Discussion Do you guys love anyone?

[MissNietzsche]

As pathetic as it is, I was rewatching one of my favorite animes, and the quote was: "You have no choice...If you have love in your life then you have to keep on living."

Falling in love for the first time in my life was what kept me from ctb'ing the first time. And when my recent ex boyfriend left, all I've been able to think about since was ctb'ing..but I also don't have love for any other human..I only love my cat.

What about you guys? Do you love anyone?

 

[TheStranger]

Sorry to hear about your ex.

I've always had trouble with unrequited love until my fiancé. Before her, being unlovable was my main reason for wanting to ctb. She's the only reason I'm alive now. I thought that if I had somebody who loved me back I would have a will to live, but it feels like a barrier. If it weren't for my will to keep her safe and happy I would have died by now. It feels like I have to choose between suffering through life to not hurt her or end myself and traumatize her.

I guess I will see whether the call of the void or love will win.

what anime was it?

 

[lizinha]

I'm currently in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way. I mean in the beginning he did, then it slowly faded away. It really does suck.

 

[Mort]

I did ones but in the end it did not work out not even as friends. But one thing she tort me was never ever going to fall in love with any one . In the end its best to be on my own for ever love is to dangerous makes you weak and vulnerable to harem

 

[almaranthine]

Still love my lost love. Not a day passes that I do not think about him. I hear his voice in my head, his laughter. Sometimes I catch a certain look in my eyes or facial expression that was characteristically his, reflected in me. Sometimes I'm laughing or I say something and I realize it isn't my laugh, or tone of voice, it's his. It's fucked up and pretty mental. I'm haunted and move through life knowing I will never feel what I felt ever again.

 

[BrokenHopes]

Yes my ex that I met last spring. After having been alone and in isolation and alot of suffering for 9-10 years I met her. Was doing alot of recovery work and really believed in life and that it could work at the time. Anyhow we met online and it was long distance. But we met several times and those are the happiest and most beautiful moments of my life. She made me feel like I was apart of the world again. Anyhow due to enormous stress and anxiety of trying to recover and struggling with so many things I fell into a deep depression a couple of months ago. My stupied ass at the moment thought it would be better if I ended the relationship because I wasnt ready for one and she would be better off, so I did. I regret it so much and wish I could go back but I cant and honestly I dont know if I could handle a relationship in the state Im in. I go over and over all the memories with her and sometimes it makes me smile but mostly it hurts. Im thankful I got to experience those times with her though, not everybody does. But it hurts so much knowing I will never get to experience it again.

 

[Sweet emotion]

No. I never have and I never will. I got physically sick with an awful pain disorder at 20. I'm 34 now. For those 14 years the pain was so intense I couldn't leave the house unless it was to go to the doctors or the hospital. Six surgeries needed. So I suppose love was just not in the cards for me. That's one thing that breaks my heart. That I will never know what love feels like. I could be watching a movie that has nothing to due with love but there just happens to be two people that love each other in it and I'll start to cry. I think everyone should know what love feels like. I envy the people that do. I'll be in pain for the rest of my life so there is no hope for love.

 

[almaranthine]

Yes my ex that I met last spring. After having been alone and in isolation and alot of suffering for 9-10 years I met her. Was doing alot of recovery work and really believed in life and that it could work at the time. Anyhow we met online and it was long distance. But we met several times and those are the happiest and most beautiful moments of my life. She made me feel like I was apart of the world again. Anyhow due to enormous stress and anxiety of trying to recover and struggling with so many things I fell into a deep depression a couple of months ago. My stupied ass at the moment thought it would be better if I ended the relationship because I wasnt ready for one and she would be better off, so I did. I regret it so much and wish I could go back but I cant and honestly I dont know if I could handle a relationship in the state Im in. I go over and over all the memories with her and sometimes it makes me smile but mostly it hurts. Im thankful I got to experience those times with her though, not everybody does. But it hurts so much knowing I will never get to experience it again.

Has she already moved on with somebody else? Do you think that if you worked on yourself and made moves toward recovery that you could approach her honestly? I'm only asking from the perspective of someone who has no hope of ever seeing the person I love, not because of who I am as a person (although that does factor in), but because of where he's gone. He moved to the Middle East about 2 years ago.

 

[oopswronglife]

I did...they died. I did...they cheated and abandoned me. I did...they died. Not the most inspiring track record.

 

[Taki]

Even when I did I still heard that voice, telling me I was doomed to kill myself, and seeing all the reasons why it was inevitable. A constant in my life.

 

[Moonicide]

I have a boyfriend of almost 3 years, but it's not working out too well. It's finally hit him I'm severely mentally ill and he told me he worries about the future. There's love there, but I know it's not sustainable. Even with all the love in the world, even if he stayed, I know I would ultimately end my life. I can't see myself getting married or having children. I can't see myself living a normal and simple life. That was never in the cards for me.

