SweetMelody

SweetMelody

The equation has been solved..
Sep 22, 2019
3
The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.
David Foster Wallace

I think this guy explained it very accurately. In my mind and life I am on that ledge. The building is on fire and has been for a long time. The flames get closer every second, mintue, day, week, year. I have to eventually save myself and jump to safety.

I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.
Ned Vizzini
It is time to stay sleep. No more reliving the nightmare because I unfortunately woke up again....

There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.
Tennessee Williams

This one makes me cry. It hits very close to home. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize my own face. I hate mirrors now. Its to painful to see the result of what the years have produced. It is gut wrenching painful.

I cry as I make this post. I haven't seen this quote is such a long time. I am not the same person I use to be, could have been. I can't accept who is looking back. I look like an entirely different person. Life has a tax some heavier than for others.

Deep down in the pit of my stomach and all that is within me knows that what I have become, at this point, is all I will ever be.

After certain things happen you can never go back to the person you were before it happened. Sometimes there is permanent, irreversible, damage.

Collateral damage from your life that destorys you. Once when it happened and a little more every day after.

I am not me. I am no one. I already feel dead inside. I can see it in my eyes; the light has gone out. No one is home.


I have felt dead before but one day the feeling of decay never left and now I consistently feel death, dead, numb, zoned out.

At what point do I lay myself down to sleep? This is a nightmare. I am deformed literally and figuratively mentally and I have no soul now. Just a void inside. There is no coming back for me. I don't know about you. Everybody's situation is different.

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LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
2,170
I think the burning building bit is pretty accurate for me. ( Although not having any hope left is still a part of it.) Death is definitely just the lesser evil in comparison to what I am dealing with in life. I feel very trapped, very much like a cornered animal. Only what I'm trying to run from is my own body and everything it has stolen from me. I will live trapped, and I will die trapped. But I won't feel the dread and humiliation any longer and I won't have to continue to be tortured by witnessing other people living the life I never got the chance to.
 
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Deleted member 1465

_
Jul 31, 2018
6,914
I sadly identify with all of that. Should get it printed out and hand it to the mental people next time they try and give me a fecking leaflet .
 
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