Yes. Aside from the afflictions I was born with, my family hasn't been the greatest about making me feel like my existence was desirable. I was a wanted child, nothing accidental or anything, but the novelty of motherhood wore off rather quickly for my mother. I feel for her as a person, she has been through a lot and her parents were absolutely awful to her all throughout her childhood and adolescence. I understand why she is the way she is, which makes it difficult to express and even feel anger towards her for being an awful mother to me and my brother. She just should never have had children. She struggles too much with her own life as it is. My stepfather (whom I grew up with and saw as my dad) on the other hand never made me feel anything other than a burden and a source of stress. He openly preferred my brother over me (his biological child) and never once have I felt truly loved or wanted by him. Sometimes I even wonder if there is some perverse, dark part of him that secretly enjoyed hurting me, especially after he told my 15 year old self that I 'remind him so much of my mother and when he sees my mother, the only thing he wants to do is punch her in the face'.
