You are so spot on, as always. I didn't mean to write a novel here, but ended up with a dissertation in the end because your words had me so fired up. Doctors have caused a world of pain for so many of us, facing little to no consequences, while the lives of wonderful people like you are ruined by their incompetence.
There are so many problems with the medical industry, but most people are blind to them. Why? Because they either have yet to experience malpractice and negligence themselves, therefore having no frame of reference, or they appeal to authority and see doctors as benevolent, all knowing, magnanimous figures who always have good intentions.
From a very young age, I was frequently told that doctors knew best. When I was stripped by them for no reason as a child at a "routine appointment", my dignity and consent taken from me as they violated me, my mind was permanently altered. I was told by other people it was normal to be forced into examinations and procedures, it was normal to have to give up my clothes, even if I was a fucking terrified 5 year old. I was told this was a fact of life I had to deal with.
There was absolutely no medical reason that had to happen. Yet throughout my life, I have been told that because I have female anatomy, I better get used to losing my modesty, especially to doctors. I have struggled with my gender and sexuality my whole life, because of the mistreatment I suffered from doctors and the older men who molested me.
I never knew how insidious and pernicious this profession was, till I got put on the psychiatry gravy train. After I got sexually abused by a classmate, at around age 13/14, I was taken to a GP who diagnosed me with depression and anxiety, because I was panicking and didn't want to be unnecessarily touched by strangers. They wouldn't let me just chat, no, they wanted to touch me, but not send me for any blood tests, scans, or any sort of clinically relevant test.
So I started being forced to take psychiatric medications, which lasted for many years. I had severe vitamin deficiencies that were wrecking havoc on my immune system, but any issue I had was chalked up to this mystical label of depression. Suddenly, any problem I had could be accounted for by a psychiatric diagnosis.
By the time I got chronically ill, it was too late. I developed full blown CFS at the age of 17, after having a severe bout of flu and another viral infection. My psychiatrist decided, two years later, to finally give me a blood test. The values were some of the worst she'd ever seen. Even after I corrected the vitamin deficiencies, I have not recovered in the slightest, the damage has already been done.
My health problems have only compounded since then. I have wasted so much money and time on specialist doctors who would gaslight me and try to tell me the pain is in my head when the blood tests and MRIs show "normal" results. There are no biomarkers, no laboratory tests, and no treatments for CFS, so you'll always be labeled as a psychiatric case. It's the same with my IBS and chronic pain, no one takes it seriously.
I got sexually assaulted by a young male doctor around a year and a half ago which has worsened my ptsd considerably. I cannot even be near a hospital or doctors surgery without going into complete fight or flight mode. All the medical staff think this is a hilarious joke and that I am a basket case.
Because of the stigmatisation of benzos and painkillers due to the liability of addiction, I cannot get anything to help with this horrible suffering. I do not bother these people, I am deathly quiet, shivering and afraid, yet they mock me and treat me as if I'm a caricature of One Flew Over the Coocoo's Nest.
I gave up trying to get any sort of assistance from these clowns. It's exactly as you say, their training gives them no leeway for outside the box thinking. Governments and regulatory bodies highly discourage any experimental or off label treatments due to risk of liability- the NHS loves to do this especially, which is why you can't get medicinal marijiana in the UK. You can't kill yourself, yet you can't take any sort of risk even if you're in dire straights with nothing to lose.. Got it.
There's also this culture, in chronic illness and chronic pain circles, that if you aren't constantly pursuing doctors, then you're defeatist and aren't trying hard enough to get better. It is disgusting, especially for those in countries where health care services are for profit and bleed money from you like a damn leech.
There's only so many times a person can hear, "Go on a diet, do yoga, then go to CBT therapy, sweatie. " before they lose sanity. Our culture does not allow doctors to be honest and admit when they can't help with something. They are not allowed to say they have no solutions, unless you have something like terminal cancer where it's glaringly obvious that everything is failing. People refuse to accept futility. Labels like CFS, fibromyalgia, unspecified chronic pain, POTS, IBS, are all tautologies, concealing the fact that current science does not know the etiology of these diseases or what they even truly are.
Doing your own research and investigations gets you branded as arrogant. "Your 5 minute Google search can't replace 8 years of expertise" is something I hear a lot, even from my own partner, despite the fact that I have been the one who has figured out most of my issues to date. I always had to try to convince doctors of the evidence that was sitting right under their noses, the facts they were too stubborn to acknowledge because it challenges their dynamic of authority. This reality is vile and unscientific.
I am always gaslit by other people who try to shrug off my trauma as "Oh, you just lived in a seedy area. Not ALL doctors are bad." It's a cop out to ignore the systemic issues at play. This is a large reason why my ptsd will never improve. All the therapy is geared towards trusting the system and the people who take part in it, rather than addressing it's flaws. You will always be blamed for recoiling when you've been hurt, rather than the onus being on the one who has burned you.
I believe your pain, 100%. Wrennie, you deserve compassion and genuine help, not whatever fobbing off and malpractice these shitty doctors have saddled you with. Your experiences are real and a reflection of an unpleasant reality that many refuse to acknowledge-that experts and authority figures can be monsters just as easily as anyone else.
I hope one day people will truly take to heart the knowledge of your suffering and what you've had to endure. I hope these doctors can have a conscience about the damage they've dealt. Being respected and treated with kindness should be the bare minimum in any social interaction, anyone who would not take your agony seriously is a twat with no empathy.
Fuck doctors.
