Do you have a diary?

[greenlight]

I was making some notes from time to time for around a year. And now I can see that the whole year was spent in sadness and pain and what I wrote a year ago is exactly how I am feeling now. Makes me think that waiting longer before suicide just means more sad days.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Yes. I've been pondering to collect them all in one bag and carry them with me to my station, however, I could do that only if I have no living relatives of ANY sort. I think I still have an uncle even if he's alive by strictly clinical terms.
He may be a scum of this earth, but I still don't want him to be considered involved in my leaving.

 

[weeks of the day]

Yeah, I've had one since the start of 2017. It's making it hard to CTB because I don't want anyone to read it, but I also still want to have it if I were to fail...

 

[Rachel74]

I have a fake one I fill out for my CPN x

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yes I started writing in it from the end of 2015 but haven´t written in it for months now I do vlogs instead

 

[Wayfaerer]

I tried to write out everything for years but it never works out. It only reinforces my despair and powerlessness. The prospect of suicide is the only thing that has given me any amount of power back.

 

[Sans]

I once kept one to vent in like January of this year, but then I forgot about it.

 

[Plankter]

I was making some notes from time to time for around a year. And now I can see that the whole year was spent in sadness and pain and what I wrote a year ago is exactly how I am feeling now. Makes me think that waiting longer before suicide just means more sad days.

I have been keeping the same sort of a diary for about 1.5 years and my situation is the same. There's nothing positive in that damn notebook. Though I should note that I tend to only write when I'm feeling exceptionally awful which kind of explains the imbalance. I don't know why I don't think about writing an entry when I'm feeling elevated which although rare happens from time to time

 

[Escargot Shorts]

my best friend kept journal obsessively. she'd almost always spend time in the evening before bed recounting her thoughts or feelings and anything about the day, asking me to contribute entries myself too if i was over. she did it because she said her memory was so bad, she had to keep visual and written records of everything, especially the little things in life. that sort of appreciation i think fueled the notion of gifting me with a journal as well, and asking for follow up to check if i was writing. turns out, i don't like keeping one for myself so much. my tendency to spiral into negative thoughts only worsened when committing it to paper. but i think nowadays i've find a better method -- i keep planners to keep track of my profession and personal and social lives, and it's been really good for that, at least on a more generalized level. i use it to keep stickers or tickets or little momentos from events and i like that it tells a broad story for the year of the planner. and then also i have notebooks where i write down ideas or recipes or doodle or shopping lists, whatever.

 

[Sharethepain]

I used to write a bit here and there but whenever I read it afterwards it made me see what a lunatic I am, so I don't write anymore, this madness is best kept inside my mind.

 

[Enabran255]

I used to write on livejournal regularly, but once facebook became popular, everyone I knew on there ditched it for that. Then the russians bought it out and it became a ghost town.

 

[Ratherbeskinny]

No, but when I was younger I would have one for a few days. I'd try to write my "life story" and after a few days I'd stop and start a new one lol.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Oh yes. I have three, three subject notebooks and one, one subject. And they're all full of sadness and pain. Dreams that will never come true. Hopes. But it all has to deal with my physical illness called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. I'd like someone to get them published after I die. No one knows anything about this disease and what it does to people because it's not taught in med school. I wind up teaching doctors about it! So I think it's extremely important to give a voice for all the people suffering from this disease. It's known as the mother painful condition in medical history since it's non stop chronic pain that surpasses the regular level of any kind of pain. It steals your life and is actually known as the suicide disease because there are no treatments or education or awareness about it. So no one gets helped and believe me there is no way anyone could spend their entire life living the way I do. My friend killed herself three years ago and she had crps too. Her mom published a book of inspirational quotes. I mean that's sweet but it doesn't tell people anything about this disease or what it does to you. I want to educate people.