Do you sometimes feel the weight of responsibility being member of a suicide forum?

[noname223]

I had this thought quite often recently. I wanted to make this thread since some time but I always postponed it. Maybe some of you can give me a feedback how you handle this feeling. Maybe it is an unpopular thread but it was quite often in my mind.

I thought a lot about what it means being member of a suicide forum. I feel a little bit better since some weeks. It might only be a new mania (which is really not unlikely it would be the final nail in my coffin). Since I am feeling a little bit better I questioned myself whether I have spread too much negativity in this forum. Often when I am in this forum I am quite depressed and suicidal. I don't want to make other people more depressed when I am describing my feelings. My intention is feeling less lonely and maybe when other people read my threads I hope they feel less lonely too. For me this really is a comforting feeling. I am facing chronic suicidality for years and being member in this forum really helps to cope. At least speaking about my experience I can say I think it helps me to stay stable. I could make a huge analysis for example about the anti-manic effect but this is not my intention with this thread.

All these media reports gave me a guilty conscience. I don't want to be compared to demons I want to act morally right. This was one reason why I had the need to spread more positivity and recovery resources. I have got a lot of positive feedback which was quite pleasant for me. Sometimes it is really hard for me to spread positivity especially when I am struggling myself. I recently censor me a lot in order to avoid spreading too much negativity. I think this is kind of unhealthy for me. But all these media reports made me really paranoid and anxious. No matter how I behave I cannot make it right.

I think this feeling of huge responsibilty has several reasons. This is a suicide forum and debating the question whether to end your own existence is a huge decision. Probably one of the most existential decisions there is. It can't be undone. If you are dead there is no possibility to return. At least this is what I am believing. Then you could ask the question whether the decision to kill yourself can be wrong. I mean with that that the person had better choices. I think this can be the case. But on the other hand I am just a random person on the internet who barely knows the other person who sits in front of his/her computer. In the vast majority of cases I don't have the feeling that I should make the final judgement. This is why I am advocating for therapy and having appoinments with professionals. Often I can't really evaluate the situation if I don't see the person in real life. And then the responsibilty is also carried by someone who is trained, skilled and experienced with such situations. I have often expressed myself that I see suicide only as the last resort. But I don't want to force someone to undertake my worldview.

There was a thread with which I was quite unhappy about. I really hope it is not too offending that I mention it here but for me it is a good example why it is important to have the thought of responsibilty in mind when posting here. I won't say the name of the member but there was once a thread which said that if you are chronically suicidal things would only get worse and more or less recovery was impossble. I wrote a response to this thread that this statement is quite dangerous and factually not true. My post was the post with the second most (positive) reactions (after the post of the OP.) Though the majority agreed with the OP. The OP said it was only a vent. And I can understand that. As I said I am also very negative/pessimistic when I am really depressed. But I think it was important to point out that the statement was not true. If other people read such a thread some might can't differentiate whether this was only a vent or a factual statement. If you want to know my reasoning why the statement is false you can read the thread I won't elaborate on it now.

These are my ways how I try to handle the feeling of responsibilty. Maybe I am just overthinking things too much. I am currently quite vulnerable and almost everything triggers me. Also these media articles where they demonize the members of this forum. In the end I have to trust in the thinking ability of the adults in this forum. I try to deliever help when it is needed and provided recovery resources as good as I can. I have a little bit the feeling I am currently very sensitive (towards pressure).

Have you ever thought of the responsibilty that you have due to the fact that you are member of a suicide forum? How are you dealing with it?

 

[Weebster]

No.

 

[noname223]

No.

Why?

 

[Weebster]

Why?

Because

 

[noname223]

Because

Of what?

 

[Weebster]

Of what?

It seems like an unnecessary burden. I'm not Atlas

 

[Symbiote]

I accepted the weighted responsibility that being a staff or (in)famous member of a suicide forum would result in me being a target by those who oppose this community. But it's a responsibility I can handle and I've dealt with the Fixers and their silly little politicians as well.

