Do you have low self-esteem?

[wait.what]

Exactly what it says on the tin. Do you, or do you not, have low self-esteem, in your own estimation?

People expect suicidal folks to be depressed (check), and for depressed people to loathe themselves (no). Considering the hand I was dealt, I feel like I played it pretty well.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I'm sort of a halfway point between "I hate myself so much" and "intellectually I understand I'm not that bad but I still hate myself." There's days where I really, really hate myself and just want to go and there's other days where I feel I'm really not so bad. I don't think there's any patterns to it. My reasons are all the same, I hate these immutable traits I was born with, I hate my personality, I find everything about myself repulsive - and naturally, this repulses the people around me, too.

 

[Pluto]

I've voted the first option, though the issue isn't self-hatred, but instead an endlessly repeating pattern of incapability, unworthiness and ailing health that has left me feeling deeply inferior to normal people. The more I tried to emulate normality despite being saddled with some dubious genes and a history of family abuse, the more the pervasive frustration with life turned to pathological depression.

 

[Un-]

There's nothing to like about me, but everything to hate about me. Sigh.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

There's nothing to like about me, but everything to hate about me. Sigh.

I feel the exact same way. There is nothing at all to like about me, which is I guess my own fault, can't blame anyone but myself. Which is why I do truly hate myself and my life and want to die.

 

[outatime_85]

Yes, I hate myself.

Yes, I have a lot of childhood trauma.

No, I was not set-up for success in childhood.

No, I did not play the hand I was dealt in the game correctly, and I am paying for it.

No, I don't deserve love or friends.

Yes, I deserved the bad things that happened to me.

I now walk this rock wearing a happy mask every day to hide all I am dealing with.

Yet, on the inside, I know I am unlovable; no one will ever want to be a real friend to me; I am insufficient; I am unworthy; I am not "good enough," and I am dealing with an inferiority complex, depression, sadness, and possibly other mental health issues.

I can not see anything positive about myself or my existence.

 

[lionetta12]

Exactly what it says on the tin. Do you, or do you not, have low self-esteem, in your own estimation?

People expect suicidal folks to be depressed (check), and for depressed people to loathe themselves (no). Considering the hand I was dealt, I feel like I played it pretty well.

I used to be pretty confident, but a combination of having a family that's very abusive verbally, that support eating disorders and think that's great, and even encourage it + several abusive past partners who'd cheat on me and talk down on my appearance, I've lost all my confidence and self worth. This didn't happen over night. I feel that I've been strong and I had been unfaced by the comments and actions of others regarding this topic for around 8 years, but now lately in recent years it has just been too much and it's crushed me completely, the comments and actions of others have finally gotten to me now and I can't take it anymore.

I'm now too scared to take a selfie of myself or to look in the mirror, I used to be fine with people taking photos of me but now I freak out. I feel ugly all the time and horrible. I've had a few cosmetic surgeries and treatments, but it really hasn't helped. I feel sometimes too ugly to ever be truly loved and I feel bad for whoever has to see me when I go outside because I just feel so bad and that I'm too horrible to look at for this world.

 

[Celerity]

For most of my life, I have hated myself. Suicide seemed like a worthy punishment for being so horrible. Now, after accumulating some life experience, I no longer think I'm scum of the earth. Suicide has become an escape.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Yes, I hate myself.

Yes, I have a lot of childhood trauma.

No, I was not set-up for success in childhood.

No, I did not play the hand I was dealt in the game correctly, and I am paying for it.

No, I don't deserve love or friends.

Yes, I deserved the bad things that happened to me.

I now walk this rock wearing a happy mask every day to hide all I am dealing with.

Yet, on the inside, I know I am unlovable; no one will ever want to be a real friend to me; I am insufficient; I am unworthy; I am not "good enough," and I am dealing with an inferiority complex, depression, sadness, and possibly other mental health issues.

I can not see anything positive about myself or my existence.

Same

 

[Hirokami]

There are things I genuinely do like about myself, such as my relative open-mindedness and love of knowledge. However, my psyche is completely fucked and I'm insufferable because of that. I'm just sorry the people in my life feel like they have to put up with me when they don't.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

There are things I genuinely do like about myself, such as my relative open-mindedness and love of knowledge. However, my psyche is completely fucked and I'm insufferable because of that. I'm just sorry the people in my life feel like they have to put up with me when they don't.

Hold on tightly to those things you do like about yourself. Chances are, you could end up discovering more?

