Do you think bullying works?

[axxxu]

I've seen many people say that "bullying works" and if you're bullying someone with bad hygiene, or for acting "cringe", or being "weird" they'll be normal because they become more self conscious.

Keep in mind I've been bullied. I want your opinion on this.

 

[ggetout33]

No, hard no. I have been bullied as a kid and all it did was make me lose my self-confidence, filled with self-doubt, and gave me huge social anxiety. I still struggle with all of these even at (almost) 22 years old. I even still have nightmares from time to time. I carry a knife everywhere I go in case they try to come at me again, I almost always have some level of self defense because I learned very harshly how people are when they see someone who can't fight back.

It's made me fearful of interacting with neurotypicals as a neurodivergent person. Every day I wish I was born neurotypical so I didn't have to be bullied so relentlessly. It's a big contributing factor as to why I'm here on this forum at all. I refuse to have kids and if I did, I'd homeschool them in a heartbeat. They would get severely bullied just as I did.

I'm a nihilistic, pessimistic misanthrope. All that can be traced back to me being bullied way back when.

 

[Bigsmoke777]

I dont really think so. In some cases, maybe. I think an underlying problem is shame and grief. Shame I think is the opposite of confidence, feeling capable, and hinders self improvement a lot of the time. I think the examples you laid out involve a sense of shame, incapability and grief already, then theres more shame put on it by being bullied, making it worse
I just seen a related post by noname223 talking about how it's a paradox and the behaviors people are bullied for are just reinforced. I think that's true

 

[NumbItAll]

No, it has the opposite effect. I know that there are studies indicating that fat shaming can cause psychological distress that actually increases obesity, although I haven't looked at them closely. It clearly is not helpful though.

Does fat shaming help people lose weight?

Fat chance - the evidence says fat shaming is more likely to lead people to put on weight.

www.bbc.com

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Uhmm I think If you think that someone has bad hygiene maybe you can say it to them in a nice way rather than being mean about it.

I will never change just because someone thinks I'm "weird"because people who would be saying this will mostly probably will be projecting their own insecurities into you.

Acting cringe ?? Loool what does that even mean?? Don't worry too much about what people say because you will end up being miserable.

One of the main reasons why I want to leave this world is because I'm just tired of being someone's "punching bag".

What you just typed above is sad and it clearly shows how humans sucks and that's why you end up seeing some of these people in crime documentaries ending up hurting their "abusers" because they would have endured years of abuse.

 

[Crono]

Bullying is horrible and harmful, cruel and unnecessary. Only a sadistic and cruel psychopath would think that bullying helps with anything. And no one is "weird", they are just different.

 

[ggetout33]

No, it has the opposite effect. I know that there are studies indicating that fat shaming can cause psychological distress that actually increases obesity, although I haven't looked at them closely. It clearly is not helpful though.

Does fat shaming help people lose weight?

Fat chance - the evidence says fat shaming is more likely to lead people to put on weight.

www.bbc.com

Ugh fat shaming, never helped me as a fat person lol

 

[nixdeath]

It works, but its true aim is to torture people, not to help them or achieve any social norms. This rhetoric is just cope in my opinion.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

IF the bullying works and the person is strong enough to get through it then they've still lost a lot of quality of life during those years. Even if it makes them stronger. It's like saying being abused works, being abandoned works, surviving a suicide attempt works etc...

What really works is breaking the cycle, no matter what you've been through, stop participating in negative human behaviour.

 

[leaf23]

I don't think bullying is constructive. I feel uneasy about cancel culture or that kind of ostracization or shaming other people into societal standards either.

 

[voc_89]

I've seen many people say that "bullying works" and if you're bullying someone with bad hygiene, or for acting "cringe", or being "weird" they'll be normal because they become more self conscious.

Keep in mind I've been bullied. I want your opinion on this.

