At first I did, but over time I realized that my suffering was not something to be ashamed of, even if the rest of the world always tried to make me feel that way. It took awhile to unlearn the attitudes I'd been fed that I was some kind of monster for being suicidal. We do not choose this pain, contrary to popular belief.
Would we cast guilt at someone with heart disease, diabetes, hypothyroid, arthritis, or any other health condition, and regard them with the same visible scorn that is thrown at suicidal people? Of course not. Why should emotional suffering be treated with less grace?
When we have unmet needs, it is only natural that we would seek support to satiate them. If ones friend's and family are unwilling to hear their troubles or seek to understand and make space for those difficult feelings, you can surmise that the logical conclusion would be to find some place where one can speak openly and without judgement. So I would examine why that shame exists for you, because there is nothing wrong with you for wanting support and camaraderie while dealing with the beast that is suicidality. Others may have made you feel that way, and it's a crying shame.
Yes, it's possible for outsiders to misunderstand the purpose of this website and demonize it, but at the end of the day it's human nature to want an outlet for our emotions, even the difficult, taboo, and troublesome ones. I think many people have just not been exposed to suicidality very much and so the entire idea that people would even converse about their experiences with it is this very shocking, almost grotesque thought to them. It's not really desensitized for them the way it is for a person like me who has been suicidal for over a decade and had a couple of failed attempts already.
Once that initial shock factor wears off, I think many people would come around to the idea that suicidal people are not these insane, crazy charicatures but can often be hiding in plain sight right beneath their noses.
Many people are overwhelmed by that topic to put it simply and that's why this kind of reaction occurs, no ?
Or maybe they aren't informed enough (?)
I like your thought very much tho
I really think any exposure and information is kept at a safe distance, like when you're a kid looking into an aquarium fishtank for the first time and can't really fathom how a fish manages to live and keep swimming on the other side of that glass. Because it's all unfamiliar and you might get hurt by this strange new creature you've just encountered, you wouldn't dare stick your hand into the tank of water and be bitten by a shark, or a stingray. Conveniently, there are signs everywhere reinforcing this course of action and emphasizing how you shouldn't get too close.
In practice, all professional discussions of suicidal people seem to be akin to this analogy. Never get too close or listen to why a person is suicidal in the first place, keep referring them elsewhere until they're out of your hair. Few people are forced to sit down and interact with the raw, visceral pain that a suicidal person espouses when they open up to another human.
Without revealing too much information, I've worked/volunteered somewhere where I was regularly exposed to mental health topics and when there was even a brief one off mention of self harm whatsoever from a client everyone freaked out except me and acted like it was the most disturbing thing ever and that we need a warning before we have to read that someone may be suicidal or have done acts of self harm in the past. I couldn't believe it, really. I'm the suicidal person, the one who theoretically should be deeply upset and bothered by reminders of it, yet I'm the only one who can actually sit with these dark topics it felt like.
Of course, no one knew my situation. But it seems like a lot of people working in these areas or who claim to be informed about these matters are missing the resiliency for lack of a better word to not be perturbed by expressions of suicidal feelings, it's always far removed, censored, and sanitized with clinical language so that no one has to sit with the harsh truth that life can be extremely cruel to some people, and yes, some of those people will be suicidal.
