I hold all people to the same standard, and will not say it's ok for a friend or family member to do something that I wouldn't say it's ok for anyone else to do.
I feel that this consistency puts some people off, because most people are inconsistent.
Same for me. I do good things for others to better my reputation and make others see me in a positive light. I do think other people do too, subconciously or not. Just my opinion.
I also wind up thinking people are always thinking that way too. It's why virtual signaling makes me so mad because no matter how good someone's intentions appears to be I can't help but thinking people only care about themselves and looking good by saying things they know people will affirm with them.
These comments all touch in some way on what I was thinking when I made the option of having a strong moral compass for others but not the self.
Virtue signaling is one example, telling others the ethical or right thing to do so that they will treat others or the signaler better, but the signaler does not walk the same talk, so it's not a compass for them but for everyone else. But that could as easily fall under flexible moral compass according to comfort and convenience, because it's more comfortable to go along to get along. Then when someone else doesn't open a door for others or do things for others, they have signaled negative virtue and others will get on their asses to conform. But I think it's not a true moral compass, because I'm discovering that a moral compass has to do with self-respect and therefore belong to oneself no matter what everyone else does.
Brené Brown said something in an interview that really resonated with me as a former scapegoat: if one does not belong in themselves, they don't belong anywhere. One can give up themselves to fit in. And it's human to want to be accepted and liked by their social groups because it ensures safety. It takes a lot of inner strength to be able to stand outside of the crowd because the crowd does not fit their moral compass. (Ooh, I just realized, virtue signalling is peer pressure for social compliance, but it's all surface, which requires minimal effort, it's not genuinely moral until one is walking their talk. Moral requires self-effort.)
Finally, there's the challenge of having a strong moral compass and holding others to a standard.
@BipolarGuy, what I'm writing here isn't directed at you, it reminded me of my own self, so my analysis here is based on personal experience.
Holding others to a standard can be a good thing. It sets a boundary of what's okay and what's not okay, but boundaries are always magnets for fighting and attempts to override them (a theif will jump over a fence because it protects something desireable but not on offer). If a boundary that guides moral conduct is right, people will often fight it, but I've learned that with patience and sticking to it, people are often eventually influenced by it because of having set a consistent example that demonstrates the value of the effort. It takes effort to override one's baser nature, or convenience, or comfort, and do the correct thing. The moral is easy to demand of others, but it's challenging when it comes to applying it to the self, and that's when the proof is in the pudding. We can direct others all day long, but can we direct ourselves?
For instance, I want people to respect my boundaries and not go through my things if they should somehow gain access to them when I'm not present, and not go snooping or take anything. The other day, the property I'm staying in was being shown, and my personal things were locked in a closet and I don't allow access, but the representative left unlocked the linen and supply closet. Ooh, inaccessible territory was now accessible with no one looking over my shoulder! I didn't even think about it, I immediately went in and started looking at things, and then noticing opportunities of things to scrounge that I might want to use, since everything was meant for guests, but not all the things had been made available to me. I'm sure if I'd asked for something I would have been told yes, but I was never shown there were options! And, ooh! There was a tray I really liked!
And then I caught myself.
I thought, damn, this space and these things weren't made available to me, I just crossed a boundary. I turned myself around, walked out, and locked the door. I want to be seen as trustworthy, and locking the door means I acted as trustworthy. It would have been easy to justify to myself to take the tray because the closet contained things for guests and I am a guest; it was harder and took effort to rein myself in as I would want others to do. To me, that was my moral compass in action; if it's not right for others to do, then nor is it right for me, and I can't demand effort from others if I don't make the effort myself.
