I probably have some level of mild brain damage due to my SN attempt. I had to be intubated and there was risk of damage to my brain, heart, lungs, and liver. Although no red flags were raised I haven't had a brain scan since and so there's probably minimal amounts of brain damage from it. I definitely feel stupider, and like I have less control over my emotions.
That's a huge fear for me, though I must die, especially after a recent bait n switch sort of nightmare occurred with the only connection that would have remotely warranted myself continuing on through all other manners of misery I already endure..and those still yet to come.
I wish I had another way, SN used to seem much more "safe" in the case of failure.
That was the main allure, besides the apparently high success rate and previous ease of access.
The thought of surviving only to have to endure an even worse quality of life is too much…I definitely don't want to be intubated and brain damage is my ultimate nightmare, above all other nightmares.
I doubt you got brain damage from SN, but probably depends on how long it was until they got to you. The exact same thing happened to me except I wasn't the one who called the ambulance, had to be intubated, woke up in ICU, told I would've died etc etc. I'm just lucky I live with free healthcare otherwise I would've had even more to deal with.
I certainly hope not, for their sake and others like them, but I wonder to what extent a person would be able to tell unless it was so significant that others could observe an obvious decline or difference (and other people are usually dismissive of detriments in the first place, so I imagine it would have to be pretty severe in order to be acknowledged by anyone besides one's own self).
Personally my mental capacity, clarity, ability and intellect already seem to have taken quite a few hits from the years of overall suffering…I imagine many here experience the same.
So for the brain to also be legitimately starved of oxygen to the point of permanent damage via SN…Jesus Christ.
Who called the ambulance on you?
Yep. A couple of years ago a cousin-in-law had a failed gunshot to the head. Idk what his life is like now, but he is in his mother's care permanently. There's probably brain and cosmetic damage.
Horrific.
We need more bulletproof ways to ensure that we aren't kept alive after attempts with devastating consequences as well.
DNRs are often ignored or only respected under specific circumstances with elderly patients.
I think there should be a way to preemptively refuse medical treatment in the case of life altering damage..or perhaps even in any case.
I'm of the mind that advances in medicine sometimes only accomplish the prolonging of suffering or the disturbing preservation of something that is not yourself..like in the case of brain damage.
One of my sister in laws uncles tried to kill himself when he was in his 20's. He drove his motorcycle into a concrete barrier on the highway going 90 mph. He thought that no one would be able to survive a crash like that especially without a helmet. He wrote a long suicide note explains this and his reason for doing so and left it on the kitchen table on Friday night expecting his maid to find it on Monday morning when she came into work. Then he went to a bar and got drunk before going on the highway and crashing his motorcycle into a concrete barrier. He survived. He suffered a spinal cord injury and brain damage and is a paraplegic. He has been in a wheelchair for close to 30 years.
Case in point, absolutely god awful.
The fact that life even allows for this possibility..while society is pushing people further into despair and into taking more desperate measures such as his method…no words suffice.
Being paralyzed has always been a fear of mine. Not because I would see myself as lesser for it, but because of how society treats the disabled. I think that would make me wish I succeeded. I hope him and his family are doing the best they can in this world regardless.
You also lose even more control..of your body and your life. The sense of entrapment intensifies, with even less ability to do anything about it. You're more at the mercy of others than ever before.
Add brain damage to the mix, and you're totally fucked..you're not even you anymore.
