Discussion Do you have any hope of being happy again before CTB?

[WornOutLife]

I mean, you're probably sad, hopeless and depressed like me but...wouldn't you like to be happy for some time before CTB? Do you have any hope of that happening?

These days I've been trying to do my best. (no alcohol, eating healthy food, working out, etc) Still, it's so hard! I'm so unmotivated to do whatever!
My plan was to lose some pounds, have some dates, work lots, give much love to my dog and dad and then ctb in a few months.

I just want to be happy one more time before leaving this world.

What about you? Can you relate?

 

[descartes]

I dont have any hope for being happy again that is why I am ctb-ing. If I knew how to be happy or even approach happiness or begin to work on it I would do that and forget about ctb. As it is, the pain just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. What I am interested in potentially is being relaxed during the process of ctb. I haven't felt sane or relaxed or comfortable in 6-8 months I haven't had a day when I felt even remotely okay. I may be rambling and turning into an incoherent mess but that's okay because that's part of why I am ctb-ing. I'm in so much pain its unbelievable. I hope the CTB ends the pain. It's very hard for me because there was a time when I really really loved my life and I felt like I could really live an amazing life and it always just got blown to bits by the circumstances and maybe also my own poor decisions and maybe those of my family members as well. I was able to set up a full suspension arrangement and I think I'm gonna just go for it I just wish I could have some degree of comfort while I am doing it. Maybe I will smoke some weed I don't know I haven't done that in awhile. I love all of you guys I'm sorry I couldn't have met you when I was happier.

 

[nowhere2befound]

I don't either. I know i can try but still I'm useless inside. There is only a little bit of real me left and that little part is very much sure the time has come. The worst case scenario is me losing that part and filling this shell with something else. That is far greater pain than any physical pain there is. The only thing keeping ME alive is the fact i will CTB and it is my choice and my choice only.

 

[yive]

Do you have any hope of being happy again before CTB?

everything is so sad. "happy"... no, i definitely don't

 

[262653]

Sometimes I do have a content mood, though I'm not sure what's my contentment is contingent on. It happens when my basic needs are satisfied: no hunger, no thirst, no fatigue, no dirtiness; the room is properly ventilated, and I'm maintaining an efficient posture, and my desktop is cleaned.

I've been in some sense fortunate enough not having to work or buy food or pay bills just to stay alive. My activities are minimal. I exercise, shave, shower, sometimes prepare food and clean places.

 

[WornOutLife]

Sometimes I do have a content mood, though I'm not sure what's my contentment is contingent on. It happens when my basic needs are satisfied: no hunger, no thirst, no fatigue, no dirtiness; the room is properly ventilated, and I'm maintaining an efficient posture, and my desktop is cleaned.

I've been in some sense fortunate enough not having to work or buy food or pay bills just to stay alive. My activities are minimal. I exercise, shave, shower, sometimes prepare food and clean places.

I do (and try) to to the same every day! It's a small kinda happiness but it helps I guess.
The thing, I would like to feel some EXTREME happiness before dying. (without the use of drugs, of course) However, it seems impossible.

 

[Pookie]

I would love to be happy one more time before I ctb, Then again, if I was happy one more time and stayed happy I might not want to ctb anymore lol.

 

[WornOutLife]

I would love to be happy one more time before I ctb, Then again, if I was happy one more time and stayed happy I might not want to ctb anymore lol.

hahah damn dilemma! So true!

 

[Straken]

I dont have any hope for being happy again that is why I am ctb-ing. If I knew how to be happy or even approach happiness or begin to work on it I would do that and forget about ctb. As it is, the pain just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. What I am interested in potentially is being relaxed during the process of ctb. I haven't felt sane or relaxed or comfortable in 6-8 months I haven't had a day when I felt even remotely okay. I may be rambling and turning into an incoherent mess but that's okay because that's part of why I am ctb-ing. I'm in so much pain its unbelievable. I hope the CTB ends the pain. It's very hard for me because there was a time when I really really loved my life and I felt like I could really live an amazing life and it always just got blown to bits by the circumstances and maybe also my own poor decisions and maybe those of my family members as well. I was able to set up a full suspension arrangement and I think I'm gonna just go for it I just wish I could have some degree of comfort while I am doing it. Maybe I will smoke some weed I don't know I haven't done that in awhile. I love all of you guys I'm sorry I couldn't have met you when I was happier.

