Do you feel observed when you are writing in this forum?

[noname223]

Maybe for some people this forum is like a daily soap. Though I don't think the number is that high. But the internet is fully of maniacs. Some people have contacted me and wrote me that they like to read my threads. I received a lot of support. Things like they are rooting for me so that I can avoid having to kill myself.
I ask myself if people are watching or spying on me. Though there are so many members why should they choose me? I am very fragile if someone wants to dox me the person might kill me. It could trigger a psychosis and I am kind of scared about that.

There are probably some people who follow my activity. What do they see? An unstable and desperate survivor of child abuse. Though maybe the term "survivor" won't be that fitting in some months or years.

I also ask myself what the people are thinking about me. Do they consider me as smart, not fully sane or a loser? Yeah the term loser is probably not helpful in a forum full of people with nightmarish lives. We should not treat us in this hurtful way. It is hard for me because my expectations of me are so high.

 

[indica]

sometimes. not always. not usually. i like your threads.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Nope. I know I'm just a fleeting anon here.

It enables me to overshare sometimes without regret.

 

[user_name_here]

I think law enforcement are monitoring this forum heavily. It puts me off because I do genuinely get comfort from reading some people's posts (non suicide related) but in the eyes of the police, they think everyone on this site is a criminal and a potential danger to the public which is so silly and harmful.

Most of us are here because we hate ourselves or our lives.

Hell, even just writing this has added me to their list.

 

[Doombox]

I think this place is wholesome, which is weird, I know. But it's a place where lost causes can find community. Few of us if any are a danger to others or society. Most people here tend to bend over backwards being supportive or at least neutral, and mods step in if a situation gets out of hand. This is one of the least crazy places on the 'net because there's so much honesty.

 

[CTBgenuine]

Nope. I know I'm just a fleeting anon here.

It enables me to overshare sometimes without regret.

I relate... Except I think I'm disliked but I don't care

 

[FuneralCry]

No, not at all. And I do not understand how this forum could be like a daily soap. It is just people posting about suicide. There is nothing really shocking about this, it is not surprising that so many people want to die in a world where there is so much suffering.

 

[Nolan96]

It can be a bit paranoia-inducing. The authorities and activist groups, the voyeurists looking for their daily fix, the unhinged users who might develop obsessive grudges with one another.

You're one of the users whose threads I'm more likely to click on because it's usually something thoughtful and easy for me to respond to. I guess it can be a bit soap opera-ish keeping up with the state of another user who goes into such detail. But I always wish you the best. I think some of the fear around being observed dissipates when the user looking at your stuff respectfully interacts with you like a person and isn't creepy about it.

 

[VirtualSnow]

It's safe to assume that there are lurkers.

And I do not understand how this forum could be like a daily soap.

People can get entertained over anything, I guess.

 

[indica]

Nope. I know I'm just a fleeting anon here.

It enables me to overshare sometimes without regret.

would you feel different if your profile was public?

 

[Pubert]

Sometimes talking here is a lot better than irl. People here can be a lot more understanding because we are all going through semi-similar situations

 

[W’ren]

I can understand why you might feel seen or observed when posting your own thread- i feel the same to an extent.

In a way though, posting here is to be seen, by those who understand or can relate to your feelings even if they/we haven't been through the exact same lives or have the same traumas. When i say posting here is to be seen, i don't mean as in for attention seeking, though there might be a bit of that- i mean to be recognized by others who are really suffering, as a kindred soul.

To me you seem very genuine and very real. I can't say i've read many of your posts as i have only been back here for a few days following the passing of my beloved dog March 24th, i went into a downwards spin where expressing myself even here was too much-

I would never call you the L word… I think you are very brave every day with what you have been through and faced, and what you must go through each day to get by-

Anyway, i just wanted to say that.

Take care.

 

[Lost Magic]

In all honesty, if they are watching and observing then they are doing it to exploit vulnerable people. That New York Times article was a pure hit piece. That's on them. We know better. And if they want to change our lives then give us the things that we lack. If they can't do that, then they can fuck right off. And that's putting it mildly.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Take a good, long look at my dumb posts prolifers. If you're dedicated enough to want to dox me you'd have to decode the ciphers hidden within all 17,000+ posts of mine including deleted and forum game ones.

Though I doubt anyone actually cares enough to go for that.

 

[Weebster]

Why isn't this site fucking private ffs?!?!111

Take a good, long look at my dumb posts prolifers. If you're dedicated enough to want to dox me you'd have to decode the ciphers hidden within all 17,000+ posts of mine including deleted and forum game ones.

Though I doubt anyone actually cares enough to go for that.

Whoa. That's a lot of posts.

 

[NumbItAll]

I'm not important enough for anyone to care about. I'm also not doing anything wrong by posting here. I also don't care who reads this unless it's someone I know irl.

 

[GentleJerk]

Yeah I'm being watched but because of other shit, not because I'm part of this forum.

 

[Dead Ghost]

Where I live, the posts I have posted on this forum are perfectly supported by free speech. Maybe they are watching this website but I don't care much that they do it in my person because there is nothing to say here that can be misinterpreted or decontextualized with the intention of putting me before the law.

Obviously it would make me really sick to break my anonymity and my messages would be available to everyone because everything is very personal, but if they stay within the investigations of the security forces I do not worry because I have not done anything punishable neither ethically or morally reprehensible (ethics is what you think and morality is what you do, right? now I'm making a good mess of it).

Spoiler: Original Text

On jo visc, els missatges que he públicat en aquest fòrum estàn perfectament avalats per la llibertat d'expressió. Potser vigilen aquest web però no em preocupa gaire que ho facin en la meva persona perquè no hi ha rés que digui aquí que pugui ser malinterpretat o descontextualitzat amb la intenció de posar-me davant la llei.

Evidentment em posaría malalt de debó que és trenqués el meu anonimat i els meus missatges fossin a l'abast de tothom doncs tot és molt personal, però si es queden dins les investigacions de les forces de seguretat no em preocupa perquè no he fet rés punible ni reprobable èticament o moralment (ètica és el que penses i moral és el que fas, no? ara m'estic fent un bon embolic).

 

[hungry_ghost]

would you feel different if your profile was public?

It is public, isn't it? I don't really have anything on there that identifies me as me.

Unless you mean public as in "broadcasted to the world"?

 

[Hirokami]

I'm no one important; I doubt anyone would care enough to cyberstalk me. Even so, I couldn't care less. If they want to read the monologues of depressed anon #3828, they can go right ahead.

 

[indica]

It is public, isn't it? I don't really have anything on there that identifies me as me.

when i click on your name it says, "this member limits who may view their full profile." upon further investigation, i think a private profile might be the default setting on sanctioned suicide.

 

[Bombastus]

Absolutely, I'm somewhat convinced they're already hacked my pc. I've literally never been asked for my IP address to sign up to anything before this forum.

but all they'll see is me playing DayZ and watching documentaries