Does anyone else feel horrible in spite of great accomplishments?

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I've accomplished so much. In spite of my depression and anxiety, I got through university, I went on a fun international trip, I've made friends who say I'm great, I got a bunch of academic scholarships, and I seriously graduated with uni with the highest distinction possible. I have a job now and my coworkers say I'm super reliable and helpful and they wouldn't know what to do without me. I have a good relationship with my family.

But despite it all, at the end of the day I'm still sitting here with depression. I can't escape it. It followed me for nearly a decade, and now my negative emotions have manifested into permanent physical symptoms. Now I feel pain every day because of it.

I don't know if I did anything wrong or if I was just born like this. I feel that recovery is longer possible for me. It's been too long, and my body is too old, too wrecked and pained. I'll never be happy again. I'm only in my mid-20s, do I really need to wait decades for death?

 

[happynot]

Enjoy what you have! Talk to a therapist you are unique and you don't need to do anything else!

 

[sanction]

To be honest, many of our depression stems from being chained to a 9 to 5 job for many decades

We are the only species on earth, that have this absolutely awful way of living, where it is perceived completely normal to attend school for 2 decades, just so we can earn the right to be stuck at a job for another 40 years

All this just so we don't starve to death, or end up on the streets. Being depressed from this just shows you are human with a natural response, able to sense this is some bullshit, whether you realize it or not

Average lifespan is around 70 to 80 years for most people, but around 60 years of it is spent inside a classroom, or stuck inside some building to be a slave at a job

Our whole lives completely revolve around our job (being a slave for survival). And then of course, we go through all this bullshit, just to simply die in the end

It would be more surprising, if you didn't feel depressed from this. Nothing is wrong with you

 

[CosmicPaperCut]

youre amazing! i feel the same, everyone in my life tells me in so smart and ive achieved so much but none of that means anything if i constantly want to die. i wish a "successful" life was able to guarantee happiness but it really doesn't

 

[Sunset Limited]

To be honest, many of our depression stems from being chained to a 9 to 5 job for many decades

We are the only species on earth, that have this absolutely awful way of living, where it is perceived completely normal to attend school for 2 decades, just so we can earn the right to be stuck at a job for another 40 years

All this just so we don't starve to death, or end up on the streets. Being depressed from this just shows you are human with a natural response, able to sense this is some bullshit, whether you realize it or not

Average lifespan is around 70 to 80 years for most people, but around 60 years of it is spent inside a classroom, or stuck inside some building to be a slave at a job

Our whole lives completely revolve around our job (being a slave for survival). And then of course, we go through all this bullshit, just to simply die in the end

It would be more surprising, if you didn't feel depressed from this. Nothing is wrong with you

thanks for this!

 

[Imagined_Euphoria]

I started in elementary school as the "gifted kid" (also known as nerd) and was told by everyone for years that I have accomplished already much. At around age 14 I began to question why I'm even learning all this stuff and what our world is about and I began to realize (by interactions with others too, especially being bullied) that theres so much fucking pain everywhere and my depression started. So, my life started feeling smart and accomplished and just went downhill ever since.

 

[Xe-]

I've never had accomplishment. I was kicked out and moved around my 18th birthday and I only finished 7th grade properly. I do have 3 children. I love them more than anything. It's better if they didn't know me at this point. Everyone says it to me and thinks it, everyone who is important in my life I meant. This is not new but ongoing family drama since childhood. My children need a stable life with someone who can provide a child's needs, at least that is what I think and I can not provide to take care of them. I cause too much emotional damage to them. My mother says it. The fathers' say it. Everyone said I'm the problem. I'm leaving this world. What is the meaning of life? Human connection is the meaning of life, but human connection has never been truthful to me.

 

[enduringwinter]

Yeah none of my past ""achievements"" means anything since I was just forced to do all that. I have nothing. At 32 I'm only recent beginning to try to learn what it's like to do a little something I want to do.

 

[Nefera]

I feel you, everyone seemed happier for me than I was for myself though, always felt miserable the whole time...

 

[Forever Sleep]

To an extent I suppose. On paper, it probably looks like I've achieved stuff. Two first class degrees, Head of Department jobs in the past. A job in what I at least used to find fulfilling. Lived alone and independently for over 20 years.

I feel less certain in myself though. I always focus on the negatives. All the times I screwed up, especially if people witnessed it or commented on it. Plus, I'll never be as good as I want to be. I think that's a common trait with creative people.

But yeah, it's kind of funny in a way when people think that means you should be ok. At uni, we were doing a project on phobias and I mentioned to a tutor how I related to social phobia but they were like- 'but you're here.' I mean- sure- maybe it shows that the fear isn't utterly debilitating but- it doesn't mean we don't struggle like hell!

Sometimes I wonder whether it's partly to do with what we were forced to do. Or, we force ourselves to do. I often wonder- when does: 'I won't do that' become: 'I can't do that.' For me, I think the guilt and shame my family members would have made me feel if I didn't do certain things that scared me felt worse than just doing them. Not sure whether that is a good thing. Both create anxiety. Neither necessarily lead to being happy.

Plus, we can change too. Things that used to give us a sense of purpose can start to fail. Just because we are a 'useful' member of society. Even if we are lucky enough to have what we do praised or valued, it isn't always enough if we feel differently towards it ourselves.

Ultimately, as @sanction said, we're wage slaves. (Unless we're right at the top of a corporation but- even they pay tax.) We're all effectively working to make rich people richer. How happy can that make anyone?!! Not sure you can be all that happy when you feel like the system you're in is corrupt. That you fell for it basically- you gave all your time and money, to become the best you can be and it turns around and exploits you for it.

I suppose the main thing is- do you enjoy your job? Does it personally give you a sense of satisfaction? I think that's the best we can hope to achieve really. But yeah, I agree. Just because someone appears to be ok or successful even, doesn't mean they actually feel it.