Do you have some repeating or compulsory thoughts which are daily on your mind?

[noname223]

My suicidal thoughts are also caused by my OCD. It is often the sentence "I gonna kill myself" which I repeat. I think this has something to do with my mania or psychosis. When I am depressed I repeat something I told to some professionals. "I read books from people who have committed suicide. I visit suicide forums. And I am planning my own suicide." It sounded kind of dramatic. I am ambivalent what I think about that. Sometimes this thought comforts me because I think I gonna die anyway and I don't need to be scared about the present so much. I can still commit suicide when life turns hell again. On the other side I am kind of scared. I am scared that this is a self-fulfilling prohecy and I can't escape my fate suicide. I have very diametrical thoughts on that.

When I tend to become manic I repeat other thoughts. Like today. They are more focused to induce mania and ecstasy. (I don't mean the drug...) I always repeat moments when I have presented myself as very intelligent and extraordinary. I know this is quite pathetic but it is related to the bullying I have experienced.

Many of these repeating thoughts are caused by OCD. Others from my tendency to become psychotic. ( I analyze conversations a lot. Some of them are even years ago but not so many...) And on top of that it probably also has to do with my mania/major depression. Lol. I am such a wreck. But today I feel better. Probably because I am more or less on the edge of a new mania. It is quite dangerous.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Red Scare]

The only constant obsessive thought I have is that I need to ctb before things get worse. And they will.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, most things make me feel worse and everything causes me stress. I have so much dread for the future. I have the same thoughts everyday about how things will only get worse for me. I struggle to concentrate. I just want to not exist, as nothing can hurt me when I am dead. I think for me it is perfectly rational to be constantly worrying. Life is so horrible after all and there is no limit as to how bad things can get. I'm sorry that you are suffering. I wish you the best.

 

[Dysgenic Pup]

I always think about sociability. I can be watching YouTube videos or movies and just be analyzing how good the social skills are of the characters.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I tend to feel compelled to ruminate about past mistakes I've made but to not do that would be to forgive my worst bully and tormentor and I'm not going to let that awful person, who is me, get away with it.