 

[FuneralCry]

I wouldn't really say that I hate myself exactly but instead the thing that I have a problem with is life itself, I'm not the problem but rather life is and all of my negative feelings are towards this existence and the fact that I have to continue to endure this life rather than me specifically. I see myself as deserving better than this life, I deserve to be free from everything.

 

[lofticries]

Everyday my thoughts are that I deserve to die no matter what I'm doing. I can't trust anyone because I think they secretly hate me.

 

[Julgran]

Everyday my thoughts are that I deserve to die no matter what I'm doing. I can't trust anyone because I think they secretly hate me.

Do you perceive this to be your feeling, or have you been embroiled in arguments with people close to you, in which you have concluded that you are the problem..?

 

[lofticries]

Do you perceive this to be your feeling, or have you been embroiled in arguments with people close to you, in which you have concluded that you are the problem..?

I know it's probably just my feelings alone but I've been through a ton of bullying that it gave me a warped perception of everyone I meet.

 

[Julgran]

I know it's probably just my feelings alone but I've been through a ton of bullying that it gave me a warped perception of everyone I meet.

I can't say much about your personal situation, but if you have been bullied, it's not your fault that you are having these thoughts

 

[Scythe]

I get a lot of dysphoria because I'm trans, I hate how my body functions and how it looks. I also hate how incapable I am at doing things. A small part of me knows I can do things just need to stop nit-picking people around me to compare myself to, but most of me hates how incapable I am.

 

[CowsAreCool]

I think I'm one of the most awesome people I know. Amazing in every way. But I also think I have an Achilles heel. A problem I'm not sure I can fix, and a problem which makes my life not worth living.

 

[NumbItAll]

I voted the first option because I am absolutely horrible and bring nothing to the table. I feel ashamed when others are subjected to me, and I have trouble talking because everything I say sounds stupid and pointless. If anyone ever thinks positively of me, I simply think they haven't gathered enough information yet to be disappointed. I do not consider myself to be a valid person. Worthless, useless, expendable trash. Not wanted or needed.

 

[Source Energy]

I love myself. My problem is that I'm not loved by others. You can be awesome, but if others don't see it too, what for...
I love myself. My problem is that I'm not loved by others. You can be awesome, but if others don't see it too, what for...

 

[Forever Sleep]

Same as @Pluto said- it's not so much self hatred for me. It's a crippling lack of confidence. I suppose I hate how incompetant I am. Especially in social situations and especially with regards to my creative work- because I care about it so much.

I don't exactly hate my personality though. I try to be kind to people. I don't even hate myself for some of my bad qualities- like selfishness because they have been born out of how other people have treated me. Yes- it would have been better if I'd taken the moral high road and continued to be open and giving to everyone but ultimately- I've learned the hard way that people just walk all over you when you're like that.

I would say that to everyone who is struggling here- is it REALLY your fault? Or- did whatever behaviour you don't like in yourself come about as a response to something other people have done to you? Don't hate yourself for things that aren't your fault. Forgive yourself- because you're probably just dealing with the situation the best way you know how. Plus- I guess if it troubles you that much- try to find a different response that would make you more comfortable with yourself. Sorry if that comes across as patronizing and obvious.

As an example though- I've gone through a few spells of limerance. (Obsessive crushes on people.) They were very unpleasant and even embarassing- not that my crushes ever knew but a friend once mocked me for how obsessive I was. Before I actually knew the term limerance- I did realise they were unhealthily obsessive. What's worse is- I would obsess about obsessing- because I knew it wasn't normal. I knew I was way too ugly for any of my crushes to like me back- so- there was even more shame involved. Anyhow- when I learnt about limerance- it sounded like exactly what I had experienced. What's more though- it quite often develops in response to trauma in childhood. So- suddenly, I didn't feel quite so responsible. It seemed like it was almost inevitable I would turn out like that. Not to say we can't challenge and adjust our own behaviour but just that- don't hate or blame yourself for it necessarily. It may have come about due to the environment you were exposed to- so- it isn't your 'fault'.

 

[Zegers]

I used to be charismatic and slightly confident but health problems, dysfunctional fam and isolation undermined that, so at this point I'm an introverted hermit.

 

[unrest]

the more i get to know myself and understand my reactions, the more i hate the person that i've grown to become. there is aspects i really do enjoy about myself. but when i get pulled out of my head and see the damage i caused for myself, i just start to loathe everything about me.

 

[CloudyNight]

I don't know…

 

[AerialBoundaries]

Not low. I have no self esteem at all.