Do you know anyone in real life who ctb'd?

[johnny]

Personally I don't.

If you do and don't mind talking about it, could you list their age, method, possible reasons, what it was like after at the funeral or for their family, etc.

 

[Lifeisatrap]

When I was in high school a guy I knew killed himself via hanging at 17. I was so jealous, hated highschool.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

My cousin's son a year ago, nearly 20 years old, by train and because he was being abused by his bitch mother. We didn't know it at the time or we would have helped him escape her. His momster didn't even go to his funeral, only relatives from his dad's side. I didn't go as it was abroad.

A year on my cousin is deeply depressed at the death of his only son and drinking too much.

 

[stargazer]

I have a post already titled When my friend suicided by train.

In short, the only thing to add was we weren't as close as people seemed to think, so the funeral wasn't so hard on me. I was seated almost away from everyone so that made it easier.

I think once everyone had cried once then things got easier at the wake onwards.

I don't know all the specifics because they weren't discussed and I didn't want to ask at the funeral of all places. It was probably something they didn't want to, naturally, address.

So all I had was speculation (it was by train) and that he'd eventually had his life support turned off. That's all I heard at the funeral officially.

Wish I could have given you more.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

Some guy at work blew his brains out when he was about 45.

The way everybody talked about it is a big reason I don't do it now. They whisper about it and act all ashamed. Idiots. I don't know what he was dealing with. I understand and respect his decision.

 

[ReadyasEver]

A friend of mine had his business go under, took a 45 a blew a hole in his chest. Right through the heart.

 

[Empty Smile]

I know 3 people.

My uncle hung himself when I was young. Don't remember much about that. Not sure of his age.

Female friend, 30 years old in the 90s, put gun in mouth. Did not find out about this for several weeks after.

Female friend, 44 years old in 2014, suicide pact using cyanide pills. Her husband was a dick to her, physically, verbally, and sexually abusing her, then after her suicide, he pretended to care

 

[yppah71]

A very good friend and roommate from college killed himself three years ago from an overdose of sleeping pills. It was all very sad as he had a lovely wife and two kids under 7. Part of the reason we always got along so well was that we both went through depressive spells and could speak to each candidly. We were in at least weekly contact for 25 years.

But as time moved on, it got harder and harder to keep in touch. Work or family obligations took got in the way - plus I know both of us started to feel an ambivalence towards life. We hadn't spoken for about a year before he died - something I took as a rejection initially. I see it more now as the same cycle of cutting social ties I've been going through.

He overdosed a first time but was found and blamed it on taking too much since the pills were "old". He took a business trip several weeks later and carried through with it via an increased dose. Seeing the pain it caused his family and our mutual friends really shook me for a while and made me try to live again. That has worn off now and I've realized that for some people, life isn't worth it, and that all we can do is try to minimize the collateral damage.

As much as I hate the pain for his wife and kids, and wish he could have found the right intervention to fight the pain he felt for the sake of his family, I completely understand why he did it. Frankly, a twisted part of me is jealous of his success.

 

[blvck]

my friend last december. he was 20. family held together, smiles. think they were still in shock. some of my friends cried. Me? I was angry because he beat me to it. I'm sick

 

[EndofMyRope]

My cousin killed herself by some sort of overdose about 5 years ago. We were more like sisters than cousin. It wasn't her first attempt and we knew it was only a matter of time. She doctor shopped, stockpiled meds and suffered from both physical and mental problems. The worst part of it all was that her two little boys were the ones who found her unconscious in her apartment afterwards. After being transported to a local trauma center, she was taken off of life support and died. Her father is my closest uncle and Godfather.

 

[Final Escape]

I know of many people who either ctb or died really young back in my home state. Most of these young people were troubled or had come from broken homes. Addiction was a common issue.

 

[TiredHorse]

Fr: mid-50s, friend of my family, like an uncle, hung himself in his closet. Me: 10 Shocking to all of us; he was very successful, very powerful in state government.

Ma: 70s, my favorite aunt, OD on sleeping pills (probably N, given the era) at home. Me: 13 Sad, but not surprising. She missed her husband, who had died from lung cancer years before, and she ctb on their wedding anniversary.