..... I was never really bullied till my mom died (was 11 at the time)... then i became ostracised in school as (apparently) many of the adults (teachers, parents, etc.) said that I would amount to nothing (which the kids lapped up). For them to stop hanging out with me as all i would do is take them down with me. Off course my self-confidence/worth (which was already bad after my mom's passing) went into the pits and other things since then magnified that (example, losing a parent more or less guarantees u gonna be in a broken home with sprinklings of mental/physical abuse from the remaining parent's lovers... heck when i was 16 my father kicked me and my siblings out for about 8 months for a lover... LOL!). What kept me going is proving to my bullies (those who said I would amount to nothing) wrong. To date I am a central bank economist. That said, due to these constant messages that I would amount to nothing I suffer daily with: (i) low self-confidence; (ii) belief that nothing I ever do is good enough; (iii) daily internal battles as I constantly have thoughts that bring me to places like this site (cause all the fight it took to reach here was not worth it imo); (iv) thoughts that I will always be betrayed;... etc. U kinda get the jist. So any 'short- to medium-term benefits' of bullying in your younger years are quickly made irrelevant as no matter what you do (long-term) the damage done from the bullying never heals. In fact it just gets worse.

P.S. I know it may sound like I shouldn't have anything to complain about given I have financial and job stability that others unfortunatley don't have but idk ... most of my life has been about fighting against the odds and constantly being told or treated like I was nothing. Lol I have no clue how i lasted this long or reached this far. I am also sorry if I made this too much about me. Idk maybe my story could give u hope that someone has made it against phyiscal/emotional/mental abuse (which is what bullying is). Maybe I can too.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Hmmm- it depends... I don't know if you would call it bullying but I do have friends who will nag and pester me to do something because they think it will benefit me. At the time- it usually pisses me off and I tell them 'no' or make up some excuse- because I don't like being told what to do. SOMETIMES though- I have gone away and thought about it and realised that they might be right and that actually- it came from a good place- they said it because they care and want the best for me.

I think there's a difference between nagging and bullying. Of course- too much nagging can easily become bullying. Ultimately- we do have the right to make our own choices. Even bad choices. We don't HAVE to take other people's advice- no matter how strongly they put it.

Put it this way though- something like- 'I know you're really struggling at the moment but if you don't look after your hygienne- brush your teeth and wash- there's a good chance you will get infections which will make life even harder.' That's obviously concern with a bit of nagging added. 'You look and smell like a tramp- buy a bar of soap' is obviously bullying!

I'd say both might 'work'- so cause the person to act. The first one is at least a bit more supportive. On me- likely both would work- I'd feel embarassed and want to do something to stop them picking on me further. Depends what it is though. If they keep nagging me to join a club or go out somewhere- I find that easier to just turn down/avoid.

I do think there are differences though. Bullies don't care about other people's feelings. They enjoy hurting people- it amuses them. People who nag at us probably do actually care about us. They may be misguided but they probably think they know what would help us. I suppose some people just like to look down on and criticise others though.

I guess it just depends on the person and how much they feel the need to oblige/ fit in as to whether bullying/ nagging works on them.

 

[FuneralCry]

Bullying is just unnecessary as it only leads to even more suffering, humans are too cruel and the way that many humans act makes me hate this species.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Absolutely not.
Bullying can never work.
All bullies are festering piles of human excrement.

 

[axxxu]

Just going to clarify: I don't agree with the idea that "bullying works" I wouldn't do it to anyone because I know what it feels like. I don't agree with the idea.

 

[Archness]

BULLYING WORKS.... If you have a villain arc to become the bully, or where the bully to begin with.

It's not constructive @ all, that's not really the goal to begin with. It's to tear people down, domination, power, etc-etc. With that in mind, it's really effective at what it's meant/does do.

I wasn't bullied in school, in fact I was treated quite favorably, yet I'm still here now. Mother alone harmed my mental health and is part of the reason I'm suicidal, many ppl like her & worse... would be dangerous for both parties.

 

[Ambivalent1]

It leads to the normalization of an otherwise awkward, oblivious person if done right. It's not often done right. It's pushed to excess.

New balance shoes are ugly. Stop wearing them if you want women to like you. If you're going bald, shave it immediately. Lose excess weight. Big is not beautiful. I've been fat. It was miserable feeling sweaty and hot all the time.

