do you ever feel like you were doomed from the start?

[d4zaidead]

ive always thought that from the very beginning of my life, things have always been especially inconvenient, way too inconvenient for it to not have been done on purpose (by God? the universe? whatever cosmic entity is messing with my life.) its like i was just destined to fail. i really cant see how i couldve ever turned out any different with the circumstances that i was born into, i cant see how i couldve bloomed into anything better or happier than this. was i just set up for failure?
being born into this world feels like being tossed into a lake full of hungry crocodiles and being expected to somehow make it out alive.

 

[Darkover]

yes the room full of toys is nice but throw in some snakes and it's not worth the risk
i was doomed from the very start terrible parents cause life long damaged to my teeth and left shoulder plus my sister was giving weed from age 11

 

[Unhumanly.]

Yes, but maybe because of lack of support and resources I failed to realize it way earlier

Why I think I'm doomed from earlier is because something inside myself I have tried to control and adapt, but just can't to,
and what is it? it's my communication disability, to read situation,emotion and body language, I have this problem from the very start but realize it way later,
this condition make me tend to screw up every connection I made with people, it made me tend to be over anxious and very indecisive which make me somewhat unable to be fully responsible to people

And connection is something I see as what contribute for life fulfilment, it is what can guarantee a future
because with a meaningful connection is how i can get something from people that can benefit me, at some occasion where I'm faced with problem where I can't just control or help it myself
But because of the condition I just mentioned earlier.. I'm doomed for

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, as of course I was unfortunate enough to be burdened with the ability to exist. It's undeniable that existence is just so cruel and harmful, it's criminal to me cursing one with the potential to suffer so extremely with no straightforward way to die. More than anything I wish I never existed, only nothingness, the permanent absence of suffering is desirable to me, wanting to die is all that feels rational.

 

[Zegers]

I also have that feeling, i was cursed or whatever. Hope that everything will be sorted out on the way out.

 

[d4zaidead]

And connection is something I see as what contribute for life fulfilment, it is what can guarantee a future
because with a meaningful connection is how i can get something from people that can benefit me, at some occasion where I'm faced with problem where I can't just control or help it myself
But because of the condition I just mentioned earlier.. I'm doomed for

oh yeah i get what you mean, i relate to this a lot. i think human connection is really important to me and it makes my life easier sometimes, especially during those circumstances you mentioned. though i can't seem to be able to keep a true bond going for the life of me. communicating is hard and it feels like a chore trying to keep up with humans, as soon as i get too close to creating something true with someone i get this intense urge to draw back and just run away. i take one step forward and fall 20 steps back.
hope it gets easier.

I also have that feeling, i was cursed or whatever. Hope that everything will be sorted out on the way out.

a curse is the best way to describe it

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Yes, something I've been fully acknowledging lately is that I wasn't raised to live and overtly and covertly was constantly told I didn't have a right to and no one wanted me to live.

 

[Archness]

Yeah, seems like from the start. there wasn't gonna be much left for me. Always that feeling, since childhood even.

Now, I see I was right. Maybe if I focused on "my future"" things might be a little better, but it won't help that society and life in general is a borderline scam.

 

[cutecats12]

Actually,yes...
Ever since my birth,i felt like i was cursed,that everything i tried was in vain,like if i was born just as entertainment to god,as he sees me trying to cope with literal the worst kinda of shit he could think of,it pisses me off so much thinking of that jfc,life is unfair af and hopelessness is the worst thing ever,i tried to think it was just a phase or some type of thing like that but no,it'll never get better,feels like god hates some of us since we're born.

 

[Lullaby]

Yeah. I hate to feel sorry for myself because I know people go through much worse and overcome their circumstances.

Mental illness runs in my family. My dad has PTSD and was a drug addicted, alcoholic. My mom was/is super toxic with anger issues. I pretty much grew up in a super, super violent household.

Got bullied when I was younger, had no support system or anyone I felt safe around. It felt like everything was against me the minute I was born, and it sucks.

 

[Duality]

Yes, absolutely. I was surrounded with poverty, absentee parents, and violence. The likelihood of a half decent future was way out of reach, and remains so for many in that neighborhood. There was no such thing as mental health care, because there was no time to dwell on it.

I can't help but feel that if I were born to richer parents, I wouldn't feel so much this way. I think I'd still advocate for suicide being a personal choice, but I likely wouldn't feel depressed so much of the time.

 

[Death is my goal]

when i look back, for sure

 

[LostVirtue]

Yes. Just by bad luck in both life experiences and genetics fucked most of it up from the start. If there was a way to re-live my life most of it would probably turn bad the same way it did this time.

 

[haibane]

Definitely, and i completely accept that my life is since the beginning an complete mistake. Even my parent told me that i was an errors so i had to accept it anyway. I believe thats life is just not for everyone.

