Throughout the years at college is when my suicidal thoughts changed from semi-serious to serious. Second year I attempted and failed, then I got depressed and made a mistake that I regret so much that has driven me to absolute hopelessness. I gained a ton of weight after that second year of college and got up to 240 pounds, destroying my skin. I have now lost the weight and sit at 145 but am covered with hideous scars and droopy body parts. I graduated this year with zero job opportunities, imagine putting myself through 5 years of self isolation torture just to reach this conclusion... I have battled with my weight my whole life and tried many times but failed to get to a skinny weight, well I have now gotten to that weight but rather than having any sense of accomplishment, each time I look in the mirror I find it hard not to break a tear. This life long goal coming true to a conclusion that I will never be attractive and I will die alone. There are too many things I know nothing of and will never know from life because of my weight. I just wish this was a nightmare that I could wake up from. I've never really imagined myself becoming one of those irrideamable freaks, but here I am...