Do you think that lacking the ability to feel empathy would have an impact on someone growing up?

[BurningLights]

Just to preface, I have had a smoke...

 

[LifeSick]

Surely it would, but you have to be careful when defining lack of empathy. I thought of myself as not having this ability, but I learned that I actually do have it, and sometimes it can even be overwhelmingly strong.

 

[BurningLights]

Surely it would, but you have to be careful when defining lack of empathy. I thought of myself as not having this ability, but I learned that I actually do have it, and sometimes it can even be overwhelmingly strong.

Huh, you see I always shy away when it comes to getting close and personal. I was thinking maybe its because I don't have the ability to connect, but it's overwhelming me, you've given me something to really think about there, thank you lifesick.

 

[LifeSick]

Huh, you see I always shy away when it comes to getting close and personal. I was thinking maybe its because I don't have the ability to connect, but it's overwhelming me, you've given me something to really think about there, thank you lifesick.

Well, I too shy away from getting close to people. It seems to me that these problems are rooted on a fear of what other may think about me. It's really frustrating because I know this is completely irrational, and I value rationality a lot.
I remember the first time a I kissed a girl, I think I was about 13. It was kind of arranged by my friends and when we were left alone I asked her if she really wanted to do it, and reassured it was ok if she didn't want to. I guess I was really skeptical anyone would want to kiss me maybe I thought kissing a girl was something that was at least morally questionable. I think it says a lot about my self-esteem and my social anxiety, and it seems that my problem with connecting with people is mostly about not wanting to be seen as weak (by showing any kind of emotion) or stupid.

 

[Schopenhauer]

I think it can have a strong impact on their social lives. I'm not entirely lacking in empathy, but I'm certainly defective. This has hindered me many times through the years.

 

[weedoge]

Surely it would, but you have to be careful when defining lack of empathy. I thought of myself as not having this ability, but I learned that I actually do have it, and sometimes it can even be overwhelmingly strong.

This, I get the feeling a lot of people confuse maybe dissociation, distancing and detachment as losing the ability to feel empathy, maybe other things too and then make more vastly incorrect assumptions based on that.

 

[Chinaski]

This, I get the feeling a lot of people confuse maybe dissociation, distancing and detachment as losing the ability to feel empathy, maybe other things too and then make more vastly incorrect assumptions based on that.

This is absolutely correct, people too frequently confuse not routinely and publicly emoting with aloof indifference and even lack of empathy, as if not displaying emotion visibly and forcefully is equal to not actually feeling anything. What l find especially frustrating is that l often see those who over-emote as being fakers, phoneys, bad actors, manipulative bullshitters, whereas this is now seen as the benchmark for 'feeling' and anything less than that is considered sociopathic.

 

[iiii5555]

well, if that someone lacks the ability of *cognitive* empathy - mind theory - they would probaly have a lot of problems growing up, since they would still be subjected to "overwhelming emotion", but wouldn't be able to understand it. to lack in affective empathy, though, really seens like something quite useful, imo. no more feelings of inadequacy or any sense of shame/anxiety due to social situations; it seens like heaven

 

[weedoge]

well, if that someone lacks the ability of *cognitive* empathy - mind theory - they would probaly have a lot of problems growing up, since they would still be subjected to "overwhelming emotion", but wouldn't be able to understand it. to lack in affective empathy, though, really seens like something quite useful, imo. no more feelings of inadequacy or any sense of shame/anxiety due to social situations; it seens like heaven

also a chance of handling social situations very badly if you're unable to understand the emotions of others, and therefore ending up pretty lonely.

 

[Dani Paradox]

Of course. Varying levels of cognitive and emotional empathy affect the way we interact with others as well as the way we perceive ourselves and the world around us.

 

[Sayo]

It certainly does. Empathy for most people is critical in regulating emotional and social lives. The inability to empathise normally typically also reflects other issues with child development and social cognition. We don't just use empathy to be compassionate but also to predict the reactions and motivations of others and react accordingly, as well as process our own strong emotions.

I experience high levels of empathetic response but in very odd ways due to a potent mix of autism with early childhood trauma and poor parental modelling and it really makes functioning an issue. Same for others I've been close to due to the same issues.

edit: Reread the title. Yes, growing up you don't really quite know what's different about you and you become conditioned to hide it, not address it. It's alienating. The lack of theory of mind in particular impedes ordinary socialisation, which is an important part of learning and support for most children.

 

[Trashcan]

Yes. Although few people have empathy when it comes to people like us, most people are capable of having empathy. I would imagine that someone with little to no empathy would have trouble making and keeping friends. I actually know someone who doesn't seem to be capable of having empathy for others and only thinks about themselves... no one likes them.

