FadingSunshine
Nothing lasts forever.
- Jul 8, 2023
- 148
I just wanted to get this out there, as I haven't told anyone about this and I wanted this to help those thinking about a similar method as I was.
I knew from the Tiktok benadryl challenge that benadryl is lethal in high enough quantities. Looking it up, Diphenhydramine, the active ingredient in benadryl, has a lethal dose of 20/40 mg per kg of bodyweight. I'm 210 pounds (95 kg). Requiring 1,900-3,800 mg. I bought six children's benadryl bottles, each containing 590 mg. I hid them in the spare tire compartment in my car.
One night when I couldn't sleep, I decided to go to my set location just to see how it would feel when I actually decide to go through with it. It's a fairly remote location, and it being 2am I knew I wouldn't be bothered. When I got there, I started moving my benadryl to a nearby bench so I could sit and just think for a while, but as I was doing this I dropped a bottle and it started leaking. This made me go into fight or flight response as I was deciding whether I kill myself right now before it leaks or wait. I don't exactly understand why I felt the need to decide this in the moment on a time constraint, as I could've bought another one and I already knew I wasn't prepared to die yet, but at that moment I was trying to quickly decide whether to continue living a life I didn't want or kill myself.
I ultimately decided fuck it and I started drinking what was left of the leaking bottle. Over the course of an hour I drank 2 more bottles, being careful to stay below the potentially lethal limit in case I wanted to back out. Ultimately I started seeing my family's reaction to my death in my head and I was thinking of goodbye texts to friends when it all started feeling too real for me and unnecessary. I packed up my benadryl back into my car and drove back home. Thank god it was night because I was already feeling the effects of the benadryl. It was a lot like getting drunk, where your movements seem to have a sort of lag to them. When I got home I went to bed and tried to go to sleep. One notable thing was I had to go up to the bathroom a lot, I think caused by the benadryl? I don't really know. The whole time I was walking around very uncoordinated, needing to support myself by hanging on a wall.
Next day I feel very weak and a lot of mental fog. As I am writing this I can only recall specific events, as I'm pretty out of it at this point. I wake up barely being able to stand. My dad makes breakfast for me and I tell him how I'm feeling (not why I'm feeling that way though). I walk to my bed to get more sleep, but the bed is covered by tiny bugs, I remember specifically a giant line of ants going down a crease in the comforter, so I decide to switch to the couch. My dad, concerned that I'm talking about my bed being infested, checks it and there's nothing there, so at this point he decides to take me to the hospital.
The car ride there I intermittently hear people talking to me, and in my mindset it's completely normal and I reply to them, to the horror of my dad. At this point I am very confused, barely being able to follow basic commands.
When we arrive at the hospital I need to sign some forms to get admitted. I remember signing some of the signatures as O.J. because the name showed up in my mind somehow? The signature section took way longer than it should have, as I would miss lines I was supposed to sign.
I really don't remember much in the hospital room, at one point I think I had an IV and maybe an MRI? Appearantly my doctor came in to talk about a thyroid issue, but I fully don't recall that. I remember a couple specific events. At this point I was probably talking to people that weren't there at least once per 5 minutes (estimating). I would start talking and then realize there was no-one there and feel embarrassed because my dad heard the whole thing. I remember specifically mistaking a crease in the hospital curtain for a tall man multiple times, thinking a nurse poked her head in when in reality nothing happened, and thinking there were bugs crawling on the walls.
After I was getting out, I was much more aware of my surroundings. On the way home I was occasionally still talking to people, I remember specifically seeing my sister drive a van besides us and talking to her (obviously wasn't real).
When I got home, I checked my bedroom and could still see tiny bugs (think gnat-like size and shape) crawling in specific parts of my room, like a dark corner, but upon closer inspection I saw they weren't actually there. After this I think I went to sleep and when I woke up the effects were gone.
If anyone is reading this, I'm noticing lots of examples of mental decline after this event , like barely having an attention span and not being able to fully develop my thoughts, and I was wondering if my benadryl overdose could have caused this?