 

[Lost Magic]

I actually think this was a very well thought out and written post tbh. I am of the opinion that I am not anyone's therapist on here. Yes, I am suicidal, but I have tried to make it clear to other members that if you have a chance of recovery then all the best to you. There is even a recovery section on this forum, which is pretty neat. Having said that, I know why I am here (to vent and prepare for the end) so I can only share my thoughts and experiences. It is good to be honest about how you are feeling.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I fully understand your point of view and I agree. I don't see this forum only as a suicide forum, I also see it as a minimally safe place where you can vent about how you feel and I think that in general the community is very supportive and kind. It gives me a sense of relief to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way and that there are more people who understand me. But I think we also have to be careful how we say things since we are all in vulnerable stages of our lives and for the most, the worst stage of their lives. In that sense yes, I feel there should be a certain emotional responsibility. I don't think anyone comes here to feel even worse than they already do. And then we also have to deal with the loss of members. It probably already happened to you and it happened to me some time ago, when a close member that I used to talk to decided to ctb and it was almost like a grief for me, even though I didn't know the person in real life I was sad that she was no longer here. Peace to her soul

 

[hungry_ghost]

I don't necessarily feel that I have a responsibility to anyone here. Most of us here are adults, choosing to come here of our own volition, and are in similar boats: we either have suicidal ideation, or are actively attempting to orchestrate our own quietus.

This is a forum that primarily focuses upon death. It's not a sunny topic. You don't see people who love life talking about suicide. So it is inevitable that most people here will have a pessimistic, or often hateful attitude or perspective (maybe not necessarily towards each other, but towards society, life, etc).

That being said, I do appreciate how people are allowed to be positive or encouraging without harsh judgment. I used to be apart of the nihilism/pessimistic/pro-suicide niche community on Facebook, and I swear it was like a competition of who could be the most miserable. You would basically be denigrated for enjoying anything.

Like, dude, you can have suicidal thoughts and feelings and still enjoy things in life. You can even have positive sentiments. Just because, for whatever reason, one wants to exit this world, does not mean they are not allowed to have fun, or laugh at a joke, or smell the fucking roses, you know?

 

[liberty_222]

nah this ain't our burden

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Yeah it's really hard work being a member of a suicide forum. Logging in every day is such a grind, it can be worse than coal mining or oil drilling. Every night I lay awake in terror imagining someone disagree with me about something or that someone won't find what I have to say to be in good faith.

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah it's really hard work being a member of a suicide forum. Logging in every day is such a grind, it can be worse than coal mining or oil drilling. Every night I lay awake in terror imagining someone disagree with me about something or that someone won't find what I have to say to be in good faith.

I wouldn't worry about all that Dr Iron. You are doing your best here. People just have to sort out their own feelings and not take shit to heart. We are all struggling with our demons. Just part of life mate.

 

[houseofleaves]

Well, as a member of a suicide forum i have decided to NEVER encourage anyone to kill themselves [even if i'm absolutely clearly joking] never diminish anyone's problems [even if this problems are like "my parents bought me iphone 12 instead of 13"], and always try to support not-so-harmful methods of suicide (SN instead of jumping from height, for example). And yeah, i usually restrain myself from saying things like "life is so bad it's not worth living". That's all, i think.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I wouldn't worry about all that Dr Iron. You are doing your best here. People just have to sort out their own feelings and not take shit to heart. We are all struggling with our demons. Just part of life mate.

Now I feel kinda bad because I was attempting to joke around here without having read the actual original post (only the title).

My serious take is that the biggest responsibility the average member has is to make it clear to their loved ones that going after this site would be pointless or if they can't do that then at least be careful to wipe all data about this site before Dying if at all possible. Not encouraging anyone is also pretty important which is why I usually stay off goodbye threads because I don't want my words to be misinterpreted as encouraging.

 

[Lost Magic]

Now I feel kinda bad because I was attempting to joke around here without having read the actual original post (only the title).

My serious take is that the biggest responsibility the average member has is to make it clear to their loved ones that going after this site would be pointless or if they can't do that then at least be careful to wipe all data about this site before Dying if at all possible. Not encouraging anyone is also pretty important which is why I usually stay off goodbye threads because I don't want my words to be misinterpreted as encouraging.

Let's be honest in an ideal world and in an ideal body there wouldn't even be a need for a site like this. But there are so many complex mental health problems that stem from all kinds of things (society being the biggest problem). All we can do (in my opinion) is just tell our truths, vent and let people do their thing. And yes, those goodbye threads are tricky. I tend to just wish them well on whatever journey they choose to take. There are no easy answers but none of us are responsible for anybody's actions. People have to take personal responsibility and act in accordance with their own values.