 

[brainr0t]

its a feeling that i constantly am overwhelmed with. i try to ignore it but its impossible for me to when it feels like my life is almost comically always experiencing some type of hardship or trauma. it almost feels like im being tested to just do it or be led to it. im always told im weak for feeling this way but it feels comforting knowing other people feel this way and im not the only one

 

[HollowDrop]

I do think I never had a chance. So much went wrong in my childhood to permanently damage me beyond repair just because I was socially awkward and liked nerd things. I wasn't like the "normal" kids so I was treated like I was some creature to be kicked around. Trying to live with the mental aftermath and my inner demons is hell on earth.

 

[R_N]

My first decade was pretty rough so yeah.

Not much later I had things happening to me again, taking away bearable life I could have been living, like some cruel joke. Giving you glimpse of good and then snatching it away again and again and again.

 

[Heading to Darkness]

ive always thought that from the very beginning of my life, things have always been especially inconvenient, way too inconvenient for it to not have been done on purpose (by God? the universe? whatever cosmic entity is messing with my life.) its like i was just destined to fail. i really cant see how i couldve ever turned out any different with the circumstances that i was born into, i cant see how i couldve bloomed into anything better or happier than this. was i just set up for failure?
being born into this world feels like being tossed into a lake full of hungry crocodiles and being expected to somehow make it out alive.

Hi
I have believed from a very early age that my life would end early, by my own hand. I can't explain why i had a decent upbringing and wanted for little if anything I was overloved by my mother.
As the years went on something inside me told me i would not live past 35 so i really got used to that and when at around 30 years i became 'depressed' i did try and take my life, I was happy to go, but i was inexperienced and failed, but ended yup in hospital. Since then I have just worked at earning enough money to bring the kids up (as an absent father, meaning i did not live with them but had regular access) but always knew death was inevitable. Oh the medics kept trying to tell me it was a chemical inbalance etc and kept throwing drugs down me Everytime suicide is mentioned they guilt tripped with statistics on the effect on family etc. or threatened hospitalisation, so of course i just say'i'm fine' so they just keep passing the drugs and satisfy themselves they have done a good job.
I know know i will ctb in November, I've not finalised the exact day, but around 20th. I have started a video blog on a day to day basis so everyone who wants to can see i am of sound mind and I've just had enough of this light and just want to rest in the dark.
So I've come to peace and am happy with my decision. I can only advise you from my experience is to look back and try and figure your place in the world, which is not a good place for many of us. Only then can people decide on their own futures, whatever they wish for.

 

[SmollMushroom]

Yes.
But the more I go on, the more it seems to me that I'm just unfit to live.
Maybe it's Darwinism: survival of the fittest.
Don't get me wrong, life treated me like shit. But there's people who still show more strength than me even in more difficult situations.
Probably I'm just a weak, and this world/society is not meant for weak people.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

ive always thought that from the very beginning of my life, things have always been especially inconvenient, way too inconvenient for it to not have been done on purpose (by God? the universe? whatever cosmic entity is messing with my life.) its like i was just destined to fail. i really cant see how i couldve ever turned out any different with the circumstances that i was born into, i cant see how i couldve bloomed into anything better or happier than this. was i just set up for failure?
being born into this world feels like being tossed into a lake full of hungry crocodiles and being expected to somehow make it out alive.

Yes. Emotionally abusive/neglectful parents, an avoidant attachment style, and social difficulties. I remember being 8 years old and wanting to die. Nothing has changed despite desperately trying to improve myself. I don't think anything could have changed how things turned out

 

[callme]

Yes.
But the more I go on, the more it seems to me that I'm just unfit to live.
Maybe it's Darwinism: survival of the fittest.
Don't get me wrong, life treated me like shit. But there's people who still show more strength than me even in more difficult situations.
Probably I'm just a weak, and this world/society is not meant for weak people.

Science today has drifted towards rather challenging Darwin's theory than drawing upon it or confirming it. Learned adaptation it's called I think, more of a survival of those who adapt.

Who are the fittest? The richest ones, the strongest, the smartest? None of those survive because of their characteristic alone. I think it gets even more compicated when they are considered as part of society and the "exchange" between humans.

Meanwhile, valuable qualities in humans vary between cultures and centuries as well.

It's probably that you can't adapt and don't as to why you think yourself as weak. Personally, I have repeated your whole sentiment in my head a hundred times, word for word which is what urges me to give an alternative, unadaptable instead of weak. Maybe it won't change your situation, but it helps not fixate on a perceived fault of yours and bring you down more and more over a perceived truth, but is not true otherwise (the science involved too).

For all the reasons and faults that bring you to end your life, I hope you can consider one less. At last, it comes as advice from somebody who hasn't (so maybe others will).

 

[greebo6]

Yes, absolutely. I was destined for being what I am and how I have had to exist . Always and forever .

 

[Hunter2005]

Yeah. I hate to feel sorry for myself because I know people go through much worse and overcome their circumstances.

Mental illness runs in my family. My dad has PTSD and was a drug addicted, alcoholic. My mom was/is super toxic with anger issues. I pretty much grew up in a super, super violent household.

Got bullied when I was younger, had no support system or anyone I felt safe around. It felt like everything was against me the minute I was born, and it sucks.

Same It's like we living the same life, I have no energy to continue this shit. I spent my whole 20s trying to heal from this shit.