Co: 14, friend in high school, partial in our dorm. Me: 15 Lived for a while, but eventually his family turned off life support. Made a mess out of the entire (small) school.

Ro: 18, close high school friend, went off the GG bridge. Me: 19 Insanely talented musician, his gf dumped him. Shocking, but not surprising. He had been on lithium during high school, and we weren't surprised losing his gf was too much.

Jo: 18, high school classmate, suffocation w/bag in his apartment. Me: 20 I wasn't in the area, but it sounds like it was pretty awful for family and my cadre.

Ed: mid-60s, my father-in-law, CO in the family car. Me: 25 Fucked with the family, especially his son. He was an alcoholic, PTSD from time as a LEO and FF, depressed; badly broken, starting with a truly fucked up childhood. My wife suppressed a lot of it, since they'd had an antagonistic relationship, but I know it hit her hard.

Ma: 25, distant friend, shot himself. Me: 29 I wasn't in the area, but it messed up his cadre. He botched the job, blew out hif frontal lobe rather than his brainstem, but his family eventually took him off life support.

Je: 31, close friend, shot himself at home. Me: 32 Complete surprise. Rattled the hell out of us all.

Er: late-40s, friend, shot himself in his truck. Me: 44 Alcoholic, life falling apart, had just gotten busted for DUI; his wife looked out the window and saw he was still parked in the driveway when he should have been at work. Shocking, but not surprising; mostly we all looked around at each other and said, "damn, yup, that makes sense."

 

[Watson]

My younger cousin, 28, hanging, 2015.
He was only a year younger than me and was the only person I got along with in my family/extended family. One of the few people I got along with in life really.

There was no note or anything.
But I believe one of the reasons was due to his parents divorce. He ended up living with his mom for some reason and she was an evil human being.

His dad/my youngest uncle has been a wreck ever since. He's completely destroyed and so heartbroken. It breaks my heart.

I was and I wasn't surprised if that makes sense. My cousin was a wonderful person but he also suffered horribly with major depression.
He and I would talk about life and death and we both had an understanding that our times would come to an end on our terms.. I just didn't know how soon it was to happen for him.

 

[iHeartRockArt]

My cousin (god-mother) at age 29 when I was only 6 years old. She started her car in the closed garage and died by carbon monoxide poisoning. That was the first death I'd ever been through.

Another cousin shot himself in his front yard so his wife would find him when she got home from work, it was horrible. He was angry with her and told her to be ready to find his dead body...and he wasn't joking. Ugh.

In 1997 a neighbor (young man/father) hung himself in the basement and his 6 or 7 yr old daughter found him.

And the most recent was my uncle who had ALS, though we are not for certain it was suicide or what method because by the time he was found his body was already decomposing. I can't even talk about it, give me PTSD flashbacks. Long story short, I had called for a welfare check on him cause he had not been heard of in 5 days and he was supposed to be going to his moms for Christmas. He lived alone and 5 hours from me. The sheriff never called me back to let me know. So I called them again and they told me they went and checked and he was ok. Well they lied...cause he was dead. Neighbor found him. Kills me cause they lied to me when I was worried sick. He wasn't that advanced yet, he'd just been diagnosed about a week prior. So that's why I suspect suicide, cause he seemed to still be ok. Which I don't blame him due to ALS being such a horrible disease. I'm glad he's at peace. But it still shook me up.

 

[DesperateChallenge]

I know two people.

First guy was a captain in the military with two kids and marital problems. I don't know why he really chose to commit suicide, know he had been released from inpatient psych the day prior. He jumped from his high rise apartment building and landed on top of someone's car. Was likely dead on impact. I was disgusted that the people planning his military rememberence ceremony acted like it was such a big inconvenience and comments were made openly about how pathetic and selfish he was.

Second guy was a veteran with two kids and an ex wife. She had taken the kids to another state. He had struggled with demons in the past and I don't know what he had going on at the time but he went for a run one night and ran out in front of a truck. I didn't go to his funeral. I am sure his kids were heartbroken at the time but that goes away eventually and as far as I can tell now, the kids and ex have moved on and are living a happy life without him.

