I think this is a topic with many nuances. I am kind of exhausted college is very stressful but I will try.
edit: I realize this somewhat becomes a list of major mistakes therapists did in my treatment instead.
The first idea for this thread was. "I am not good at comforting other people in this forum." I think I struggle with that. The people here are so heterogenous. The cases are complex and just saying a platitude can annoy people. Sometimes I don't understand members because their way of perceiving the world is so different to mine. For example on the topic gore. I can remember watching those videos was poison for my brain. It was ambivalent. I was suicidal and wanted to approach death. But on ther other hand I realized that watching those videos was torture for my already tormented soul. It was stressful for sure. But this is not the main topic of this thread. When I realized how differently other people react to watching those videos this increased insecurity. I don't want to hurt other people. I try to give advices or I try to comfort people here. At the same time it gave me the feeling I am not trained for that. I am a noob on health issues and I don't want to spread too much half-knowledge. I don't want to be responsible that people here feel uncomfortable. Though on the other hand saying nothing cannot be the right solution. As I once wrote in a thread writing a lot in a forum full of suicidal people brings a certain responsiblity with it. At least this is how I feel about it. For example even when I have a heated debate on politics I still try to remind myself that the people here are struggling either. A heated debate is okay but it should not get too personal.
So this was the first part. I am a highly anxious person and I might could not handle the responsiblity of being a therapist. Maybe one should differentiate between being a psychiatrist or psychologist. I could imagine the former job would be more fitting for me. I tried a lot of different medication and I was curious to read a lot of literature on pharmacy. Though I have the feeling many psychiatrists turn deeply numb/cold. I am glad about my current one she is by far the best in this instance. I have met psychiatrists who were completely cold. Like nothing could affect them. Maybe this is a side effect of dealing on a daily basis with people who suffer a lot.
I often complain about my therapists. I am not sure whether I would have made a better job. Though many of them were far from perfect. Still I am glad I made therapy. It helped me on many levels. But some of them made major errors in my therapy.
My first psychologist and therapist did not notice that I was in a manic episode which is pretty insane. The epsiode started at the end of the therapy (with the psychologist) though. My first psychiatrist was a stupid asshole who wanted that I go to a workplace for people with disability. This was extremely counterproductive. It amplified my pain on so many different levels. Honestly when I think of him I only can refer to him as stupid ignorant asshole. He did not care about me on any level. He was not interested in my case at all. If he just had thought about me for some minutes it would have been clear that this workplace for disabled people was torture for me. What it clearly was. Gladly I quit after two times when I went there. Holy shit that made me extremely depressed and suicidal.
There were some therapists who genuinely cared about me. Some also helped me a lot. However also they made major mistakes. One of them did not stop me during a manic episode. I think the damage could have been less if he stopped me. He likes me a lot and wanted that I am successful. But in this instance a break would have been so much better. This therapist was also the first who suspected bipolar elements in my illness. It was only a vague hypothesis. Though he did not write it in the clinic report which was a major mistake in my opinion. Thus other therapists did not know about it and I had not enough information on it. They gave me a certain antidepressant on a very high dosage which triggered a manic episode. If he wrote that in the clinic report they might would have been more careful about that.
I took part at a study for people with psychosis. I got money for that. The first time shortly after my first psychosis. Then a year later I had to go there again. It was extremely obvious I was to that time in a manic epsiode. And the professional in this study noticed that. She left some vague hints that it might look like a manic episode. But here again nothing. She should have warned me about the episode. I think she did not want to ruin my mood. But hell. There are more important things than ruining someone's mood. To be fair I was pretty ignorant to that time about medication. But she should have warned me way more.
Two therapists gave me up and thought I am an hopeless case who will kill himself. One of them was the guy who cared so much about me. It is a very complex story and I don't want to go into every detail. The other one who gave me up was extremely incompetent. I was in a major depression to that time after the manic episode. I did not take antipsychotics. I could only handle my life by shielding me from any stress. So she did not notice that I was in a major depression. Despite the fact I reported about manic episodes she was not convinced about bipolar. I had some deluded and very weird thoughts to that time because I took no antipsychotics and she bought everything without questioning it. I was close to insanity to that time and she did not notice I needed the antipsychotics. She gave me up after I got fired. Her reasoning was I am socially too inadequate this is why I could not work. This was extremely stupid. This was not the reason why I was fired. The working made me extremely depressed I was severely agitated to that time. I acted socially weird becaue I did not take the antipsychotics and my sanity got a hit from that. Gladly I recovered mostly from that.
Honestly this rather goes off-topic it becomes a list of major mistakes therapists did in my treatment.
Like the guy who cared so much about me was way more competent. As I said he also made mistakes and gave me up in addition to that. But just by observing my behavior he realized after 5 minutes that I was in a major depressive episode, agitated and in pain. He encouraged me to try college again. Which I am currently doing and it worked so far. When I told the other therapist who thought I am socially awkward she laughed at me and responded college would be an hopeless attempt. I should give up instead.
