Do you really regret it?

[JOkE2109]

I always hear people opposed to suicide say that you will regret it or that halfway down stuff. But I don't think that's really true unless maybe it's impulsive or something. I see loads of people here who have multiple attempts and only regret surviving. Thoughts?

 

[Krokodile]

I was unable to go through with hypothermia method when I tried it, hard to remain committed over a slow acting method. Though I still had unanswered questions back then, so maybe next time will be different now that I don't. But can't know for certain until I try.

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

Survival instinct can inflict momentary regret to the most rational suicide

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I don't... I regret not being able to go through with it.

 

[depressedteddybear]

I regret not doing having a method when I was mentally ready

 

[F@#$]

I regret no killing myself years ago.

 

[Abyssal]

I regret failing.

How can I regret death if I am not dead?

 

[AInilam]

Survival instinct can inflict momentary regret to the most rational suicide

Felt that for months after my first attempt, didn't help that people kept packing on heat while I was trying to process everything that happened. Welfare check made me feel like I committed some heinous crime and the way I was treated by medical staff and authorities didn't help either. I started to believe it, and became paranoid and the worse part was I couldn't pinpoint exactly why it mattered so much if I had succeeded or not (at the time I didn't know it was a welfare check until recently). I started to think complete strangers were invested in my life/watching or judging me (like a lot of people). I almost wanted to recover out of spite but just ended up spiraling back into the same state I was last year before my attempt.

My only regret was failing and losing the means to a peaceful method.

 

[SecretDissociation]

Like many of the comments here I regret not killing myself when younger/in the right mental space for it. I regret my SI and still choosing to be alive. Death is infinite and no regrets will be with me when I die so no point regretting an attempt. It just makes me closer to death.

 

[Jet Black]

They won't put any articles or interviews on social media for people that regret their surviving after unsuccessful CTB attempts. It's not political correct, still the majority of people are pro-lifers. They try to do various things to prevent people from CTB, like describing how painful that is, even for methods that should not be painful at all, and how regretful you are gonna be, etc.

I think it's a nature thing that your SI might make you regret your attempt at that very moment, that doesn't necessarily means everybody who committed CTB yet survived will get the mindset that they shouldn't CTB in the first place.

So for people who are considering it, the most important thing is to be sure you really wanna do it and get ready, instead of some impulsive behavior that you are gonna regret later on.

 

[_Broken_alice]

We regret failing our first attempt over a decade ago. We only survived due to choosing a very flawed method. (overdose on diphenhydramine combined with alcohol.) That was hell to say the least. It was so unpleasant and physically hurt so much. It also permanently messed up our brain chemistry in combo with the psych meds we were on at the time. We haven't experienced even fleeting happiness since. Nothing has ever felt real since then either. At best, we can be content and suffering less while unsure if we even really exist as anything more than a conciousness. And we knew as soon as we crossed the line where we knew it was not enough. We had a severe breakdown from the mental pain of our failure and still had to deal with the unpleasantness and pain for a few more hours before finally falling asleep. We only regret not having access to enough information to make a much more informed attempt at the time.
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We regret not making an attempt when our favorite person and now-ex asked for a divorce.. Even as she broke us, we didn't want to hurt her. Now, an attempt would just hurt even more people, so here we still are.
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Now that we are at the point just a few criteria being met will result in another much more thoroughly planned attempt, we still fear another failure or our always absent SI deciding to show up to the party after nearly 29 miserable years on this planet. Doesn't help the fear of failure considering our chosen method is SN and we have SEVERE emetophobia and get nauseous really easily. Still the best available option we have since N may as well not exist anymore and other methods fail one or more of our criteria such as endangering OR severely traumatizing others.
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We thought we accidentally managed to CTB on new years (poly drug use and a new ROA for one of them leading to a few waves of blacking out while not being aware of either our breathing or pulse in between). It was so peaceful we were upset when we realized we were going to survive despite having no intent to CTB in that moment. Even though what we took had no real chance at ending our life at our consumed dosages, we very much did not know that in the moment because we were so out of it from the intended effects of the combo.
We even wrote another hasty note we discovered in our journal on our desk the next day having forgotten we wrote it... The last two words were "Sorry mom." written in handwriting that does not match any of our known alters' writing styles yet had to have been written by one of us. Before the comedown started, we only remember the feelings of inner peace and laying down accepting it if it happened. We were only upset at the pain it would have caused the very few people we love and care about. We cried for hours afterward and haven't felt the same since.
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If it comes down to another intentional attempt, we will do everything we can to ensure we do not survive it. We already have everything we need including anti-emetics, we just hope our criteria to choose to CTB aren't fulfilled as deep down, we do want to get better, our situation is just unbearably awful and could get much worse. We also realize we are an extreme exception in having no SI to speak of. We guess not feeling like anything is real contributes to the lack of such in our case...