Whenever I talk about suicide with my therapist, he tries to tell me that I will be hurting a lot of people and ruining their life. I call BS... yes it will hurt initially but everyone moves on eventually and will get back to normal life. It's just how it is.

 

[stargazer]

A very good friend and roommate from college killed himself three years ago.... Frankly, a twisted part of me is jealous of his success.

I really loved your last line. It suits my mindset the last few years to a T. And that was before a friend of mine, perhaps the closest thing to a close friend, off'd himself in front of a train a few months ago.

Apart from his surviving on life support for a short while, I am also jealous of his success. He hasn't had to live through the changes of the last few months either.

I'm looking forward to my own (without surviving) success, soon enough, but not by train.

 

[GreenLantern]

There were 2 guys from my high school I remember that committed suicide.

One was in 9th grade. Don't know his method or how he did it. But I remember feeling sorry for him that it happened because he was a cool guy. He was like a "gentle giant".

The other guy was in 11th grade. I think he used a handgun to his head. I didn't feel bad for him at the time, because he was mean to me once. The thing about him is he was really popular. He might have actually been the most popular guy in our grade. And he had an attractive girlfriend. Rumor was that he did it because the girl broke up with him, but they were saying he had some other stuff going on too. I didn't like him back then. But if he had lived, I think he would've really enjoyed life as an adult considering how popular, stylish, and successful he was socially and with women.

 

[Letmego. Please]

Two friends from psych ward, one hanged himself, the other took an insulin overdose.
Another good friend a few years later did the hosepipe exhaust thing.
There maybe more but my brain doesn't want to think too much about that at the mo.

 

[Norest4thewicked]

Two friends many years ago. One jumped from a high rise block of flats, the other was shocking. We knew he was suffering, he doused himself with petrol and set himself alight.

 

[Nerdyartist85]

Twice:

When I was 13 years old, my aunt (my father's sister) shot herself in the head in front of her husband two weeks before Christmas.

I use to work as a social worker for the elderly and disabled population. I had a client who stabbed himself with a knife in his basement. His elderly mother with dementia ended up finding him. That was a really bad day at work.

 

[GhostedToast]

Today marks 5 years since one of my aunts killed herself. One person at my school i knew killed himself in october.

 

[Deivis]

Yea.. They were not my very close acquaintances, but we've met many times,

One guy (32) stepped out the window.

Another (24) hanged himself due to Bitcoin crash - got hugely in debt.

One girl (31) was deliberately destroying her body and when she got diagnosed (something kidney/liver related), she refused help and went into solitude, so it was like a passive suicide.


Funny to recall these people now... It's like they're specs of dust, never really existed.

 

[YukiFox]

Well, the CTB for someone was my trigger to my own CTB thoughts, or at least increase them.
She attended the college with me. Was a wonderful, kind person, but had a lot of struggles with the depression and psychotic crisis, she worsened since the death of her mother.
Well... I was on my home when another friend called me, she was crying. Our mutual friend was dead. She jumped from one of the buildings of the college. It was a huge impact. My survival friend worsened her bipolar disorder, specially since she confessed to me that this friend and the girl who CTB had a pact, who this second girl doesn´t complete. My second friend hospitalized several times.
The thing is: her friends we had a huuuugeeee impact, our grief stands until today, and on the date of her brithday it´s impossible not to being sad with her memories.
Since her CTB I became an activist for CTB prevention, but it was a lie to myself. I want to pass away too, but all that grief and the CTB crisis of this second friend worsened my depression and mental issues (I don´t want any diagnosis, but I have something). So, I accept it. I´m starting to make peace with the death.
I don´t want to be heard as an attention whore, but that´s my reality. And I still grief my friend.

 

[stargazer]

May I say, since I've already contributed, and without having this comment deleted: reading these stories and the more that will follow, are simply breath-taking.
It's a real eye-opener. More so just the details, the how, the why.

Then again, the road fatality tally every year, probably affects many, more so the "friends and friends" and so on.

Same thing reading these posts. It's just amazing. And like someone else said about "it's like recalling specs of dust."

It's surreal. Just really, surreal :/