Do you want to get better?

[anyoneshorizon]

Like of course everyone wishes to be happy but I mean like there is a sort of comfort in suicide and more specifically the leading up to it that things don't really matter. Like things aren't as important, losing your headphones, skipping an assignment. It's like it really doesn't matter I'm gonna kill myself soon anyways. I try to stay responsible because I don't want to burden anyone and I want to get my grades up because I'm not even sure if I'll go through it. But sometimes I'm like why even try to get better when I can just end it also when something bad happens I feel like this . I'm not sure how much sense this makes.

 

[theboy]

I feel the same as you

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

I don't want to get better or do anything. I am just waiting to see what might happen but know deep down what will happen eventually. Like I am playing my role in a movie until the movie ends.

 

[chocolatebar]

I don't want to get better or do anything. I am just waiting to see what might happen but know deep down what will happen eventually. Like I am playing my role in a movie until the movie ends.

I feel the same, but....

There's something else, faint, but existent, deep down, that can be described by a quoting a verse your profile picture makes me remember:

"I sure don't mind a change"

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel the same as you. Mainly because 'getting better' involves a whole lot of effort (and may not even work) and it's hard to motivate yourself when it all feels pointless anyway.

Completely agree that there is a comfort in the idea of suicide- an end to worrying and having to deal with stuff. It's become my go-to solution for just about any mishap now. Just wish it was easier to actually do.

 

[Mofreeko]

No. Getting better means just going back to being a cog in the machine. Working at least 8 hours to have maybe 4 hours to myself before bed. The weekends feeling so unbelievably short and just dreading going back to work on Monday. The modern person spends most of their time doing things they don't want to do just to have crumbs left to actually do what they want. We're drilled to accept this and shame those that don't. I say fuck it, I've had enough. In a way I'm glad I've been a loser all my life so I don't have many attachments and I can ctb without leaving any spouse or children behind. Let the normies have their dreary stressed out existences in this hellscape. I say we're the ones who are sane because we want to get out.

 

[Darkover]

fuck that shit this place just makes you live out your misery no matter what you do

 

[akirat9]

fuck that shit this place just makes you live out your misery no matter what you do

you're not wrong
no because no help for disabled anyways. no stability no ,

 

[FuneralCry]

I could never want to exist in this world no matter what happens. I personally despise life and I view non existence as being preferable to any kind of life. I believe that it's perfectly rational wishing to leave, there is nothing to 'get better' from for me. Suicide would make sense as it would prevent all future suffering and suffering is simply inevitable in life. There is no value in being trapped in this human body which will just deteriorate as time goes on, and to die would prevent every unnecessary problem that the future holds. To die will always be ideal to me and I believe that some people are simply not meant for this world. And as well as that I've always found being alive to be so tedious. There is nothing to be gained from something so useless as life.

 

[Lawliet]

i so desperately want to get better, like more than anything. my physical and mental health are so fucking awful that ever moment living is pain. i want to live a happy and healthy life, and everything i've tried has failed. it won't get better. i want to die i want to die i want to die

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

The failures date back decades … too far gone

 

[GasMonkey]

It's impossible.

 

[Fktw0rld]

Not really. I'm at peace now.

 

[Hirokami]

The question, for me, is "Can I get better?" My end goal is to no longer suffer. Of course, death would ensure that. Recovery would, too, but I'm not entirely sure if that's possible for someone like me. My mind will always be broken one way or another.

 

[willitpass]

getting better is too late for me. i used to. and then i exhausted all options for getting better. now i just don't want to fail again

 

[hiddenbpd]

I wish I could, others seem to think I can get better, but I'm not convinced. I can't even do things as simple as brushing my teeth or showering, and I'm supposed to put forth every ounce of effort I have towards getting better? It requires too much, I'll never get there. I want to put my effort towards something I know will bring me peace, and recovery doesn't seem to be it.

