Discussion Does anybody else think/feel like this about suicide?

[locketofroses]

I always see people say suicide is typically, if not always, an impulsive decision. But I've never seen it that way. I view it as as an inevitability, not a maybe. I don't think about "if" I'll do it, I think about "when" I'll do it. And I've thought this way since I was old enough to have an understanding of what suicide is.

I've spent years researching different methods, considering different locations.. I've never thought of it as "maybe I'll do it if things get worse". My life has been constantly getting worse since the day I was born. In fact I almost died the day I was born, which I think is why I've always been so comfortable with the idea of death. It doesn't feel like my life is being cut short because it was already supposed to end 19 years ago. I was never meant to make it this far to begin with, so I've already experienced far more more than I should have.

Sometimes I feel like I'm faking it for attention because I don't feel the need to do it right now this instant. Which is illogical, I know. I've never told anybody offline about this, so how could it be for attention? Yet the thought is still there.

Does anybody else feel like this?

 

[sanctionedusage]

i definitely plan to rely on an emotional impulse to actually do it

but all the planning and sourcing i've done has been over the long term and with careful consideration for that day in the future when i get the push i need to do it.

i don't see how someone could say that suicide is purely impulsive if so many people also turn to elaborate methods requiring weeks of waiting, research, practice, etc. it just sounds like a desperate attempt to make it seem like an inherently illogical/irrational decision.

 

[madwoman]

I think it can be a lot of things - impulse, years in the making, something you've always felt, something that comes on bc of a circumstance, passing thoughts, etc.

For me, I've been suicidal practically my whole life and when things get really bad the thoughts become more active and I'll start planning in my head then sometimes things get better but it has never escaped my mind. I think a lot of people have these thoughts in some capacity but not enough people talk about it. For me, it always felt like an option and sometimes even the way I would want to go… and now things reached to the point where I've been actively planning over a year and this episode has not wavered.

You are going to feel how you feel. Even those that are labeled as seeking attention, I mean something is going on with them too maybe they feel so low and are trying to reach out for help, for hope, for love, to feel seen, whatever it is.

 

[glowing.purple.aura]

YES YES YES YES YES 100% YES

The only way I can imagine myself dying is by suicide and it's been that way for as long as I can remember.

 

[Zanmato]

I always see people say suicide is typically, if not always, an impulsive decision. But I've never seen it that way. I view it as as an inevitability, not a maybe. I don't think about "if" I'll do it, I think about "when" I'll do it. And I've thought this way since I was old enough to have an understanding of what suicide is.

No, I don't think it's "impulsive".
I had a feeling about this, and this website proved me.
Aside there are various reasons, and on this website we know it.
There are many threads like "this day I'm gonna ctb".
It's definetely not "impulsive".

Wtf, people really think that someone wake up in the morning, thinking: "alright, let's die today!".
Oh, well, they also think that phrases like "it gets better" can be helpful lol

 

[NameOfAction]

According to Camus, once you recognize the absurdity of life, the absurd never leaves you.

It's both impulsive and something you've been preparing for your whole life.

It's much clearer with someone who's grieving a loss and enters into despair rapidly, thus often able to leave it, if the initial wave and ripples don't lead to escape. For someone with this experience, it can be a knee jerk reaction and thus can be resolved eventually, if suicide is stopped or prevented

For chronic dwellers in the absurd, it's a constant fight between two truths. Life is meaningless and painful. Life can be given meaning and enjoyed.
Living is as natural to our conscious mind as death is foreign. We fear the unknown, even when striving for it

 

[l1ablemistakes]

I always see people say suicide is typically, if not always, an impulsive decision. But I've never seen it that way. I view it as as an inevitability, not a maybe. I don't think about "if" I'll do it, I think about "when" I'll do it. And I've thought this way since I was old enough to have an understanding of what suicide is.

I've spent years researching different methods, considering different locations.. I've never thought of it as "maybe I'll do it if things get worse". My life has been constantly getting worse since the day I was born. In fact I almost died the day I was born, which I think is why I've always been so comfortable with the idea of death. It doesn't feel like my life is being cut short because it was already supposed to end 19 years ago. I was never meant to make it this far to begin with, so I've already experienced far more more than I should have.

Sometimes I feel like I'm faking it for attention because I don't feel the need to do it right now this instant. Which is illogical, I know. I've never told anybody offline about this, so how could it be for attention? Yet the thought is still there.

Does anybody else feel like this?

All of this to a T. I often find myself wishing I acted on these thoughts a very long time ago, to save people some pain. I've dragged so many more incredible people into my web since I first became suicidal, I feel like the consequences are much worse if I do it now as opposed to 10 years ago when it started. I often find myself thinking how different everyone's' lives would be if I did do it then. Probably better.

 

[Tellurian120]

Yes, I recognize that this will very likely be the way I go, likely before the year ends. While some aspects are not so clear - such as, for instance, the method - I know I will kill myself. There is no place for me in this world, and I do not see an alternative end.