Venting Does anybody else struggle with paranoia?

[Kobusu]

I've lived my entire life struggling with paranoia. I feel like my entire life is just a show and I'm on stage, and when everyone else is done with me the curtain will raise on me and they'll be laughing. For the longest time I kept myself in check by believing u had one person who would always be on stage with me, but they did literally the one thing I was afraid most of anyone doing. They shared all the things I was insecure about to laugh at them. They literally ridiculed me and the things I was afraid of with my "friends" and now I feel like I was always right to feel this way. I'm sorry, I know nobody cares, but it's hard. A lifetime of keeping paranoia in check by writing it off as unrealistic and something that would "never happen" and then it does. It happens and now it feels like I was right. Does anyone else struggle with paranoia? How are we supposed to live like this? I don't think I can do it anymore but I can't go back to the hospital. I'm at a breaking point I'm about to snap in the line for a fucking covid test, if anyone understands at all please give me advice. For the longest time I told myself I didn't care that the reality was I'm always being laughed at and ridiculed, then I believed it wasn't something that would ever happen, and now that it has I don't know what to do. I DO care and I can't help caring I'm only human. Sorry for the rant I just don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated, I don't know if I can stop myself from stopping in front of a train but I'll try.

 

[theguineapigking]

Hey. Yes, I struggle with major ocd, anxiety, and paranoia. I have had major paranoia my whole entire life. Whether it be that life is all fake(like the Truman show) or solipsism, or maybe my mom is an evil witch pretending to be my mother(when I was a small child, not now lol). So you're not alone dude. I'm just sorry that you have to deal with this too. It's debilitating and torturous.

It's gotten so bad as of late august that I was planning to ctb just based off that alone, setting aside all of my other problems. If it weren't for my mom comforting me, I'd likely be dead now.

I saw a doctor via telehealth and got treated for my depression and anxiety as of late November. I got lexapro and Wellbutrin which I think have done nothing. I've even gotten ketamine infusions. Nothing has helped my anxiety too much in the long run. But my doctor did prescribe me Valium(2 x 5mg pills a day). This has helped me immensely. Taking Valium and or Kava root or valerian root, has helped me immensely in the short run.


I highly recommend trying benzodiazepines for short temp paranoia(they are prescription in the USA). Kava is over the counter. Also, Benadryl or Doxylamine are amazing options if you can't get the other medicines that I mentioned. It will Likely help you, but will also make you very tired.

Hopefully something I said will help you some.


Best wishes.

 

[Kobusu]

Hey. Yes, I struggle with major ocd, anxiety, and paranoia. I have had major paranoia my whole entire life. Whether it be that life is all fake(like the Truman show) or solipsism, or maybe my mom is an evil witch pretending to be my mother(when I was a small child, not now lol). So you're not alone dude. I'm just sorry that you have to deal with this too. It's debilitating and torturous.

It's gotten so bad as of late august that I was planning to ctb just based off that alone, setting aside all of my other problems. If it weren't for my mom comforting me, I'd likely be dead now.

I saw a doctor via telehealth and got treated for my depression and anxiety as of late November. I got lexapro and Wellbutrin which I think have done nothing. I've even gotten ketamine infusions. Nothing has helped my anxiety too much in the long run. But my doctor did prescribe me Valium(2 x 5mg pills a day). This has helped me immensely. Taking Valium and or Kava root or valerian root, has helped me immensely in the short run.


I highly recommend trying benzodiazepines for short temp paranoia(they are prescription in the USA). Kava is over the counter. Also, Benadryl or Doxylamine are amazing options if you can't get the other medicines that I mentioned. It will Likely help you, but will also make you very tired.

Hopefully something I said will help you some.


Best wishes.

Thank you, I think I needed to hear this. I'm going to talk to my shrink about trying to get valium or something, because the paranoia is indeed debilitating. I can't live like this anymore.

 

[Julgran]

I've lived my entire life struggling with paranoia. I feel like my entire life is just a show and I'm on stage

Don't bother reading your e-mails - I already did that for you. Ha ha! I'm just kidding

What makes you think that you are paranoid? I'm far from being an expert, but it sounds more to me like you have agoraphobia, which is not as serious as paranoia, and it can be overcome.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I've lived my entire life struggling with paranoia. I feel like my entire life is just a show and I'm on stage, and when everyone else is done with me the curtain will raise on me and they'll be laughing. For the longest time I kept myself in check by believing u had one person who would always be on stage with me, but they did literally the one thing I was afraid most of anyone doing. They shared all the things I was insecure about to laugh at them. They literally ridiculed me and the things I was afraid of with my "friends" and now I feel like I was always right to feel this way. I'm sorry, I know nobody cares, but it's hard. A lifetime of keeping paranoia in check by writing it off as unrealistic and something that would "never happen" and then it does. It happens and now it feels like I was right. Does anyone else struggle with paranoia? How are we supposed to live like this? I don't think I can do it anymore but I can't go back to the hospital. I'm at a breaking point I'm about to snap in the line for a fucking covid test, if anyone understands at all please give me advice. For the longest time I told myself I didn't care that the reality was I'm always being laughed at and ridiculed, then I believed it wasn't something that would ever happen, and now that it has I don't know what to do. I DO care and I can't help caring I'm only human. Sorry for the rant I just don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated, I don't know if I can stop myself from stopping in front of a train but I'll try.

