Do you ever find some nights that "This is it! I can't take it anymore!" but then you go to sleep and the next day you've found that you've adapted?

[Ambivalent1]

How do people ctb if things are only bad enough to do it for a brief time? It's like a small window that appears every so often.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Yer its odd you say this because I kinda feel the same some of the time and you almost hate yourself for adapting and accepting your losses.

It's good to realize though that if I do it, I need to stay up and then drive to the location in the early morning. Can't be sleeping because the feeling of "this is unbearable" will fade.

Yer its odd you say this because I kinda feel the same some of the time and you almost hate yourself for adapting and accepting your losses.

It's good to realize though that if I do it, I need to stay up and then drive to the location in the early morning. Can't be sleeping because the feeling of "this is unbearable" will fade.

Yer its odd you say this because I kinda feel the same some of the time and you almost hate yourself for adapting and accepting your losses.

It's good to realize though that if I do it, I need to stay up and then drive to the location in the early morning. Can't be sleeping because the feeling of "this is unbearable" will fade.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Sort of. It never really feels like I've adapted, more likely I'm still in the same situation I was before I slept and sleep was just a nice but temporary distraction from that.

 

[mortuarymary]

All the time. Sleep is a great healer.

 

[GroundControl]

Unfortunately, yes. As someone with BPD, these short windows often cause me great pain in the long run. I always think I'm fine when it's over, but eventually things get bad again - and the cycle repeats. That's why I'm going to intentionally trigger myself before CTB. It won't leave room for hesitation.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Unfortunately, yes. As someone with BPD, these short windows often cause me great pain in the long run. I always think I'm fine when it's over, but eventually things get bad again - and the cycle repeats. That's why I'm going to intentionally trigger myself before CTB. It won't leave room for hesitation.

Our own revolving door in Hell. We get a reprieve and then it's right back in. Reminds me of those crying/yelling rooms some companies have for overwhelmed employees.

 

[thegoldengirls]

No, I have fleeting moments of feeling OK, but when I'm not OK, I'm severely depressed. The only time I'm at peace is when I'm sleeping.
So, for me that's a terrible existence. Especially if the best for me is just "ok."
But I'm glad for others that feel better after resting.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

If "adapting" means setting 6 different alarm clocks, then waking up in disappointment to realize that I have to spend another day as a miserable coward POS that that is too afraid to get on the bus, then yes... I have been adapting.

 

[ReadyOrNot?]

No, I usually notice afterwards if I had a good or a bad time the following weeks. It's difficult for me to tell how I am. I have days I wake up, as if I was in a trance for 2 weeks or so. I remember what I did, I was conscious, but everything was surreal. This might be just me and a undiagnosed ptsd symptom.

 

[Ambivalent1]

If "adapting" means setting 6 different alarm clocks, then waking up in disappointment to realize that I have to spend another day as a miserable coward POS that that is too afraid to get on the bus, then yes... I have been adapting.

Why so many clox?

No, I usually notice afterwards if I had a good or a bad time the following weeks. It's difficult for me to tell how I am. I have days I wake up, as if I was in a trance for 2 weeks or so. I remember what I did, I was conscious, but everything was surreal. This might be just me and a undiagnosed ptsd symptom.

Dissociation

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Why so many clox?

I have to stagger the disappointment of having to wake up and face this shitty life.

 

[sanction]

Happens all the time. But of course its not that black and white. Its very complicated feeling. Don't know how to explain

Its really torture to be like this. Constantly rotating between wanting to live, and wanting to die. Will eventually go crazy like this

 

[onbekend]

It used to be like that for me. It wasn't until I took a step back and realized how bad of a situation I am living in that I stopped feeling anything other than an urge to die before it's too late.

 

[Nofuture1234]

How do people ctb if things are only bad enough to do it for a brief time? It's like a small window that appears every so often.

Every day I still wake up and I fucking hate it so fucking much. Our bodies and instincts force us to adapt to any situation no matter how awful, just to stay alive. I hate it so much. My logical brain knows, I am better off dead, infinite sleep would be as close to bliss I could possibly obtain, and yet the idea of jumping off a freeway bridge still terrifies me. My problems could all be over for just 5 seconds of pain but I just can't do it.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Every day I still wake up and I fucking hate it so fucking much. Our bodies and instincts force us to adapt to any situation no matter how awful, just to stay alive. I hate it so much. My logical brain knows, I am better off dead, infinite sleep would be as close to bliss I could possibly obtain, and yet the idea of jumping off a freeway bridge still terrifies me. My problems could all be over for just 5 seconds of pain but I just can't do it.

What do you predict will be the last straw?