Discussion Do you ever think that you're falling back into a bad depressive spiral?

[rabbit_feet]

About a year ago, I moved out of my parent's house and into a student living place closer to my school so I could start college. I have 3 roommates. At first, everything was great. My roommates and I hung out all the time, and I was so relieved to finally be out of my parents house because of how much duress and trauma I've experienced at their hand. Yeah, I'm still glad that I'm away from them, but lately I've been feeling..... numb, I think is the best way to put it.
I have a therapist that I see every 2 weeks. Quite frankly, I do not know how to talk to her anymore because I feel like whatever it is that I'm experiencing is either (a). not a big deal, (b). something I can handle on my own, or (c). some combination of the two. Except lately, I've been feeling just so awful mentally. Every single little thing gets under my skin in just the wrong way and everyday I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to a breaking point and I'm worried it's gonna result in a very unhealthy, unproductive, and possibly dangerous spiral.
I don't really know what to do. I don't know how to bring this up with my therapist. I know that seeing a professional is supposed to be a safe space free of judgement, but man, I really feel like she's gonna be disappointed in me for not bringing it up sooner, or for just falling back into this slump in general. I've been debating quitting therapy. I don't really think its helping me at this point but I'm also worried that quitting therapy might be just the thing I need to end up spiraling.
Anyone else ever struggle with this?

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

Either tell her the truth - delaying it further would only worsen your problems or find a new therapist. I recommend telling her the truth over finding a new therapist.

I feel like I'm going down a downward spiral - I've become less empathetic and quite frankly I feel inhuman. It's certainly a struggle but I'm probably going down a darker path which will involve me catching the bus.

Feeling numb after stress is quite normal at least for me.

I hope you can start feeling better soon.

 

[rabbit_feet]

I feel like I'm going down a downward spiral - I've become less empathetic and quite frankly I feel inhuman. It's certainly a struggle but I'm probably going down a darker path which will involve me catching the bus.

I'm so sorry you're struggling like this. Hopefully you are able to recover and keep going, but ultimately if you decide to CTB I support you and hope you are able to find peace.

I wish I knew what words to use to tell her about how I'm feeling but part of the reason why I haven't yet is because I just don't entirely know how to even describe it. I also have a problem of having an issue, wanting to talk about it during session, and then forgetting about it until after I'm out of the therapy session but that's less of the issue.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I'm so sorry you're struggling like this. Hopefully you are able to recover and keep going, but ultimately if you decide to CTB I support you and hope you are able to find peace.

I wish I knew what words to use to tell her about how I'm feeling but part of the reason why I haven't yet is because I just don't entirely know how to even describe it. I also have a problem of having an issue, wanting to talk about it during session, and then forgetting about it until after I'm out of the therapy session but that's less of the issue.

I used to write down what I wanted to say before my sessions too. I learnt to write simple notes like this;

- Feeling Mechanical
- Feeling like I'm on Spectator Mode
- Not controlling my own words
- Feeling like I'm on auto-pilot
etc

Thank you for your kind words, I hope you're able to find peace in whichever decision you choose to take too.