Do You Feel Sorry for Your Parents?

[Celerity]

About your potential suicide? About their lives? Anything?

My dad has lived a very sad, miserable life. His childhood was hell. He was physically abused and degraded. It's a wonder to me that he ended up remotely functional. After learning more about his life as a young child, a lot of his more terrible behavior toward me and my brother made sense. It doesn't excuse what he did, but it provides a ton of context.

As close as I am to my mother now, my dad was the parent I bonded with most and the one I am most like. When I have looked at old pictures of him, I am immediately saddened. You can practically watch as the liveliness evaporates from his eyes as he grows older and life weighs him down. He was a beautiful baby. Perfect facial features. Blonde and blue-eyed. Good proportions. He was incredibly smart and could have done a lot more with his life. Good heart. Would give the shirt off his back for you.

I always wonder how life could have been like for him if it hadn't been so cruel. You can see some of the hope and potential in old pictures when he was a young child.

He was born in 1950. Nice round year. It's basically where modern time begins for me. Whenever I see movies set in the 50s or read about historical events around that time, I think of him. Things were so different then and also very much the same. The struggle for life was as present then during the "happy days" as it is now.

Christine Chubbuck, in my profile pic, was 6 years older than my dad. Barry Kidston, who died from a cocaine overdose after being paralyzed by a bad batch of opioids he synthesized at home, was 3-4 years younger.

They were his contemporaries. At one time, their parents had the same hopes and dreams. My dad had brushes with self-destructive behavior and suicide but had 2 children and is still alive today. I don't know who is better off ultimately. He is happy enough in his senility now. My suicide would definitely change that. I am his favorite child.

So do you feel sorry for your parents? Why or why not?

 

[nolongerhuman]

I feel sorry enough for my father to have lived as long as I have. His childhood was crap and he has most of the same mental health problems that I do. I appear to be one of the few joys in his life. We live together and he has supported me in just about every way imaginable. I have severe paranoia and think that everyone secretly hates me all of the time but he is the one person that I am sure is never angry with me and when he says 'I love you' I actually believe him.

With my mother, it is more complicated. She has clearly put a large amount of her identity into being a "good mother". If one of her kids kills themselves, she won't be able to take credit for my accomplishments anymore and I imagine she will be very upset about that. She will certainly say that she is sad that I as a person am gone but I doubt that since she seems to have had nothing but contempt for my opinions, interests, desires, and personality for quite some time. I almost pity her, I do not think she is capable of being better than she currently is and she does not seem to be a very happy woman. But the resentment is still there and I'm not going to keep living just for her sake.

 

[TooConscious]

I realized in recent years my father mostly has been the worst detriment to my emotions, very manipulative. It's horrible we are wired to love those who hate us. As I always state this life is sick but people like him and my mother are the perpetrators of its continuation.

 

[ClownMe]

Nope. they brought me into this mess and then just didnt care about me and still dont care about me.

 

[mossball]

Even though my father had a huge hand in making me this fucked up, I don't think I want him to suffer anymore. He's not equipped to deal with his feelings at all and I think he's just lost and confused. So I do feel bad about him.

My mother is a different story. I think all she did she either did with malice or for herself. Even now she's already acting like the victim because I went to the psych hospital. So I don't want to feel bad about any grief I may cause her, though I feel she'd be more concerned about her image than my loss. Which is expected.

 

[Insomniac]

I was basically a sacrifice they made to relieve themselves from their own agony.

Passed down their pain to me, so they can experience relief. Expect me to be their retirement fund/insurance, but won't admit it.

Surprised that I'm not grateful to them and think I'm dumb enough to believe that they love me unconditionally.