Dude your words resonates soo much with me. Like reading a paragraph of my own intentions

 

[descartes]

Sometimes I do have a content mood, though I'm not sure what's my contentment is contingent on. It happens when my basic needs are satisfied: no hunger, no thirst, no fatigue, no dirtiness; the room is properly ventilated, and I'm maintaining an efficient posture, and my desktop is cleaned.

I've been in some sense fortunate enough not having to work or buy food or pay bills just to stay alive. My activities are minimal. I exercise, shave, shower, sometimes prepare food and clean places.

If I ever felt content I would just go with that and not CTB. CTB-ing is a big deal and I am very against it even though I am doing it. If you're content man, just do what breeds contentment and keep doing it and eventually you will find happiness, that's what I think.

 

[*Hope*]

Nah, as long as im living in this body, I will never be happy. But I since I found out about this forum, I can destract myself and not feel sad for a little while.

 

[262653]

If I ever felt content I would just go with that and not CTB. CTB-ing is a big deal and I am very against it even though I am doing it. If you're content man, just do what breeds contentment and keep doing it and eventually you will find happiness, that's what I think.

It's complicated. I do not always feel this way, and judging by my subjective experience expressed in a journal, I think I would be better off not existing, overall. Now I'm thinking of derivatives, and how the slope is measured at a given point. Similar to how the quality of life can be evaluated differently depending on where you measure it on the time axis.

I have somewhat different views on CTB. I don't view it as a big deal unless the attempter critically fails, and is left with severe, irreversible damage.

Sure, right now I feel okay, but I'm concerned about my future too. I think it is likely that, at some point in my life, things might get really bad, and a special effort might be needed on my part, since no one else would be willing to do that for me. Bus is not available for me right now as my state is way too stable. I still want to keep my retreat routes accessible and ready to use in cases of emergency.

 

[Mentalmick]

None whatsoever.

 

[Akasha]

I can make myself happy anytime, but purpose is the only thing that would keep me content with living.

Basically what @Burzolog said.

 

[Spiral]

I believe if you have the energy and motivation for it and you are willing to fight for it and risk being hurt to achieve it you can maybe find your few moments of happiness before you go. If it's important for you to have it, then surely it's worth a try?
For me personally, I don't even want to be happy. Is happiness even real? I'm not sure I believe in it. But there are some experiences that feel like happiness, like feeling the sun on your face, or going out in really heavy rain and getting drenched, the smell of the ocean...those are all nice things that I would like to experience again before i ctb.

 

[Abir_london]

Yes part of me still not ready to leave.
So I want to fight and have a happy life, work hard, running, eat healthy and go on dates.
But as a pro-choice person I want my method to be ready anytime my life collapses.

what's your reason? Sorry if I missed it before.

 

[NodusTollens]

It's sounds like you're on the right track, I mean, you're doing your best & making real effort- even if you don't always feel motivated. I'm rooting for you, & I hope you're able to find it before you go.

As for me, I've learned that in my life happiness is fleeting. I don't expect to find it before I go, I feel nothing/numb most often, followed by anxiety... & if there's any room left, it's substance induced (weed, alcohol, shrooms).

Sometimes I do have a content mood, though I'm not sure what's my contentment is contingent on. It happens when my basic needs are satisfied: no hunger, no thirst, no fatigue, no dirtiness; the room is properly ventilated, and I'm maintaining an efficient posture, and my desktop is cleaned.

I second this. If I have my basic needs met, then I'm more likely to reach a state of being content/satiated. Only deterrent: low mood/energy

 

[NeverSatisfied]

I would love to be happy one more time before I ctb, Then again, if I was happy one more time and stayed happy I might not want to ctb anymore lol.

In a weird way I'm kinda scared of happiness because of this. Happiness is fleeting, the only thing that is sure is death. And the happiness always escapes much faster and far longer than any other emotion. Happiness just isn't worth all the trouble anymore.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I can easily provide temporary happiness to myself by watching fun shows/movies and playing games but true happiness is probably forever out of my reach. I did get a small sample of it a few months ago so I guess there's that but now that that opportunity has passed I highly doubt I'll even get to taste it again.

 

[demuic]

I can only be happy temporarily, by indulging in things which distract me from this world. It isn't enough to make up for the fact that I cannot create any kind of purpose or meaning for myself.