Discussion Do you guys get periods where like your not specifically overjoyed or 'happy' but the thought of suicide isnt in your mind?

[MiMif]

Like ive been having constant negative thoughts for like 2 months straight now but today even though it was still that way in the morning when I got home before I would've been automatically thinking of ctb at that very moment but I had no thoughts. It wasn't specifically in a sad way I just wasn't thinking of anything. I felt....maybe normal. This happens sometimes...like if I were offered death at this moment I would still take it....but it isn't on my mind yknow?

Anyone else get like this sometimes?

 

[Kempel556]

To me it happens when I buy something I like because it distracts me a little bit, but it only lasts for a couple of hours

 

[vitbar]

My depression is episodic and the ideation dies down a lot in the gaps between episodes. Also I can become quite engrossed in hobbies and don't think of it then.

 

[QueenOfSpades]

When I watch and feed the ducks at our local pond I'm so at peace. Love those animals.

 

[sylvey]

Like ive been having constant negative thoughts for like 2 months straight now but today even though it was still that way in the morning when I got home before I would've been automatically thinking of ctb at that very moment but I had no thoughts. It wasn't specifically in a sad way I just wasn't thinking of anything. I felt....maybe normal. This happens sometimes...like if I were offered death at this moment I would still take it....but it isn't on my mind yknow?

Anyone else get like this sometimes?

I am generally not a very emotional person, at least not outwardly or when in certain company, but sometimes I enjoy very small things. (My little furry demon dog, milo, for example.) I am not constatnly thinking about the next opportunity to end it all, and sometimes I would go weeks without wondering why I am still alive. At the moments when my dad feels the need to assert his already non-existent dominance and tries to instill fear in me, though, I wonder why I am still here, if not to watch him die his slow, nicotine-induced death before following in kind.

 

[MiMif]

I am generally not a very emotional person, at least not outwardly or when in certain company, but sometimes I enjoy very small things. (My little furry demon dog, milo, for example.) I am not constatnly thinking about the next opportunity to end it all, and sometimes I would go weeks without wondering why I am still alive. At the moments when my dad feels the need to assert his already non-existent dominance and tries to instill fear in me, though, I wonder why I am still here, if not to watch him die his slow, nicotine-induced death before following in kind.

I also don't really show my emotions outwardly...that's mostly due to the fact that whenever I cried as a teenager my dad told me to "shut up and stop the fake tears because they are crocodile tears and I'm trying to manipulate him"

Lol yeah so I don't cry infront of people. I mostly have a resting bitch face but when I talk with friends I put on a mask and pretend to be into the conversation. That mask only slips when I'm alone in my room

 

[Unwr!tten]

I get like this occasionally or I try to reason with myself but the weird thing is that it's the part of me that wants to CTB that's usually more rational sounding and my SI just sounds pathetic and weak.

 

[sylvey]

I also don't really show my emotions outwardly...that's mostly due to the fact that whenever I cried as a teenager my dad told me to "shut up and stop the fake tears because they are crocodile tears and I'm trying to manipulate him"

Lol yeah so I don't cry infront of people. I mostly have a resting bitch face but when I talk with friends I put on a mask and pretend to be into the conversation. That mask only slips when I'm alone in my room

What does a resting bitch face entail, again? My face is generally just blank when I'm not talking to anyone, and some people ask me why I look upset out of nowhere. Pretty confusing, I don't think I look upset.

I mean, I am, but I digress.

My dad's general bullshit cycle is:
Me, not acting like an adult.
Him: "Act like an adult."
Me: "OK," and I act like an adult.
Him: "Stop trying to act like an adult. If you want to act like one then you can be put through a wall like one!"
Me: stops acting like an adult.
Him: "Act like an adult."

Rinse and repeat, that's why I constantly said "Ya want some complications with your childcare?" when I was younger.

 

[MiMif]

What does a resting bitch face entail, again? My face is generally just blank when I'm not talking to anyone, and some people ask me why I look upset out of nowhere. Pretty confusing, I don't think I look upset.

I mean, I am, but I digress.

My dad's general bullshit cycle is:
Me, not acting like an adult.
Him: "Act like an adult."
Me: "OK," and I act like an adult.
Him: "Stop trying to act like an adult. If you want to act like one then you can be put through a wall like one!"
Me: stops acting like an adult.
Him: "Act like an adult."

Rinse and repeat, that's why I constantly said "Ya want some complications with your childcare?" when I was younger.

You probably have a resting bitch face lol. Its like when your natural face looks kinda cold and standoffish. Like when you zone out that's what your face looks like.

Also lol that's basically my dad too...

 

[sylvey]

You probably have a resting bitch face lol. Its like when your natural face looks kinda cold and standoffish. Like when you zone out that's what your face looks like.

Also lol that's basically my dad too...

My best friend told me a few days ago that I'm cross-eyed when I zone out. I smacked her.

By the by, mind helping me with my profile? If it isn't obvious, I don't use electronics all that much. Also dumb as hell, so yeah. Gotta love server errors.

 

[MiMif]

My best friend told me a few days ago that I'm cross-eyed when I zone out. I smacked her.

By the by, mind helping me with my profile? If it isn't obvious, I don't use electronics all that much. Also dumb as hell, so yeah. Gotta love server errors.

I mean sure. If you want to get a profile picture...I'm on my phone not sure if it's the same on a computer. But their are like 3 lines at the top left corner press them then press your profile/name then go to your account and scroll down and it will give you an option to get a profile picture just pick a picture from your files

 

[TheDog_]

before I became sick yes. I would have moments that I didn't want to die though I have always been depressed. now that I'm sick I always want to die. I wake up wanting to die and go to sleep wishing I die. I cannot escape this body the way I could escape the things that used to depress me before.

 

[sylvey]

I mean sure. If you want to get a profile picture...I'm on my phone not sure if it's the same on a computer. But their are like 3 lines at the top left corner press them then press your profile/name then go to your account and scroll down and it will give you an option to get a profile picture just pick a picture from your files

Yeah, server error every time. And I can't change my name. Or banner. Just my color.

 

[MiMif]

Yeah, server error every time. And I can't change my name. Or banner. Just my color.

Server error??? Do you have good internet? I'm not sure what the problem is I was able to do it fine.
I just pressed the 3 bars then went to my name and scrolled down I was able to change everything there.

Maybe try on a different device

 

[ApostleOfPain]

I get very long periods of being suicidal interrupted by very brief (2-3 weeks max) periods of when I'm not. Still depressed tho

 

[sylvey]

Server error??? Do you have good internet? I'm not sure what the problem is I was able to do it fine.
I just pressed the 3 bars then went to my name and scrolled down I was able to change everything there.

Maybe try on a different device

Yeah, I'll walk to my friends house when I walk my dog and try it on her phone.

And yes, only the shittiest of wifi over here, I love lag.

 

[R_N]

I think I only attempted when I felt cornered or heartbroken.

I wish I could come to peace with my death next time and hopefully do it before waiting for more severe shit to happen.

I am not sure if I can convince my brain tho. But even if that happens it is fine. I understand the situation and my human body.

 

[MiMif]

Yeah, I'll walk to my friends house when I walk my dog and try it on her phone.

And yes, only the shittiest of wifi over here, I love lag.

On your friends phone....does she know that your suicidal...if not not sure that's the best idea :/ tho do what you want.

You could just try taking your friends wifi or going to a public library