I resent them.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I feel so bad for them and my siblings. However I can't live for others anymore. I'm way past my expiration date. However it's greedy of them to think the gamble of procreation all chances and odds all their children would live a quality valuable life, not in this screwed up toxic world

 

[QueenShrike]

I feel sorry for my mother because she's tried her best and has done a lot for me, and that has been a big mental hurdle to get over, however I can't just keep living for her, so it doesn't affect me too much.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Despite all the bad/wrong my father did l actually really miss him,but l can never go back because my parents are too blind to see the Traitor in their midst and most likely never will! To be honest l don't even know if either of them is still alive and that is just So Painful!!! I'd give my last drop of blood to be able to Hug my dad just once!

 

[Largeletters]

I wish I could have been a better child for my parents. I feel my behavior was not normal in childhood and I wish it could have been. I will feel sorry for them when I CTB, as they didn't not want nor expect that to be my end.

 

[motel rooms]

"To understand everything is to forgive everything."

"Perhaps everything terrible is, in its deepest being, something that needs our love."

"He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me. Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred."

I understand, but I still can't understand. I can't forgive my father. He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me. Those thoughts will always be in my head, I will never get rid of my hatred.

 

[FuneralCry]

I generally have a good relationship with them, and I know they will be sad when I ctb, but it would never hold me back, I would never suffer for the sake of other people. I never asked to be born in the first place so I have no obligations to stay alive.

 

[CFLoser]

Yes, if I had a kid like myself I would be emotionally devastated for raising such a faggot.

 

[Scribble Fan]

No, they don't really care about me so I don't care about them.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I only barely feel sorry for my father due to his circumstances growing up but not enough to no longer take joy in any amount of suffering and misery he goes through. Whenever I catch myself acting in similar ways to him it causes me to feel a little sorry for him but also way more angry at myself so hopefully that cancels it out enough.

My mother on the other hand I definitely feel sorry for. For starters she married my dad and couldn't get out of it for a while. That said, it's not enough to make me not want to CTB though so I don't really care that much.

 

[LastFlowers]

Fuck no, not in regards to their relationship to me and how they've treated me, not to mention the basal act of selfishly rolling the dice on a human life, leaving me to be the true loser in that situation.
Some issues they have I may be able to cognitively empathize with and recognize, but when they make it a point to be hypocrites and show me not an ounce of understanding or compassion in return, it makes it very difficult to feel any kind of sorry for them.

And damn, hate to be blunt, but if they had "perfect facial features" and all the stuff you listed for your own father, all the gifts and potential, I would honestly feel even LESS sorry for them, especially considering my life was basically destroyed from being born with the total opposite, and then having those things (or lack thereof) compounded as time passed.
I don't value a person that way, but society sure does.

 

[Ramirez]

I feel sorry for my parents that they were dumb or broke enough at the time to fuck without using a condom

 

[Celerity]

"To understand everything is to forgive everything."

"Perhaps everything terrible is, in its deepest being, something that needs our love."

"He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me. Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred."

I understand, but I still can't understand. I can't forgive my father. He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me. Those thoughts will always be in my head, I will never get rid of my hatred.

I can't pretend to relate with what you went through, but yeah, there's no excuse for what he did. I'm sorry.

 

[Seiba]

Not really, personally my issues weren't responded to that well and I had to deal with fallacies of people in africa have it worse and being called selfish for my first attempt. I was signed up for therapy with a six month waiting list for it to be cancelled with my mother claiming it was likely just teenage hormones. I basically just failed when I was sixteen then went back to thinking about suicide three days or so after an attempt. Being twenty one now I'd say the prospect of hurting my family means little, from my perspective if they get to be eighty year olds with weak veins crying that their entire lives were ruined they have no one but themselves to blame since you can just leave life if it bothers you to that degree.

 

[Ballehert]

I feel indifferent. At least i can finally end this curse...

 

[xkonstantinexx]

Growing up was tough for me. My father made sure of that and my mother, who watched everything did absolutely nothing. I hated them for many years but as I grew older, I chose to forgive and forget. But...

It's complicated because it was only recently that I discovered that my upbringing was the root cause so it's a rollercoaster of emotions for me right now. There are times when I choose to forgive and there are times when I hate them.