Discussion Do you prefer people to have sympathy or empathy for you?

[TAW122]

Do you prefer people to have sympathy/pity for you or empathy/understanding? Personally, I hate it when people have sympathy or pity over me (it's different from empathy and understanding) because in a sense, it is like they are looking down on me, mocking me, kicking me while I'm already down. When I was young and naive, I used to believe that sympathy was for my benefit, but I couldn't be further from the truth. It was just another way for people (and society) to kick me while I'm down, fake concern, and also humble brag to themselves about what a morally superior being they are.

I prefer empathy and understanding over sympathy and pity because it shows that they (people) can relate to my suffering, issues, and acknowledge it. While that alone would not solve my issues, it is still certainly better than being looked down upon and kicked while I'm already down.

Which do you prefer and why?

 

[Yomyom]

sympathy/pity and basically attention
Very addicted feeling, make me feel like my life actually have a meaning

 

[UninformedLover]

I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said. I prefer empathy from others. It feels good to find someone who can truly understand and empathize with you. (To me) It feels as if you aren't really alone which is comforting.

 

[RM5998]

Anything that's not pity, please. Indifference would be fine as well, make it extra spicy if you can. No, I don't need ketchup, and yes, it's a take-away. Yes, I know it makes no sense, but I still would prefer that.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Sympathy and pity, because there is an honesty and proper distance to it. I don't expect people to live my life for me and I don't want them dragged down into my slump.
.
Now an attempt to understand I can appreciate, while at the same time realizing that understanding is rare.

 

[TAW122]

@Yomyom Understandable and I was similar to you when I was younger (before I really saw the world for what it is).

@UninformedLover Yes, I can relate to that feeling, while it doesn't necessarily give me a solution it is certainly better than being looked down upon, mocked, ridiculed, or dismissed.

@RM5998 Same here, I dislike pity a lot because of the nature and intent of it. It's not coming from a place of (genuine) care but rather arrogance and moral superiority.

@a.n.kirillov Good post and yes, my life is my life to live and no one else's. I still don't find much benefit to what 'pity' will bring for the pitied (the person being pitied on) except for the pitier (person pitying the unfortunate).

 

[Skathon]

Neither.

 

[pole]

personally, i'd want none. i never liked people caring about me or worrying about me and having that attention and focus placed on me.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

It would be nice for people in my life to understand WHY I'm choosing to ctb instead of demonizing me and acting like I can simply get over it. I just wish more people understood grief is complex and just because one person gets over something that doesn't mean I can.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Neither. I prefer compassion, a recognition that something is wrong, and a desire to make it better without owning/taking on what is wrong. Sometimes it's being able to recognize nothing can be done by the one feeling the compassion, except to have it, and to wish for the well-being of the one suffering.

 

[TAW122]

Neither.

I think that's a good choice too. It is better than fake concern or care for sure.

personally, i'd want none. i never liked people caring about me or worrying about me and having that attention and focus placed on me.

That makes sense, it would be better to have no interference than (potential) interference from others into one's life. One of the worst kinds of people are those who "pretend" or feign caring just to score brownie points or get approval from society (or their peer groups), which is just despicable, even worse than the ones who don't care at all.

It would be nice for people in my life to understand WHY I'm choosing to ctb instead of demonizing me and acting like I can simply get over it. I just wish more people understood grief is complex and just because one person gets over something that doesn't mean I can.

Well said. I too couldn't find people IRL (and too risky to even try) who would understand and respect me instead of treating me like a problem or ill person to be solved or cured. Agreed with your last sentence too, we all have different tolerances and limits, what may be nothing to another person could be a world of pain for another; no two individuals are ever the same.

Neither. I prefer compassion, a recognition that something is wrong, and a desire to make it better without owning/taking on what is wrong. Sometimes it's being able to recognize nothing can be done by the one feeling the compassion, except to have it, and to wish for the well-being of the one suffering.

Good statement and yes, I do feel a little bit better when I hear people (genuinely) know that sometimes there is no solution to a problem and that giving up or letting it go (and respecting one's decision) is a better choice than fighting a losing war/battle.

 

[terry_a_davis]

I sometimes get confused by the difference between empathy and sympathy, i don't want any of it there's people and animals in much worse situations that deserve it, i don't.

"The difference in meaning is usually explained with some variation of the following: sympathy is when you share the feelings of another; empathy is when you understand the feelings of another but do not necessarily share them."

If this is accurate then may be empathy is the better emotion for me to be able to feel, more constructive. I voted empathy.

 

[TAW122]

Well for me, empathy is being able to relate and understand another's feelings, situation, problems, etc. whereas sympathy is more along the lines of feeling bad while looking down on and feeling superior to the 'pitied' person. It basically lies in the intention and treatment towards others.

I do agree with you though, empathy is better than sympathy because it comes from an more selfless and less arrogant, pompous manner.

 

[Zer0]

I hate pity. I don't want anyone to ever feel that way about me and I try not to feel this about anyone.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

I've never received any from anyone but I have voted empathy and understanding as I'd imagine that would be nice to experience.
Unfortunately with me it revolves around health, my health has ruined my life from the start but because everyone I associate with is strong character and have problems of their own they wouldn't listen if I explained. Where as they may have 5 physical ailments or social circumstances. I have about 25 which is just beyond a joke and not even believable.

 

[BlackPoppet]

I've never received any from anyone but I have voted empathy and understanding as I'd imagine that would be nice to experience.
Unfortunately with me it revolves around health, my health has ruined my life from the start but because everyone I associate with is strong character and have problems of their own they wouldn't listen if I explained. Where as they may have 5 physical ailments or social circumstances. I have about 25 which is just beyond a joke and not even believable.

Well you can always PM me if you need a friendly ear.

 

[TAW122]

I've never received any from anyone but I have voted empathy and understanding as I'd imagine that would be nice to experience.
Unfortunately with me it revolves around health, my health has ruined my life from the start but because everyone I associate with is strong character and have problems of their own they wouldn't listen if I explained. Where as they may have 5 physical ailments or social circumstances. I have about 25 which is just beyond a joke and not even believable.

Yeah, sometimes I always wondered if it's the people that I associate with IRL that are like that or if it's just me. I think what you said is on point though.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

Well you can always PM me if you need a friendly ear.

Thanks pal appreciate it.

 

[RottenDeer]

Empathy. I hate attention but I like the feeling of being understood.

 

[Epsilon0]

Neither.
I don't like to talk about my problems with the people in my life. I don't like to stand out and I don't need any special treatment.

Empathy. I hate attention but I like the feeling of being understood.

I don't understand anyone else, so it would be absurd to expect or desire anyone to understand me.

 

[TAW122]

Neither.
I don't like to talk about my problems with the people in my life. I don't like to stand out and I don't need any special treatment.



I don't understand anyone else, so it would be absurd to expect or desire anyone to understand me.

Understandable and it makes sense. For some people, having others' give some sort of special treatment can cause said person to feel more isolated rather than inclusive or like a part of the group, belonging, as well as getting in the way of their life. I'm mostly the same way though if I had to choose between just two options, empathy wins over sympathy pretty much almost all the time. I'd rather have understanding and emotional support (not judgment) than to have judgment and scorn on top of my pains. Ideally, having neither and an actual solution to my problems would be the most ideal situation but of course most times in reality, that just doesn't happen...

 

[AtleastMyKdWontBe0]

Don't really fully understand the difference tbh. Honestly just attention is good.

 

[Vanity]

They have neither so lol