It feels good to finally get this out there, I don't really expect anyone to read this but just knowing that it's out there available to read makes me happy. Thanks for letting me finally get this off my chest!
I knew from the Tiktok benadryl challenge that benadryl is lethal in high enough quantities. Looking it up, Diphenhydramine, the active ingredient in benadryl, has a lethal dose of 20/40 mg per kg of bodyweight. I'm 210 pounds (95 kg). Requiring 1,900-3,800 mg. I bought six children's benadryl bottles, each containing 590 mg. I hid them in the spare tire compartment in my car.
One night when I couldn't sleep, I decided to go to my set location just to see how it would feel when I actually decide to go through with it. It's a fairly remote location, and it being 2am I knew I wouldn't be bothered. When I got there, I started moving my benadryl to a nearby bench so I could sit and just think for a while, but as I was doing this I dropped a bottle and it started leaking. This made me go into fight or flight response as I was deciding whether I kill myself right now before it leaks or wait. I don't exactly understand why I felt the need to decide this in the moment on a time constraint, as I could've bought another one and I already knew I wasn't prepared to die yet, but at that moment I was trying to quickly decide whether to continue living a life I didn't want or kill myself.
I ultimately decided fuck it and I started drinking what was left of the leaking bottle. Over the course of an hour I drank 2 more bottles, being careful to stay below the potentially lethal limit in case I wanted to back out. Ultimately I started seeing my family's reaction to my death in my head and I was thinking of goodbye texts to friends when it all started feeling too real for me and unnecessary. I packed up my benadryl back into my car and drove back home. Thank god it was night because I was already feeling the effects of the benadryl. It was a lot like getting drunk, where your movements seem to have a sort of lag to them. When I got home I went to bed and tried to go to sleep. One notable thing was I had to go up to the bathroom a lot, I think caused by the benadryl? I don't really know. The whole time I was walking around very uncoordinated, needing to support myself by hanging on a wall.
Next day I feel very weak and a lot of mental fog. As I am writing this I can only recall specific events, as I'm pretty out of it at this point. I wake up barely being able to stand. My dad makes breakfast for me and I tell him how I'm feeling (not why I'm feeling that way though). I walk to my bed to get more sleep, but the bed is covered by tiny bugs, I remember specifically a giant line of ants going down a crease in the comforter, so I decide to switch to the couch. My dad, concerned that I'm talking about my bed being infested, checks it and there's nothing there, so at this point he decides to take me to the hospital.
The car ride there I intermittently hear people talking to me, and in my mindset it's completely normal and I reply to them, to the horror of my dad. At this point I am very confused, barely being able to follow basic commands.
When we arrive at the hospital I need to sign some forms to get admitted. I remember signing some of the signatures as O.J. because the name showed up in my mind somehow? The signature section took way longer than it should have, as I would miss lines I was supposed to sign.
I really don't remember much in the hospital room, at one point I think I had an IV and maybe an MRI? Appearantly my doctor came in to talk about a thyroid issue, but I fully don't recall that. I remember a couple specific events. At this point I was probably talking to people that weren't there at least once per 5 minutes (estimating). I would start talking and then realize there was no-one there and feel embarrassed because my dad heard the whole thing. I remember specifically mistaking a crease in the hospital curtain for a tall man multiple times, thinking a nurse poked her head in when in reality nothing happened, and thinking there were bugs crawling on the walls.
After I was getting out, I was much more aware of my surroundings. On the way home I was occasionally still talking to people, I remember specifically seeing my sister drive a van besides us and talking to her (obviously wasn't real).
When I got home, I checked my bedroom and could still see tiny bugs (think gnat-like size and shape) crawling in specific parts of my room, like a dark corner, but upon closer inspection I saw they weren't actually there. After this I think I went to sleep and when I woke up the effects were gone.
If anyone is reading this, I'm noticing lots of examples of mental decline after this event , like barely having an attention span and not being able to fully develop my thoughts, and I was wondering if my benadryl overdose could have caused this?
It feels good to finally get this out there, I don't really expect anyone to read this but just knowing that it's out there available to read makes me happy. Thanks for letting me finally get this off my chest!