The worst part is there's someone else that has had feelings for me for a while, as do I. But we never pursued it due to the circumstances we're in. I've had opportunities to be with other people, but I always came back to my boyfriend. Because in the end he's the one that has truly been in my heart. Even when he doesn't understand me, my struggles, or my mental illness. My heart is with him... I'm just in a very difficult situation now as I prepare to ctb because the person that has feelings for me offered me a way out of my abusive situation. Told me he'd gladly come and get me, that he'd help me start over... It's very tempting, but I just can't. I can't keep living like this. I can't keep ignoring reality. I'm going to break his heart so badly. He has already lost someone dearly in his life... I'm going to fuck him up even more by leaving... As well as my boyfriend. Why does this have to be so hard?

 

[almaranthine]

I did...they died. I did...they cheated and abandoned me. I did...they died. Not the most inspiring track record.

Fuck.

 

[Lotus1818]

Sorry to hear about your ex.

I've always had trouble with unrequited love until my fiancé. Before her, being unlovable was my main reason for wanting to ctb. She's the only reason I'm alive now. I thought that if I had somebody who loved me back I would have a will to live, but it feels like a barrier. If it weren't for my will to keep her safe and happy I would have died by now. It feels like I have to choose between suffering through life to not hurt her or end myself and traumatize her.

I guess I will see whether the call of the void or love will win.

what anime was it?

I feel the same way. I have to keep on living for my fiance as well. I atleast wanna marry her in April. So that she will get my house before I ctb

 

[BrokenHopes]

Has she already moved on with somebody else? Do you think that if you worked on yourself and made moves toward recovery that you could approach her honestly? I'm only asking from the perspective of someone who has no hope of ever seeing the person I love, not because of who I am as a person (although that does factor in), but because of where he's gone. He moved to the Middle East about 2 years ago.

Im sorry that the person you love has moved to the middle east and that you dont have any hopes of seeing him again. Thank you for the consideration. I dont know if she has moved on with somebody else. I tried writing her a few weeks ago but she doesnt want any contact, she thinks it is too early. I'm thinking about writing her some things I want her to know and then she can decide if she wants to read it or not. I still think I might be to messed up and broken for a relationship though, maybe wouldnt be fair to her. Also its long distance. I dont know if I can work towards my recovery once again. I have tried many times and this time it seems like something has died inside of me. My hope for a better future is gone and Im beyond tired. I also dont have anything you are supposed to have at my age, education, work, drivers license. And my brain is not functioning as it should and dont know how to be around people anymore. Im just in a very bad state. Too much have happend for too long of a time.

 

[Final Escape]

Yes I love me, myself, and I lol!

 

[kkatt]

I love my parents and my kids. In different ways but I still feel lucky to have that.
I loved my last partner but I sometimes wonder if that is because he died and if i wouldn't have come to despise him given longer together.

 

[noctiva]

I love my partner more than anything. He is my world and I refuse to live in a world without him.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I love my ex too much...that love will be the death of me.

 

[SoupSnakes]

I love my dog.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I love my parents, my grandma and my cat.

 

[Arvind]

i had one and even our marriage was fixed. but due to my health problem opted out of it.

 

[Santiago]

My cats that passed away 2 years ago were my best buddies and they will have the number 1 spot in my heart forever.

 

[BlueWidow]

No one currently alive. I suppose I love my sister-in-law in a way. I feel bad that she'll probably be hurt and upset by my death, but ( as I've written in many threads on here) she won't accept that I am really sick and can't go out with her and run around all the time. She's very kind and very generous and I hate that she's going to be hurt. I'm going to post signs for her to call the police instead of coming into my house, but whether she'll follow them -- I can't say. I hope she doesn't find my body, but all I can do is warn her. I have fond feelings for a couple of my husband's granddaughters, but I don't know if it's love exactly. I think everyone I truly love is dead- my mom, my sister Glenda, and mostly my husband. There's no one I've ever loved as much as I love my husband. I feel the pain of his absence every second.

 

[LonelyLight]

Yes, I do love someone

 

[Woodnote]

I love my dogs if they count.

 

[orangemushroom]

Yes, I love my boyfriend with all my heart. If it weren't for him I'd either be dead or in a psychic ward already.

 

[sadgirl2002]

Yes, I love him with all of my heart and soul. I only backed out of suicide for his sake and the only reason I've kept going on in life since then is because of him... that small hope that's in my heart that we will be together one day.

 

[FaceToFloor]

Well I do love my parents, as parents. Aside from that, no. I do feel capable of loving and think about it all the time, in my pleasant fantasies. And by pleasant I don't mean sexual, but heartwarmingly romantic. I keep hoping to truly feel that one day, but so far no luck.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

Honestly, I don't know whether I love anyone anymore.

 

[deflagrat]

I would love to, but my brain wasn't meant to work. I can't feel emotions, and that means being in love is imposible. It doesn't matter what I want, there is no way to fix this problem. It has a few advantages: I never feel angry, or sad. But I also lost one of the things that matters most in this world. This also means my ability to enjoy life is reduced. This is what it means being mentally ill.