I have found this place of enormous comfort. I have with but one notable exception, found everyone here to be amazingly sympathetic, supportive, loving and without judgement. It is the safest place I have found to reveal myself and all that troubles me. I've laid bare the ugliest truths about me here in a way I've found utterly impossible anywhere else. I've even called this a sacred space. And I mean that. That said, I have to say that this place can have something of an ominous feeling to it. Hard to describe what I'm trying to say, actually. But it can sometime fill me with, or simply add to, a kind of darkness. This is because this site makes what I'm contemplating so very real, so much more than private, abstract musings about maybe one day killing myself. I mean we get very specific (and helpful) feedback about methods that might work best for us given our specific circumstances and needs, and we've certainly had to post our goodbyes to those we'd come to care about because they the finally acted on their desire to end their suffering through chosen death. In other words, this shit it real! And that can sometimes weigh heavily. I suppose that's healthy though. What I am contemplating is the most serious question I've ever had to wrestle with. There are complicated issues for me about the impact of my death on my little girl, my elderly mother, and others I will leave behind. And some of the threads here have really helped me confront those difficult questions I'd often rather not think about. I've gotten very practical advice about how I might arrange my death to look accidental so as to spare my daughter the additional trauma and complex grief of losing her father to suicide as well as how to find a way to leave behind (in the form of a journal) messages to my daughter that I hope would help her process her grief (entries that expressed how much I loved her, how much joy she brought to me, etc.) without giving it away that my death was suicide. In short, this place is like no other I have found anywhere. I am grateful to be able to be free to share my experiences and feelings as well as to listen and learn from those who share their own.