Do you ever think of those left behind?

[Acopia]

I've been here on & off for years.
I suppose the main thing that prevents me from jumping on my bus is the thought that someone will have to find my body.
Even if I leave a note on the door saying "do not come in, phone the police", I feel like human instinct would cause them to come in, and despite my suffering, I do I love my loved ones - I am very lucky that I do have some people around me.

Please tell me I'm not alone in my doubts, has anyone thought of a way to overcome this? Ensure that it's not your lived ones who find you? Or a random stranger who may be scarred permanently. I don't want my demise to negatively affect others more than it has to.

Peace & Love,
-Acopia

 

[YEAR2050]

It's very understandable u feel that way. I don't care about my parents or siblings, but I have 2 nieces that I genuinely love, and the thought of their mother having to explain why uncle can't play anymore destroys me

 

[Ambivalent1]

I don't care about those Left Behind. They will feel God's wrath during the 7 yr tribulation.

 

[MrDarkness]

I know If I die, my mother will be destroyed and not the same until her death, she will be broken that her youngest soon offed themselves. Sadly it's a price that needs to be paid for my death

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You're not alone with this stuff! Yes actually I also think about that, because it's just human to have grief about a loss among the closest family members. There will always be grief and a kind of pain and also suffering. And yes it makes (some of us) hesitate at some point.

Unfortunately the majority fo society isn't ready to accept suicide as a legal way out of unsolvable problems for some humans which are mainly caused by the society itself. This is the actual problem we have here and it also affects me in the one or another way.

I hope you can find peace!

 

[vitbar]

Yes and I'm unsure I can overcome it.

 

[loopdaloop]

Yes but I try to remind myself that exposure to a dead body isn't as bad as some make it out to be. Death is natural, normal and real. If the person that finds the body hasn't been exposed yet and is still squeamish around these things, it can actually help them get desensitized, be reminded of their own mortality and use their time more wisely. Nonetheless, the trauma and grief of those left behind are inescapable.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that I see it whether it's on our own terms or not, we all have to cease existing somewhere, someday, I see death as being the most normal thing and of course people die everyday.

And in my case whatever happens in this world after I'm gone could never be my concern as I simply won't exist, by that point I will finally be free and all will be forgotten about. If people get upset by the scene of a suicide then I believe that's the fault of this society for not legalising assisted suicide and making suicide into something so stigmatised where people have to plan to die in secrecy.

 

[enough of this]

Yeah, it's one of the things that keeps me from CTB this early.

 

[LadyOfLight]

I don't mind, with certain methods you look as if you were asleep and the person who finds me might think I had a stroke or along those lines, it won't affect them outside of a little shock I suppose. I mostly think about the life I could have had if I weren't in this situation and mourn the lost years and potential, but that is the only sad subject I think about.

 

[blue_muse]

I'm going to sound cold by saying no, I don't think of those left behind. Few give a damn about me alive, so I'm not about to consider their feelings for when I'm dead.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I think about it. Fortunately, I live alone with no friends or family close by- so- it will be the police that have to deal with the body. I do feel bad for them though. I intend to lay thick plastic down and put a note on the door warning them of what to expect. I even thought about leaving them some money- depending on what I have left by then. Still- there's probably some dumb law as to why they couldn't take it.

But- yeah- I can see why people choose to CTB in hotels. I would have thought the staff there actually would stop at a sign if it blocked the entrance and informed them to call the police. I think I would probably opt for that- if I lived with people.

 

[anhed0nia]

I think about this all the time. I worry about strangers who would find me and imagine elaborate ways to make my presence known without anyone innocent or unprepared having to actually see me. Most of my loved ones I just assume would get over it. I'm sure I'm being somewhat delusional but I can't help the feeling that they would be inconvenienced and annoyed at first, but ultimately it would be a blessing not to have to deal with me anymore. When a dear friend of mine took her own life, I felt like I was the only one whose main reaction wasn't anger and resentment; of course people were also sad, but I felt sorry for her that everyone was so insulted and that no one seemed to think, boy she must have been in a lot of pain, good thing it's over. My main reason for not escalating a plan of my own is that I'm married. It's like, I formally promised this person that I'm going to be around, so now I really have to stick around, and I'm not allowed to do what I sometimes feel like I will have to do eventually. Maybe I'm just making excuses. And maybe it's a good excuse, I don't know.