I did not go into detail how they gave me up and how they considered me a person who will ctb. I already explained that a couple of times. And it is very complicated and I had to tell every detail so I won't do that now. I never talked to the female therapist again. I think she was not very interested in my case anyway.
The one who nudged me into the direction of college is happy that college seems to work. I think he is way too optimistic. It could be likely that college will end in my third psychosis which would lead to my suicide. On the other hand having no job would have the same result. For the moment it gives me a little bit of hope.
Maybe I want to emphasize something again. Therapy helped me a lot and I had some important benefits from it. Here I rant in detail about their mistakes and the very bad apples. The best apples so far were not mentioned here. A very compassionate and patient therapist who listened to my suicide venting for quite some days for many many hours. This got me a lot of relief to that time and I really needed that. Still she refered to some annoying platitudes but the overall impact was very good. My last psychotherapist was also better. Due to his support I gave college a shot. Without him I would have given up earlier. With his help I could stop taking medication with very nasty side effects. However I think he was at some point on the edge of stopping therapy. Only due to the fact I had enough luck to make some progress our relationship improved.
By the way I know this is already a way too long thread but I want to include that here. I have the feeling many therapists don't know how to react on severe suicidlality. Here are some reactions. One therapist called people who commit suicide insane and he told me "You don't want to belong to these insane people." In another conversation he told me he does not understand suicidal people they seem to be very irrational to him. Another one told me. He honestly does not know what to respond when someone says he or she is suicidal. The female therapist who gave me up said something funny. She is always glad about her job that it is not such a high risk job as in a nuclear power plant. She told me that after I revealed I am severely suicidal. It is kind of ironic she still gave me very bad advices after saying that. And it could have impacted my life in a very negative way. I think we all can be glad she does not work in a nuclear power plant.
Okay honestly noone will read that anyway. It is way too off-topic. It is a fucking wall of text. And I feel sorry for all the scientists, intelligence services members or journalists who I suspect to read threads in this forum. Who really wants to read such a long thread? And I did not even come to the core question of the title.
Maybe one or two sentences on that.
I am glad I am no therapist. I could not handle the responsibility and the interactions with patients do not seem to be that easy. I think many have to deal with stress and suffering people. Personally I think this would not be the hardest part for me. Because I can relate to many of them. Though I lack some social skills for this job.
Do you think you could make this job?
edit: I realize this somewhat becomes a list of major mistakes therapists did in my treatment instead.
The first idea for this thread was. "I am not good at comforting other people in this forum." I think I struggle with that. The people here are so heterogenous. The cases are complex and just saying a platitude can annoy people. Sometimes I don't understand members because their way of perceiving the world is so different to mine. For example on the topic gore. I can remember watching those videos was poison for my brain. It was ambivalent. I was suicidal and wanted to approach death. But on ther other hand I realized that watching those videos was torture for my already tormented soul. It was stressful for sure. But this is not the main topic of this thread. When I realized how differently other people react to watching those videos this increased insecurity. I don't want to hurt other people. I try to give advices or I try to comfort people here. At the same time it gave me the feeling I am not trained for that. I am a noob on health issues and I don't want to spread too much half-knowledge. I don't want to be responsible that people here feel uncomfortable. Though on the other hand saying nothing cannot be the right solution. As I once wrote in a thread writing a lot in a forum full of suicidal people brings a certain responsiblity with it. At least this is how I feel about it. For example even when I have a heated debate on politics I still try to remind myself that the people here are struggling either. A heated debate is okay but it should not get too personal.
So this was the first part. I am a highly anxious person and I might could not handle the responsiblity of being a therapist. Maybe one should differentiate between being a psychiatrist or psychologist. I could imagine the former job would be more fitting for me. I tried a lot of different medication and I was curious to read a lot of literature on pharmacy. Though I have the feeling many psychiatrists turn deeply numb/cold. I am glad about my current one she is by far the best in this instance. I have met psychiatrists who were completely cold. Like nothing could affect them. Maybe this is a side effect of dealing on a daily basis with people who suffer a lot.
I often complain about my therapists. I am not sure whether I would have made a better job. Though many of them were far from perfect. Still I am glad I made therapy. It helped me on many levels. But some of them made major errors in my therapy.
My first psychologist and therapist did not notice that I was in a manic episode which is pretty insane. The epsiode started at the end of the therapy (with the psychologist) though. My first psychiatrist was a stupid asshole who wanted that I go to a workplace for people with disability. This was extremely counterproductive. It amplified my pain on so many different levels. Honestly when I think of him I only can refer to him as stupid ignorant asshole. He did not care about me on any level. He was not interested in my case at all. If he just had thought about me for some minutes it would have been clear that this workplace for disabled people was torture for me. What it clearly was. Gladly I quit after two times when I went there. Holy shit that made me extremely depressed and suicidal.
