Discussion Do you think its a lot harder to ctb when you have loved ones who care for you deeply?

[SummerDreamer]

By a lot harder I mean A LOT. I know SI makes it hard for anyone, but when I've thought about doing it my stomach drops when I imagine my parents finding me, and the grief they would bare for the rest of their lives especially as they have told me this and even said they would rather die with me than die alone. I also imagine I would be travelling to a distant place like a forest or something and be thinking about them on the way there and missing them so much. Even though I know that every day I am suffering and want to ctb :(

 

[Georgii]

It's normal to worry for them just like it's normal that they'll be hurt .
And yeah , it's definitely harder to decide when on one side you are drowning in misery ,just wanting to end it all and on the other side you have people you don't want to hurt with your own death .
But this decision is yours only .

 

[Deleted member 17949]

For me not so much. I found earlier in life yes, but now I am very numb to it. I am too young to be an important committed part of the lives of anyone other than my parents.

 

[Imgonnadie]

I decided I couldn't do it a few months ago because of this. The closer I got to actually doing it, the more I thought of them.

 

[Seafoam]

This is a hard one. I love my family and I don't want to ruin their lives with this but at the same time I'm suffering. I'm hoping to at least wait till my sister graduates but that's not till December and it's been a rough couple of months :/

 

[ocd is bad]

I'm worried about my parents too. I don't know If they'd be able to handle it. I'm trying to put it off for now because of that.

 

[s3gfault]

By a lot harder I mean A LOT. I know SI makes it hard for anyone, but when I've thought about doing it my stomach drops when I imagine my parents finding me, and the grief they would bare for the rest of their lives especially as they have told me this and even said they would rather die with me than die alone. I also imagine I would be travelling to a distant place like a forest or something and be thinking about them on the way there and missing them so much. Even though I know that every day I am suffering and want to ctb :(

Yes. Would be a lot easier if no one gave a shit.

 

[mrj]

Idk, maybe i am weird/egoistic af in that sense, but i parents really never were a concern of mine - and i would say i am having a pretty normal relationship with them. I cant imagine how they would react but at the same time - how would it be if they truly knew or even understood how pointless living feels to me (and that dying is the one thing to give me peace)?
Its a little bit harder for me when thinking about close friends/girlfriends i tried to distance myself from: Maybe they understand one day, maybe not. And it definitely isn't easy to "put that burden on them". But in the end it is nothing that makes it way harder for me (at least thats what i believe rn ofc...)

But i also tried to not get too close to anyone over the past months, even years and try to not strengthen any relationships i already had (also a perfect excuse to lie to yourself about the effects of social anxiety).

 

[Jumper Geo]

Yes I have a loving elderly mother in pain from a leg injury I will feel guilty CTB but I am waiting as long as I can.

Cheers

Geo

 

[Notmadeforthislife]

By a lot harder I mean A LOT. I know SI makes it hard for anyone, but when I've thought about doing it my stomach drops when I imagine my parents finding me, and the grief they would bare for the rest of their lives especially as they have told me this and even said they would rather die with me than die alone. I also imagine I would be travelling to a distant place like a forest or something and be thinking about them on the way there and missing them so much. Even though I know that every day I am suffering and want to ctb :(

Yes. It is naturally harder to ctb if you have loved ones who you know will suffer from grief and trauma if you ctb. If you're a caring person it will be hard for you to ctb knowing you'll be hurting the ones you love. I recently tried partial suspension hanging, but I couldn't do it. I stopped before I passed out. Part of the reason was I was thinking about my family. I know they would be devastated.

 

[OrangeJuiceCabal]

For most people, yes, it makes things much more complicated. You'll see here for most people who (probably) kill themselves that the tipping point is lack of social relations. When parents/friends/spouse no longer becomes an issue, it simplifies the problem.
Most suicidal people are also very aware that they don't enjoy life, but other people enjoy them existing. It makes them feel like they have a duty/obligation to make other people happy, usually by faking their own happiness or recovery. When there is no one left to take for, this "stipulation" is absent and people feel more comfortable committing suicide.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

It's a big part of why I'm still alive, but I feel like I'll reach a point where it won't matter anymore.

 

[catscradle]

yes. I worry about setting off a chain reaction.
I wish I could abandon them. but I love them too much.