 

[worldexploder]

My biomom and step dad were extremely cold, authoritarian, and abusive with me growing up. My dad was also a violent drunk. I was already a very sensitive child to begin with. The only people who actually cared and treated me like a human being with real feelings were my aunt, uncle, and grandparents. Once my aunt got custody of me at age 13 the damage was already done.

Wouldn't wish my childhood on my worse enemies. The experiences I had growing up did give me a deeper perspective on things.

 

[BurningLights]

. I actually know someone who doesn't seem to be capable of having empathy for others and only thinks about themselves... no one likes them.

That's how im feeling right now, like no wonder everybody left me, cos to them it just seemed like I don't give a shit. Bit I really did try to care, maybe I'm just a shitty narcissist, that got away with it till now. it feels like my life I've never really felt bad for people, never understood that things I could hurt people, i always just wanted to have a laugh, never got too serious, I was never a massive cunt, just not empathic enough, never kept in touch, never really followed up with someone after a major event for example.

I don't know if I lack the ability, or I just don't know how to process it, I know I've never confronted it till now. I've always been this way though, have been bombarded with flashbacks of my life and started realising things, maybe thats where it all went wrong, I clung onto a normal life, bit it was exhausting, Ive known something's not wired right, I just accepted it, then I tried to self medicated with every substance under the sun. Never escaped that lonely feeling, and just fucked everything up on the way.

 

[Rose]

Huh, you see I always shy away when it comes to getting close and personal. I was thinking maybe its because I don't have the ability to connect, but it's overwhelming me

On this note, I've recently realised that, when I do experience empathy, I experience hyper-empathy. Combined with my anxiety, this makes me a condensed ball of stress.
I'm afraid of getting close to people because I see too many ways people can be hurt. I see too few ways to stop this.
My childhood made me into an expert manipulator (when need-be, though I do try to stay away from ever using this, especially on innocent people). I can "get a read" on people incredibly easily. I can figure out how their thought process works, what makes them tick, their emotional & mental vulnerabilities, and paths to getting them to change/behave in different ways. I'm a pattern finder. This is a curse.
I see people, including myself in some ways, as incredibly vulnerable & easily manipulated. Most people won't even realise they're being manipulated, and if they do they won't do much to stop it. I know this from experience. It haunts me.
Recently I had to cut someone off, because after I opened up to them I figured out just how vulnerable & unwilling to change they are. It was ruining me for the few months we were friends. Every single possibility was constantly running through my head. This, on top of random chance with horrible happenings, is far too much for me to handle. I can't play bodyguard for every single person I meet, however much I want to.

The moment I let myself care, it usually starts tearing me apart. This, on top of social anxiety & other stuff, makes it incredibly hard to be close to people. I only have one close friend who's been in my life for years.

Every time I start to think about the state of humanity, and how easy it is for us to fall into traps like this, both individually and as a species, I have an emotional breakdown.

Hope this all made sense & was connected enough to the topic at hand! Been on my mind for a while now. I'd also like to note though I see people as vulnerable, and you could say "stupid", I don't think this makes them worse people. It just hurts to think about what can happen to people, and to see ways it can happen.

tl;dr, I'm incredibly scared of having to watch people I let myself care about get hurt and I'm scared of hurting them myself, so I've been taught (by this) to stay distant instead

 

[Donewith_]

Surely yes. It played with me well and made me as pathetic as possible when I was in my adolescence. I feel emotions but not all. In school,.I used to not respond the way I was supposed to. It was usually taken as arrogance by teachers. Resulting in me getting punishments. I am numb, a piece of shit. I am retarded. For some idiotic reason, I can feel pain, am extremely sensitive , can't stand a person scolding me. On one hand I was unable to perceive what's going on around me, on the other hand I can't stand a single angry look, and I'm introv. I don't think life can fuck me in any other way. Honestly, I don't want this combination to be present in any other person .

 

[BurningLights]

Surely yes. It played with me well and made me as pathetic as possible when I was in my adolescence. I feel emotions but not all. In school,.I used to not respond the way I was supposed to. It was usually taken as arrogance by teachers. Resulting in me getting punishments. I am numb, a piece of shit. I am retarded. For some idiotic reason, I can feel pain, am extremely sensitive , can't stand a person scolding me. On one hand I was unable to perceive what's going on around me, on the other hand I can't stand a single angry look, and I'm introv. I don't think life can fuck me in any other way. Honestly, I don't want this combination to be present in any other person .

Very similar to how I feel, but I've always just kinda lived in my head, I hate any kind of confrontation, never been in a proper fight, I'm too much of a coward. I've lived my life in fear, and it shows.