 

[Misfit72]

It's very understandable u feel that way. I don't care about my parents or siblings, but I have 2 nieces that I genuinely love, and the thought of their mother having to explain why uncle can't play anymore destroys me

You took the words out of my mouth. While I don't care about my younger brother, if he takes my death badly, which he will do to some extent as he'll have to deal with the aftermath as my kith and kin, it'll have a knock on effect on my nieces. The reason why I've ruled out suicide on the anniversary of my mother's death is because it's so close to my eldest niece's birthday.

 

[Ashu]

Always.

 

[saddestbunny]

I wish my brother wouldn't have to deal with my death my heart breaks for him if I go I don't want him to feel pain but I just don't want to be here so badly I hope he will understand but I know it'll be so hard or impossible for him to

 

[enough of this]

I wish my brother wouldn't have to deal with my death my heart breaks for him if I go I don't want him to feel pain but I just don't want to be here so badly I hope he will understand but I know it'll be so hard or impossible for him to

I'm the same way about my brother. He's the only brother I have left. Our two younger brothers have already died. I know my death will hurt him a lot. It's one of the only reasons I'm still hanging on.

 

[FindingHome]

I used to but not anymore. The people that I thought about are no longer in my life. I am greatful they no longer are so that I can CTB without anyone guilt tripping me.

 

[NightshadeDreamer]

I think it's normal to think about who you will be leaving behind. I think about it a lot, and I know a small few will miss me immensely. But the ones that matter will get my life insurance. I find comfort in knowing that they will not be left the full cost of my death as well as financially be able to do things they couldn't before without that money. I see my death as a sacrifice in some way and that's how I get past it.

 

[ChronicPain23]

I don't care about those Left Behind. They will feel God's wrath during the 7 yr tribulation.

How long until that happens? :(

 

[Prime0]

No since my parents are one of the reasons why I want to die.

 

[.seethroughme.]

Only for my best friend. He's the only person that really cares about me, but I feel like a burden to him.

 

[CH349]

I think the biggest thing keeping me from CTB is the friends and family I have. Imagining my friend knocking on my door only to find my dead corpse, or how my little sister would feel hearing the news breaks my heart.

 

[fedupwithlife]

I don't mind, with certain methods you look as if you were asleep and the person who finds me might think I had a stroke or along those lines, it won't affect them outside of a little shock I suppose. I mostly think about the life I could have had if I weren't in this situation and mourn the lost years and potential, but that is the only sad subject I think about.

Like what methods

 

[KarmicRain]

my parents are the only reason i haven't offed myself.
There's so little left i care about but I can't find it in me to let go of them: i can't stop caring.
I know if I died they'd never be the same so i'm still here. existing just because.

 

[Professor K]

In the end we live for others and die for ourselves.
If society could look at death, and especially suicide, neutrally and not in an overly tragic way, then all of this wouldn't be a problem.
I know my father and my friends view death as a natural occuring and aren't going to remain traumatized for the rest of their lives.
My mother sees it as the end of the world and the most tragic thing ever...
I've always felt like I had to feel and act extremely depressed when somebody dies.
For me, the way I experience it, death is not sad, it just feels odd and reminds us that life is fragile, that one day we'll die too.
I just spent some time thinking and processing this but I'm not sad.
It all depends on one's perspective and values as well as the overall context I presume.

 

[yellowroses]

Yeah, honestly that's why my ideal method would look like an accident. When it's my time to catch the bus I'll probably schedule a message to go out to someone who can call 911 a few hours after I would be dead, so that way the authorities can remove my body before my husband gets home. It's tricky though, to make sure the timing would be right.

I think it's normal to think about who you will be leaving behind. I think about it a lot, and I know a small few will miss me immensely. But the ones that matter will get my life insurance. I find comfort in knowing that they will not be left the full cost of my death as well as financially be able to do things they couldn't before without that money. I see my death as a sacrifice in some way and that's how I get past it.

Doesn't life insurance not pay out if the death is ruled a suicide?

 

[Ambivalent1]

How long until that happens? :(

I don't know

 

[Nlis2244]

I think about it, more now than a couple of years ago. When i'll die i know that my mum and my grandparents will be devastated, and i feel bad about that. So i cope by remembering that their suffering is meaningless in the grand scheme of the universe. We will all be forgotten, so at least i can suffer less by ending it now. As for the place of my suicide, i will do it outside home, so they won't be the ones to find me. Still, i feel bad for what they will experience when i disappear and am found dead.

 

[ringo99]

My mom is my only concern. Dad can go to hell. The only reason I'm postponing ctb to next year is because I want to set things up so she'll be financially secure once I'm gone.