Discussion Do you feel like you ever truly lived at all?

[Circles]

For me there has only been a few times in my life where I felt like I truly 'lived'. What about you, what was it like if you've experienced it, and how do you feel about it?

 

[motel rooms]

There are hours in the day when I feel truly alive. There are always truly unbearable hours as well, though. I feel pretty horrible right now. I wish I could sleep without having nightmares, but that's something I can only dream about. In fact, I can't even dream about it because I can't sleep without having nightmares. Oh well... I'll feel alive when hubby wakes up.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/proxy.php?image=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia3.giphy.com%2Fmedia%2F11sz4838afILLi%2F200.gif&hash=e2c15015c5ae2a2eed860fb3d87778d3

 

[ShatteredSoul]

Apart from some adventurous sexual activities and gigs,no. I see most of my life as repeated traumas and mistakes and that cycle hasn't even ended yet.

 

[Krieger]

I feel like I'm just existing rather than actually living. I feel like a robot...

 

[gottablast888]

i have definitely lived and i have also been traumatized numerous times. my life experince was very polarizing, but i wouldnt take it back knowing how mundane most peoples lives are. if i die tomorrow im happy, i have lived enough

 

[sadanon3]

For me there has only been a few times in my life where I felt like I truly 'lived'. What about you, what was it like if you've experienced it, and how do you feel about it?

Yeah. I know it's possible which makes me feel even worse.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

I've experienced euphoric highs and traumatic events all the same, but most of it in between has been boredom and isolation. I've had a usual middle class life, but I've accomplished nothing notable, nor even the bare minimum. I don't have a single "average" milestone behind me. The only thing I've experienced is a love that can't ever be reciprocated, and a deep bond with someone who stopped bothering to respond to anything eventually while claiming he cared and loved me like a sister. I don't regret our time spent together, though.

Can't say I've ever truly "lived" rather than existed, and I don't care for the possibility much anymore. Everything is impermanent, after all, and those pleasures were momentary distractions. Most of my life has been one mind numbing blur; I'm never truly alive.

 

[WhiteGown]

I had a year or so where I felt relatively happy and life opened up for me, everything felt very different then

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Not really. There was always a lot I didn't do. I had moments of happiness but they were always temporary and ephemeral.

 

[ClownMe]

When I look back on my life, ive never really felt "alive", and I definetly don't feel "alive" now.

 

[Divine Trinity]

Once, maybe twice. My life was gradually improving, then the pandemic wiped away all my effort. I'm in a worse place now than I was a few years ago.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I just believe that I have existed. I have not really done much in my life, my life has just been spent not wanting to be here. I do not know what it would be like to truly live. All that I do is just pass the time until I fall asleep and it is the same every day. I have never really wanted to be alive.

 

[toxictunes]

yes 2013 was the best year of my life. It's sad i wont be able to feel this happiness ever again. Sometimes i wish i never experienced a perfect life maybe it wouldn't be so hard for me now.. most of the time im glad for this memories, it feels like memories of a completely different existence. Man i loved my life in 2012-2013 i really did

 

[Superdeterminist]

No. I felt like I was always working for something but it never came. I had maybe a handful of enjoyable moments that lasted a few seconds during some interactions with people. The rest was just spent being unhappy or at best neutral. But these days it's never neutral, always unhappy. I'm idle for so much of my time now because I can't summon the motivation for anything and I haven't got many clear options. It feels like a nightmare.

 

[Nanako]

I'm always focusing on the possibility that things will go wrong in my life, and as a result I never feel like I'm doing anything meaningful; I'm hyper-aware, at all times, of the fact that it's all just an illusion. All you need is one moment of extremely bad luck for your life to get turned upside down... And no amount of money, faith or self care can change that.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I had an interesting/dynamic life up until age 30. When I got sick at that time I put everything adventurous on hold, indefinitely. I've done fuck all the past 8 years. I'm pretty sure I won't even need to ctb with my level of inactivity at this point. Heart disease or cancer seems quite likely to me.