Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,182
I find that the way I talk to myself and treat myself is a representation of how my mom treated me. The name calling, abuse, and punishment. I punish myself after every mistake because I was raised to be perfect. I was "punished" for small imperfections. Like one time I lost a sock. My mom blamed me and screamed at me and told me it was my fault. Things like this happened continuously throughout my life. So now I am afraid to make mistakes as it will reinforce that I am a failure. Whenever I do something "wrong" I use it as fuel to hurt myself. All from a place of unhealed trauma
Can anyone relate?
I also remember how my mom would guilt me. She would say "oh please don't be mad at mommy for how she beat you. Please forgive me. I won't do it again1". She would always say it with this cheery smile. And she would lament on how messed up her childhood was. How she was molested and and beaten. How she felt insecure about her body. But she was using it as an excuse. Like "oh woah is me I was abused pity me". She wanted me to pity her, not hold her accountable. She wanted to remain a victim, because if you're the victim you can avoid being wrong. Just....sick
Can anyone relate?
I also remember how my mom would guilt me. She would say "oh please don't be mad at mommy for how she beat you. Please forgive me. I won't do it again1". She would always say it with this cheery smile. And she would lament on how messed up her childhood was. How she was molested and and beaten. How she felt insecure about her body. But she was using it as an excuse. Like "oh woah is me I was abused pity me". She wanted me to pity her, not hold her accountable. She wanted to remain a victim, because if you're the victim you can avoid being wrong. Just....sick
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