in prison everyone hated him... and im a white girl with blue eyes and blonde hair, from a rich and intelligent family. No therapist would take me seriously