 

[anyoneshorizon]

I feel the same as you. Mainly because 'getting better' involves a whole lot of effort (and may not even work)

I was going to put something like this o completely agree. You can invest time and money into for example a therapist or books whatever and it's not even a guarantee

 

[Codependent loner]

As an older adult i have seen enough of this world (in my opinion) to know the ups and downs of trying to "get better". You struggle to get through today without losing that invisible something that makes us open our eyes in the morning. Getting better is like saying there is something wrong with you and how you feel, what if your exactly who your Meant To have been. Two things are true for everyone we all are born, we are all going to die. It's ok for a person to skydive jump out of a perfectly functioning plane knowing they could die…but it's not ok to want to die when life is crashing.

 

[SarRy]

Sure, if I could get better than I would. I'm trying. Sometimes, if there is a way out it can help cope with the struggles of life. I don't know if I can fix my life. I tend to doubt it. Still, I'm making an all out attempt to get things going better for me. If my time comes, then I hope I can do it with dignity. It would be better to have a happy life than to have nothingness. So, it's worth a try I think. I don't like how people romanticise death. Death isn't nice or beautiful. Death is just the end. It's as cold and uncaring as the grave.

It feels weird. I never subscribed to the idea that you need to believe in your success to try your hardest. I fight this fight while knowing I will most likely lose. Statistically, I'm due very soon. It's weird having this struggle while everyone else just goes on like nothing is happening.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I only want to no longer suffer. Suicide is just a means to an end for me, a last resort. In the meantime, I will try my best to try to maintain an acceptable quality of life. My mind and my body will never be the same, all I can do is try my best to live in spite of this. Unfortunately, as time goes on it feels less and less likely that I can be at peace in my condition.

 

[Jupit3rs]

Sometimes i feel like i want that... but then i realize... i want people to understand my feelings more than anything, i want them to tell me: "if u want to die, that's fine, we will not judge and we will support you". I desperately want those words that will never be spoken, i'll never heard... I want in my last moments to feel loved and appreciated regardless of my decision, that's all. I can't get better, but i can enjoy myself a bit before i do it, right? sadly, society doesn't allow us to be understood and it hurts.

 

[Mthom2]

To me, "getting better" is merely an illusion, as the reality of life will never change. We're born, suffer, procreate, suffer, add tiny periods of time that resemble happiness/contentment, suffer, grow old, suffer some more, then die (probably in a much worse state than what a suicide would bring). No, I really don't want to get better, or lose my desire to eventually suicide because that would increase my suffering. There is no point.

Why I'm still around now is beyond me, and I'm ashamed of my lack of courage so far. As time passes, though, I'm convinced the right time will arrive.

 

[lifeORdeath]

I want a reset button on life. But there isn't one, so I don't believe it will get better, no matter what anyone says. Things aren't bad now it seems, but I see what's coming that others don't. I am not psychic but I feel something is over the horizon and it scares me to no end, enough to drive me to die now.

 

[akirat9]

A want to die. What not understand to me is talking = no action.
Talking doesn't heal, tangible actions may

 

[flightless bird]

I need to die to get better.

 

[Endsticle]

I need to die to get better.

Me too.

 

[wanttodie]

i dont want to get better i want to die I'm so sick of life and living I want my life to be over

 

[RUPA]

no, i want non-existence

 

[makethepainstop]

B

Like of course everyone wishes to be happy but I mean like there is a sort of comfort in suicide and more specifically the leading up to it that things don't really matter. Like things aren't as important, losing your headphones, skipping an assignment. It's like it really doesn't matter I'm gonna kill myself soon anyways. I try to stay responsible because I don't want to burden anyone and I want to get my grades up because I'm not even sure if I'll go through it. But sometimes I'm like why even try to get better when I can just end it also when something bad happens I feel like this . I'm not sure how much sense this makes.

Been trying to get better for the last 55 years. Now getting better means ctb!

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I cant be (cis) female, so no. I am quite content CTBing.