 

[I screwed up]

Yes .. It just adds to the SI specially if u live with them things become more complex n difficult

 

[AlreadyGone]

No. I realized that I cannot continue to suffer to make other people happy.

 

[curiouskitty]

Well, that's the thing - if they did actually love me, wouldn't they want me to not suffer? Logically, I know that CBTing is gonna cause a chain reaction, but at the end of the day, I will be dead and it won't matter.

 

[heraclitus]

No. I have made provisions for them and will make my ctb look like an accident.

 

[GrassFields]

I find contemplating MAID (medically assisted death) or CTB on my own terms to be very challenging when I think about my family. If it weren't for my health outlook and terminal illness, I would never consider CTB and had never before my diagnosis. I balance the worry of becoming a burden to my wife, children, and parents with causing them lasting emotional trauma from a non-natural death. My oldest child is old enough to know that Daddy has a sickness that means he won't be here in a few years, but my youngest is far too young to understand that. Whether my illness takes me or CTB, I worry that my youngest might not remember me and how much I love him.

Any time I've discussed CTB with my parents or wife, they're all supportive but very emotional. Sometimes it makes me feel selfish for wanting to put them through the pain, but I also don't want to see them suffering in the advanced stages of my illness when I require 24/7 care. It really isn't an easy decision either way for me.

 

[MiserableBastard1995]

Call me what you will, but friends and relatives make not a shred of difference to me. It's undeniable that it'll destroy a few people's lives. At most, my parents, only slightly less so my 15yo sister. Less still my 22yo younger brother. Extended relatives, a couple of mates, volunteering colleagues, etc.

But as in any other situation in life, you or I are not responsible for the emotions of others. The Human Survival InstinctTM is as we all know, a viscous, insidious bitch, at best. And it will use anything to keep you alive against all reason. Both on the principle of not being responsible for others' emotions/lives, and in fighting the Survival InstinctTM, I avoid giving any credence to the notion, that the thoretical suffering of others should require me to continue quietly suffering for their own sake.
There's no moral high ground with suicide - if I'm not being selfish by continuing existence, everyone around me is selfish to the same extent, for wanting me to suffer for their sake. And vice-versa.

Returning to my well-meaning-yet-abusive parents for a moment, I'd like to add: "Play stupid games of repeatedly bringing children into a horrific world, then win stupid prizes like one of those children opting-out of existence"

 

[Toobrokentofix]

I have five beautiful kids and I'm so scared to abandon them and essentially give them permission to ctb too if it gets too much. But I'm completely broken and fragmented. They haven't got the traumatised, screwed up brain I do but what if me leaving gives it to them? I am meant to be responsible for these guys. Equally me staying with a negative, self destructive and seeming unfixable mental condition is probably gonna screw them up too. I just want peace from my own brain so bad!

 

[Eachdaymakesmedumber]

Nobody cares. You have been tricked.

 

[xxsuicidalboyxx]

yeah. its a big part of why im still alive

 

[thickiana]

Yes. I have never been considering ctb in my life before my illness and I still don't want to do it (yet still it's inevitable). My family is aware of my intentions but I know my decision would ruin their lives. Especially my mom has had a very hard life herself due to her own diseases etc. and me ctbing would destroy her. She's my whole life and I keep myself alive mostly for her and my dad.

 

[rhiino]

Yes, it makes it incredibly harder to commit suicide when there are people that you love and that also love you. I am in the same situation myself.

With my suicide I would cause my family a lot of pain. It devastates me to think about it. My brother struggles, too; it might wreck him completely leaving him like I am now. They know my plans, they won't stop me, but they also cannot guarantee that they are able to move on with their lives in a healthy way after my death.

People here say we are not responsible for the emotions of others. That might or might not be true, but it still is at least a matter of causality. I know what my suicide will cause for the people I love.

 

[catsarecool]

It's one of the biggest reasons why I'm still alive. I've only recently gotten into the point where where my suffering surpasses my guilt to the point that even if they knew and tried to stop me I wouldn't change my mind. It still hurts greatly to think of the pain I will make them go through but I'm not changing my mind. I'll let them know how sorry I am in my goodbye letter.

 

[Apathy's Girl]

This is the only reason I'm still alive, my husband and my mom. My bestfriend and I were going to CTB three weeks apart from each other. He died in March 2005. I realized how devastating it would be for my husband so I didn't. I think about it every day and every day is a struggle. At least I know my friend was going to do it with or without me.