 

[whatevs]

It works in terms of destroying the victim's self esteem. It's very effective.

 

[clavicals]

The thing is to other people it may look like it fixes the issue but it just manifests somewhere else. We see this all. the. time. with people who don't have the patience to train their animals properly.

For example you can shame the smelly kid for not showering and then he starts turning up clean and maybe even dressing better.
However you bet your ass he's internalised that. How he does depends on his genes etc blahblah.
He may start to become obsessed showering and being clean
He may become paranoid around other people and avoid them bc he perceives them to be judging his appearance.
He may become defensive around others thinking they're going to comment on his insecurity
He may develop anxieties about meeting new people which inhibit close connections with others

There are so many other ways it comes out but the thing about bullies is they don't care about the others persons welfare, or how it affects them - they only care about how they are being inconvenienced. So, yea

 

[voc_89]

The thing is to other people it may look like it fixes the issue but it just manifests somewhere else. We see this all. the. time. with people who don't have the patience to train their animals properly.

For example you can shame the smelly kid for not showering and then he starts turning up clean and maybe even dressing better.
However you bet your ass he's internalised that. How he does depends on his genes etc blahblah.
He may start to become obsessed showering and being clean
He may become paranoid around other people and avoid them bc he perceives them to be judging his appearance.
He may become defensive around others thinking they're going to comment on his insecurity
He may develop anxieties about meeting new people which inhibit close connections with others

There are so many other ways it comes out but the thing about bullies is they don't care about the others persons welfare, or how it affects them - they only care about how they are being inconvenienced. So, yea

this was perfectly explained.

 

[Realkitten]

Bullying might work for some people but not eveyone. Being the bigger girl throughout my life, I was an easy target for bullying. I tried to lose the weight but it never worked out and in the end I always start binge eating.

 

[KAZ-2Y5]

No. Its not even an opinionated matter.

Nobody deserves to be bullied. Having bad hygiene is a sign of depression or mental illness. Bullying them only gives them more mental illness. Sometimes smelling bad is also a sign of physical illness meaning it's something inside of their body that they can't control. It's also a sign of being poor. Fucked up to bully people who are already vulnerable.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Absolutely not. Bullies hurt other people for their own nasty and self-centered reasons, and not because they wish to help the people who they are bullying. These reasons include the bully giving themselves a feeling of pleasure from inflicting pain, or trying to compensate for their own insecurities by mocking the problems of their victim.

An argument made in defense of bullying is that is helps to enforce social norms. What is normal, though, and who gets to decide? Even if normality does exist in some form it is not necessarily "good". You could be considered "weird" for wearing a shirt that is not fashionable, and therefore does not conform to social rules concerning what is acceptable, but is it wrong or dangerous? Are you hurting anybody for not wearing trendy clothes? No. From the perspective of many people in the world bullies are the ones who are considered abnormal; so by the logic of bullies, and the strange creatures who defend them, they are the people who should be disciplined and have their behavior corrected, and not those who fall victims to bullies.

...For example: if an individual is experiencing bullying due to being overweight then the bully is not actually concerned with the victims weight issue(s), or how it will have a detrimental affect on health; the bully has simply identified a negative quality in their target that can be exploited under the guise of "helping" their victim. If the said person with weight issue(s) was not overweight they would still likely experience bullying, because the bully would just search for something else to latch onto; it could be your shoes, your voice, your choice in music or many other petty reasons.

The act of bullying is just another form of abuse - nothing more - and any positive justification for it is simply a pretext.

 

[sadwriter]

Not unless you are the drummer in the movie Whiplash. But I wouldn't be surprised if even that guy killed himself some time after the credits rolled.

 

[nux_walpurgis]

No. Absolutely not. Bullying is so very cruel. It can leave residual trauma for life to the victim. I feel it is often overlooked in the regard of how trauma inducing it can be.

 

[Rapière]

Not unless you are the drummer in the movie Whiplash. But I wouldn't be surprised if even that guy killed himself some time after the credits rolled.

I would pay money to have Fletcher call me a 'limp-dick, sour-note, flatter-than-his-girlfriend, flexible-tempo dipshit'.