Yes. I can relate to it. At my worst, I have thoughts that everyone around me wants me dead..

I can't think of how to help make things better but I'm here to listen. CBT with a therapist might help provide some relief.

 

[meetapple]

All I can say is that you must focus on what you can control which is yourself. If a friend becomes a traitor then so be it. Just because a friend does this doesn't mean you were right in being paranoid. This could have happened to anyone. Why worry about what you can't control?

 

[Kobusu]

Don't bother reading your e-mails - I already did that for you. Ha ha! I'm just kidding

What makes you think that you are paranoid? I'm far from being an expert, but it sounds more to me like you have agoraphobia, which is not as serious as paranoia, and it can be overcome.

I'm not worried about being helpless or anything though, I feel like literally everyone outside of me has malicious intent. It's impossible to keep the mask on anymore and pretend like I trust others or like I think anybody really cares about me. I literally cannot trust other people. I act under the assumption that everything I say is shared and known. I've given up the idea that there's such thing as privacy. Everybody who passes me on the subway platform is another person who might push me off, and I'd probably thank them for it. It's impossible. I can't develop healthy relationships because I cannot trust. The idea that anybody can be trusted is fundamentally disconnected from my reality. I can't.

 

[pole]

i feel like i'm a prisoner in my own mind. i haven't felt free in a long time.

interpreting everything in a negative manner. it can be any little thing too. it's tiring. it makes me second guess and be wary of every good thing that happens to me, and it results in me also single handidly destroying every good thing in my life.

sad that due to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, many of us experience paranoid thoughts that will prevent us from ever having stable friendships and relationships.

 

[Kobusu]

All I can say is that you must focus on what you can control which is yourself. If a friend becomes a traitor then so be it. Just because a friend does this doesn't mean you were right in being paranoid. This could have happened to anyone. Why worry about what you can't control?

Because if the only person I never worried about ended up betraying me, lying to me, gaslighting me, and using me, how do I know not everyone else is too? I cannot just not worry about it, it's part of my anxiety. I literally cannot just say "whatever". Especially not to something that would mean every relationship I've ever had with another human being has been built upon the premise that they were using me for entertainment.

i feel like i'm a prisoner in my own mind. i haven't felt free in a long time.

interpreting everything in a negative manner. it can be any little thing too. it's tiring. it makes me second guess and be wary of every good thing that happens to me, and it results in me also single handidly destroying those good things in my life.

sad that due to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, many of us experience paranoid thoughts that will prevent us from ever having stable friendships and relationships.

Literally this

 

[lost_ally]

I suffer from diagnosed paranoia. It's been hell and started when I was pretty young.
It's getting worse over the years. Sometimes I see things completely different to how they are and feel I am being watched. I can even physically feel presence of beings around me.
I'm ok just now with it, but when it hits, it hits. I was given antipsychotics, but I'm scared of taking them incase I get worse.
Do you find your symptoms are worse at night?

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Yes I struggle as well as trust issues, anxiety and depression I can't form healthy relationships and friendships because of it. I'm paranoid everyone is out to use me and hurt me and I'm scared

 

[WhyBotherAnymore?]

I understand and experience a similar level of paranoia. So you're not alone. What you may not know is that most people are like that my friend. In my experience, everyone talks about everyone else. There are few exceptions and my advice would be that you have to go into a conversation making allowances for your 'friends' who will talk about you at some point. It is simply human nature - the need to boost their own feeling of self-worth by bringing down others. If you have access to a psychologist then talking with them about your thoughts and what's bothering you is the safest way to go.

 

[lacuna]

I've only felt true paranoia after a bad edible trip. I can't imagine how much suffering those who experience all the time this must endure.

 

[katara]

I deal with anxiety pretty badly so ya. I remember being young and being paranoid about the webcam on my computer, years later it became a trend where people would cover their webcams with tape, so it's hard for me to know for sure what's all in my head and what is real. I struggle with that a lot now. I feel like people aren't real because every time I've reached out to someone who claimed to be lonely or deal with similar things to me, they were all lying. People say they don't have friends but then I go on social media and see those people out partying with friends. It's all really confusing and I don't know what to believe sometimes.

 

[sorrowed_ender]

100%. I'm psychotic so its a constant. been paranoid all my life feeling like everything I do is an act and my life is only meant to be a tv show. I guess thats sumn similar to the "truman show" delusion. always been like that. terrible feeling to have.