 

[symphony]

I think about this too. I don't feel a responsibility to help people recover or look away from CTB, but I feel myself kinda doing so anyways. My ethos is ideally people should not kill themselves unless they've seriously considered the issue and tried other options first. I tend to take any serious doubts as a sign someone isn't ready. And I do make these views known.

But I do feel responsibility in a different sense too. It weighs on me that I could be considered "complicit" in the deaths of others, especially in cases where I speak with someone one-on-one rather than in threads. Note that I'm not speaking in a legal sense here but rather in a moral sense. Even if rationally I don't believe this to be true, I can't help wondering if I could be in a position to save lives and if it would be a good thing to do so, but I've repeatedly refused to try.

Relatedly, I have a friend IRL who intends to CTB soon and I've commited not to act to stop them. So that weighs on me too.

 

[Pluto]

This is a thoughtful topic.

There is enormous diversity of contributors to this forum, such that when people give their reasons to consider CTB (eg. loneliness), another person would have no such problem yet be in an almost identical emotional state. Perhaps it boils down to something more esoteric, like people ultimately yearning to give and receive love.

With this in mind, the most loving thing to do varies wildly depending on the situation. I share decidedly pro-life advice when a user expresses a desire to live. I answer questions about methods upon request. When people vent, I validate their expression with my own experiences. For those that are saying goodbye, I want them to not feel alone in their last hours.

Where things can go wrong is when there is no recognition of the pain that people are in. I was reading a thread by a now deceased user who was asking about the particularities of a method, and some of the replies bluntly admonished her for overthinking and were like, "Just do it or don't do it already". I hope she rests in peace. It made me realise that I never want to speak like that to someone in so much pain, hence the aforementioned, nuanced strategy.

 

[Sunset Limited]

Personally, I stay away from subjective matters. No more friendship. I had a friend. I left the forum for a long time because I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. When I got back she wasn't here. I decided not to be friends with anyone. Here I just like to read and talk about methods. So I don't feel too much responsibility.

 

[Al Cappella]

Very interesting question, truly. The more I think about it, the more the answer is 'yes'. At the same time, there's not much I can do, one way or another. Honestly, as with the walking world, my sphere of influence is very small to non-existent. And even if it weren't, I would have no idea how to effectively communicate. Lastly, who am I to tell anyone anything?

That said, I will never even suggest a member do anything when it comes to taking their own life. Ever. And when it comes to goodbye threads, I haven't said anything on one yet, and won't ever make one, should it come to that.

Where I will get worked up is over threads that, even remotely, threaten harm to others. And even there, what would that prove? I'm not in a position to do anything but say "don't", and we've already established what that does.

At the end of the day, I suppose I console myself with the realization I've come to over my five decades on the planet—whatever the topic, people, myself included, are full of shit 75-90% of the time.

 

[BrokenBliss]

No.

Not surprising.

 

[indigomoon]

I feel a lot of the things you are feeling. For me it is partly because I used to work in healthcare and I feel that I have an obligation and responsibility to help others. I love helping people. But this is in direct opposition with my own feelings of depression and suicide. It's complicated.

 

[Panna]

No, I look at this as being apart of a exclusive club that no one really wants to be apart of, but at the same time its nice to be among people with the same thoughts, as opposed to snakes who bite you in the back and immediately report you under the guise of "love" and "friendship".

More closer to the topic of suicide, I dont go around encouraging people to kill themselves. If i'm talking to someone who might be considering it, the furthest I go is to reinforce the fact that its their decision, and that they aren't any less of a person either way.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

Yeah...cuz I don't want to make anyone feel worse than they already are. No matter how much I disagree with what they say.

If I wasn't on my medication, I'd probably not be able to control myself an say something I shouldn't. I remember that happening a lot when I went off my pills a few months ago.

I'd get provoked easily - lashing out, followed by immediate regret. I think it had a lot to do with bad withdrawal, but either way I turn into a ugly person without them. I luckily knew that and never joined.

Now that I'm come to my senses, I think I can handle typing on a suicide forum with other people. I know I won't hurt anybody, since as much as I hate to admit it, the pills keep the crazy away.

 

[waitingforrest]

Yeah, I still feel these random pangs of guilt even though I probably wouldn't be able to change their minds once they are set on it. But most of the time, it's just a void of sadness that they probably felt just like me, the fact that just like many, my last moments will only be understood by strangers on the internet more than people on real life.

I just hope that I didn't say or do something to male their life worse before they ctb.