There were some therapists who genuinely cared about me. Some also helped me a lot. However also they made major mistakes. One of them did not stop me during a manic episode. I think the damage could have been less if he stopped me. He likes me a lot and wanted that I am successful. But in this instance a break would have been so much better. This therapist was also the first who suspected bipolar elements in my illness. It was only a vague hypothesis. Though he did not write it in the clinic report which was a major mistake in my opinion. Thus other therapists did not know about it and I had not enough information on it. They gave me a certain antidepressant on a very high dosage which triggered a manic episode. If he wrote that in the clinic report they might would have been more careful about that.
I took part at a study for people with psychosis. I got money for that. The first time shortly after my first psychosis. Then a year later I had to go there again. It was extremely obvious I was to that time in a manic epsiode. And the professional in this study noticed that. She left some vague hints that it might look like a manic episode. But here again nothing. She should have warned me about the episode. I think she did not want to ruin my mood. But hell. There are more important things than ruining someone's mood. To be fair I was pretty ignorant to that time about medication. But she should have warned me way more.
Two therapists gave me up and thought I am an hopeless case who will kill himself. One of them was the guy who cared so much about me. It is a very complex story and I don't want to go into every detail. The other one who gave me up was extremely incompetent. I was in a major depression to that time after the manic episode. I did not take antipsychotics. I could only handle my life by shielding me from any stress. So she did not notice that I was in a major depression. Despite the fact I reported about manic episodes she was not convinced about bipolar. I had some deluded and very weird thoughts to that time because I took no antipsychotics and she bought everything without questioning it. I was close to insanity to that time and she did not notice I needed the antipsychotics. She gave me up after I got fired. Her reasoning was I am socially too inadequate this is why I could not work. This was extremely stupid. This was not the reason why I was fired. The working made me extremely depressed I was severely agitated to that time. I acted socially weird becaue I did not take the antipsychotics and my sanity got a hit from that. Gladly I recovered mostly from that.
Honestly this rather goes off-topic it becomes a list of major mistakes therapists did in my treatment.
Like the guy who cared so much about me was way more competent. As I said he also made mistakes and gave me up in addition to that. But just by observing my behavior he realized after 5 minutes that I was in a major depressive episode, agitated and in pain. He encouraged me to try college again. Which I am currently doing and it worked so far. When I told the other therapist who thought I am socially awkward she laughed at me and responded college would be an hopeless attempt. I should give up instead.
I did not go into detail how they gave me up and how they considered me a person who will ctb. I already explained that a couple of times. And it is very complicated and I had to tell every detail so I won't do that now. I never talked to the female therapist again. I think she was not very interested in my case anyway.
The one who nudged me into the direction of college is happy that college seems to work. I think he is way too optimistic. It could be likely that college will end in my third psychosis which would lead to my suicide. On the other hand having no job would have the same result. For the moment it gives me a little bit of hope.
Maybe I want to emphasize something again. Therapy helped me a lot and I had some important benefits from it. Here I rant in detail about their mistakes and the very bad apples. The best apples so far were not mentioned here. A very compassionate and patient therapist who listened to my suicide venting for quite some days for many many hours. This got me a lot of relief to that time and I really needed that. Still she refered to some annoying platitudes but the overall impact was very good. My last psychotherapist was also better. Due to his support I gave college a shot. Without him I would have given up earlier. With his help I could stop taking medication with very nasty side effects. However I think he was at some point on the edge of stopping therapy. Only due to the fact I had enough luck to make some progress our relationship improved.
By the way I know this is already a way too long thread but I want to include that here. I have the feeling many therapists don't know how to react on severe suicidlality. Here are some reactions. One therapist called people who commit suicide insane and he told me "You don't want to belong to these insane people." In another conversation he told me he does not understand suicidal people they seem to be very irrational to him. Another one told me. He honestly does not know what to respond when someone says he or she is suicidal. The female therapist who gave me up said something funny. She is always glad about her job that it is not such a high risk job as in a nuclear power plant. She told me that after I revealed I am severely suicidal. It is kind of ironic she still gave me very bad advices after saying that. And it could have impacted my life in a very negative way. I think we all can be glad she does not work in a nuclear power plant.
Okay honestly noone will read that anyway. It is way too off-topic. It is a fucking wall of text. And I feel sorry for all the scientists, intelligence services members or journalists who I suspect to read threads in this forum. Who really wants to read such a long thread? And I did not even come to the core question of the title.
Maybe one or two sentences on that.
I am glad I am no therapist. I could not handle the responsibility and the interactions with patients do not seem to be that easy. I think many have to deal with stress and suffering people. Personally I think this would not be the hardest part for me. Because I can relate to many of them. Though I lack some social skills for this job.
Do you think you could make this job?
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