Discussion Do you live life more freely knowing now that your life is in your hands and you can go whenever you want?

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

How has your way of living changed since deciding to CTB? To me, CTB is the brick wall in my lifeline, anything beyond that is black because it doesn't exist anymore. I am no longer afraid to stand up to people and I am no longer afraid of getting hurt. I won't suffer from the effects for too long because i'm dying soon anyway. This is probably bad because doing things without a care can be traumatic, especially if suddenly that brick wall were to be caved in. Who knows. Anyone else?

 

[awfullife]

Way of living? I think most of us are here because we arent capable of living. The brick wall already caved in on me and now I just have to realize that I'm already gone. It's hard to do but I'm getting there.

 

[BRAINWORMS]

I had a nice, fairly stable three months after joining SS specifically because I now have SN on hand and know how to tie a ligature. I'm struggling right now, but I still feel more at ease knowing that I have a choice in whether I want to fight or not.

 

[demuic]

Somewhat. I have really tried to stop letting things hold me back from doing or saying what I really believe. Like fear of others reactions, or that something isn't the "socially acceptable" thing to say. Though I don't know if it's quite related to wanting to CTB, I've wanted to CTB for years but this change in me has only occured in the past 2 years or so, just no longer really caring as much about what other people might think of me, or giving a fuck in general, because most people either don't take the time to understand, are stupid, or don't care about you, so why should you care about them or their opinions. I guess more of the realization that "life is too short" in a way.

 

[creative]

Yeah I found I just don't give a fuck anymore. Like I just want to do what makes me happy for the rest of the time that I'm here

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

Way of living? I think most of us are here because we arent capable of living. The brick wall already caved in on me and now I just have to realize that I'm already gone. It's hard to do but I'm getting there.

A lot of us are gone inside already, but unless we actually die we still live our lives, even if we are incapable of functioning because of our situation. Maybe I should have reworded it to "Has deciding to CTB made you do things you wouldn't otherwise do if you wanted to live."

To me the brick wall prevents me from having a future. I was trying to figuratively describe CTB as a brick wall - the wall I put up myself because I don't want to live past the day I set. The wall caving in and falling down would be me suddenly deciding to live and keep on going. Without that wall, I would be very careful because I am well aware my actions would have a big impact down the line, should I choose to live. Since I put up the wall that is CTB, I no longer fear the consequences that would've haunted me if I kept living. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

 

[Ghost2211]

Ctb won't be an option any time soon, but I don't live with longevity in mind. I eat what I want, and don't really care about long term health. I won't regret these choices... who wants to get old anyway. I would rather live as I please and die young than worry about longevity regardless of ctb.

 

[ecmnesia]

no. i don't live more freely, because depression. but i do feel more free.

 

[sadworld]

I found myself doing more risky things that could have long term consequences if I would keep living for a few years.

 

[YukiFox]

Sure. In fact, I was pro-life since a lovely friend died by suicide in 2013. I quit about being a pro-life in 2017 since I admitted that I want to kill myself too, and since then I live more peacefully. I always had suicidal thoughts, but never a real attempt. I do not condemn suicide nor encourage, only accept as a reality. In my case, I want to live a little more, but if I have to, I will not fear my own death.

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

Sure. In fact, I was pro-life since a lovely friend died by suicide in 2013. I quit about being a pro-life in 2017 since I admitted that I want to kill myself too, and since then I live more peacefully. I always had suicidal thoughts, but never a real attempt. I do not condemn suicide nor encourage, only accept as a reality. In my case, I want to live a little more, but if I have to, I will not fear my own death.

That was beautifully worded. It's still sad that suicide is reality for some people. I wish we were all capable of living peacefully, but life is quite unsuspected in the end and some choose this to escape it. Do you think accepting death helps give you peace in life?

 

[Gsz1982]

I am in a horrendous situation and I am tormented daily, hourly in fact. Recently since joining SS I have felt more at peace knowing that others out their feel the same. Having CTB is my ticket to freedom which I know I can cash in anytime I want. I feel in control and I am spending time doing some things I wanted to do before I CTB. In the end I get to say when this pain stops. That's liberating for me and means I have the last word against those who have pushed me to this place in my life.

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

I am in a horrendous situation and I am tormented daily, hourly in fact. Recently since joining SS I have felt more at peace knowing that others out their feel the same. Having CTB is my ticket to freedom which I know I can cash in anytime I want. I feel in control and I am spending time doing some things I wanted to do before I CTB. In the end I get to say when this pain stops. That's liberating for me and means I have the last word against those who have pushed me to this place in my life.

I am sorry you are in so much pain. I also feel liberated after making up my mind. Even though it's sad, it gives me a push to do whatever I can before I go. Hopefully SS can continue to be a place where you are comforted in your lowest times.

 

[AutoTap]

Way of living? I think most of us are here because we arent capable of living. The brick wall already caved in on me and now I just have to realize that I'm already gone. It's hard to do but I'm getting there.

Couldn't have said it better
No because I'm not living life. I'm simply surviving/existing.

 

[Nymph]

I have everything I need to ctb but I know I can't die yet because I have a rabbit. I like having the feeling of knowing I have SN and the other stuff but I still can't do it. I have to wait many years and that's the reality. It sucks, I can't just ctb. I have to survive for my bunny

 

[justsad&done]

Ctb won't be an option any time soon, but I don't live with longevity in mind. I eat what I want, and don't really care about long term health. I won't regret these choices... who wants to get old anyway. I would rather live as I please and die young than worry about longevity regardless of ctb.

Like you, longevity is not in my plan, but as much as I want to ctb asap, I'm trying to wait for my kids sake - and yes, do as I want now without much worry about long-term.

 

[Ghost2211]

Like you, longevity is not in my plan, but as much as I want to ctb asap, I'm trying to wait for my kids sake - and yes, do as I want now without much worry about long-term.

Exactly. It's quite a free way to live, and if we are to live for others we might as well make the most of the moment and do the fun lifestyle things others avoid.

 

[justsad&done]

Exactly. It's quite a free way to live, and if we are to live for others we might as well make the most of the moment and do the fun lifestyle things others avoid.

That is so true. In my head and my heart, I'm thinking I won't be here for long so make the most of each day.

 

[Meditation guide]

I feel so relieved knowing I can leave whenever I need to. I actually have seen some health improvements in my stomach and digestion and mental state since then. I feel like maybe I can do more things to help myself and improve things now.

 

[Meditation guide]

I have everything I need to ctb but I know I can't die yet because I have a rabbit. I like having the feeling of knowing I have SN and the other stuff but I still can't do it. I have to wait many years and that's the reality. It sucks, I can't just ctb. I have to survive for my bunny

I relate so much to this. I could never leave behind a pet that I love. You are blessed for your loving heart my fellow animal lover.