Discussion Do you believe in femceldom?

[DynahWAY]

I am very, very new to the forum, so I'm sorry if I come across as weird. But I'm trying to get used to posting.

I wanted to talk about inceldom, specifically femceldom. I identify as an incel, specifically a femcel (since I'm a woman). I feel like I shouldn't have to identify as a femcel because incel is unisex, but incels are very, VERY adverse to the idea of a woman like them.

'Femcel is an oxymoron.'
'Femcels forgetting to be celibate.'

As a femcel, reading comments like that is so hilarious because...I'm a virgin! I have never had a boyfriend, but I guess I'm a bit of a fakecel. I've experimented a lot with my identify. I used to think I was a lot of things, specifically gay, and I had a lot of success with girls (nothing sexual, especially since I was young (in elementary/middle school) and a lot of the relationships were online). But I don't want a girlfriend. I want a boyfriend.
- And I've seen incels do the same thing on dating apps. They set their preference for women and have no success. Then they change their preference to men and have a bunch of success. But that's a different conversation, I guess.

Every experience I've had with boys/men has been abysmal. Online. IRL. When I was younger. As I got older. I have always been made fun of for being ugly. And I find it to be so funny because men, especially incels, claim to be dogs; say they'll settle for anything. But I confessed to an incel and he rejected me, too!

Right now, I'm laughing, but later, I'll cry. Still, I don't have an issue with incels. I don't beef with incels like incels beef with femcels. I don't know if being an ugly man is harder than being an ugly woman or vice versa. I empathize with all ugly people.

It's hard being ugly in general! So...do you believe in femceldom?

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Yeah, though tbh I have personally always considered "incelness" as generally less about looks and more about personality. Though this may just be my way of telling myself that I'm not ugly despite not having much luck with relationships.

For context, I am a guy, and while I guess I technically fit the definition of incel I do not identify as one, nor do I buy in to the "stereotypical incel beliefs".

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I do believe in femceldom being a thing, though I'm not a femcel. The femcel community, based on my limited knowledge of them, seems to be very different from many incel communities. There doesn't seem to be the same level of sexism and blame that is typically seen in incel spaces. Instead, most critiques seem to mostly be in reference to societal beauty standards instead. The communities still seem to be toxic but to a much lesser degree in comparison to most incel spaces.

I do feel like a lot of the differences between the two reflect the difference in how men and women are socialized from a young age. Men are encouraged to externalize their problems while women generally are encouraged to internalize their problems. As a result, you have one side that lashes out at women, going as far as to commit hate crimes against them, while the other side doesn't do much outside of discussing how their issues with getting men to make them feel like there is something wrong with them. They tend to put a lot of the blame on themselves.

The sense of entitlement typically found in incel communities is not as prevalent in femcel communities. Femcel communities can even be positive sometimes, with women supporting women and even congratulating those who do eventually go on to find a partner. They are still toxic, but there are a lot more positive aspects of those communities in comparison to the incredibly destructive atmosphere of most incel spaces. I find it easier to sympathize with femcels for this reason.

Here is some stuff I found written on them

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-modern-heart/202211/how-do-femcels-and-incels-differ%3famp

What are femcels?

Growing community at odds with male incel movement and its connection to violence

theweek.com

Edit: I just read a very interesting study looking at femcels.

Here's the link if anyone wants to read it:

Femcel Discussions of Sex, Frustration, Power, and Revenge - PubMed

Although male incels have received a great deal of scholarly attention in recent years, there has been almost no research on femcels (involuntarily celibate women). After collecting data from more than 24,000 femcel posts, we drew from a recently developed sexual frustration theory and conducted...

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

A lot of femcel ideology seems to border into radfem territory, with many being misandrists. Men are generalized in a very negative light, similar to what is seen in many incel communities, but aggression against men isn't as encouraged. There also seems to be more talk about issues regarding the patriarchy, women's safety, power, beauty standards, etc.

Here are two quotes from where they compare incels and femcels.

Spoiler: incels vs femcels

In terms of our second research question about what the recurring themes would be on these subjects, femcels' posts contained significantly less support for aggression, violence, and crime than what has been reported about male incels. There were powerful and notable exceptions: the femcels we studied referenced anger, hatred, and The Dark Triad—along with desires to throw objects, fight, get revenge, lure men, enslave them, murder them, and wipe them out. However, as discussed earlier, only a small proportion of all posts we analyzed mentioned revenge—and less than half of those focused on revenge by women. In addition, only 2% of all posts focused on women and sex were discussions of women committing sexual misconduct, and those were mostly condemnations by femcels, not their support of such crimes. By contrast, research on male incels has found that 89% of their posts about rape indicated they supported it (Center for Countering Digital Hate, 2022).

Furthermore, while a common theme in femcels' discussions of men's power was their physical strength and violence, femcels' discussions of women's power primarily focused on gaining power through legal means (e.g., self-improvement, group mobilization, or challenging the patriarchy in nonviolent ways).

 

[misatosdiary]

Simply, to answer your question; no. I hope I don't come across as mean, as our opinions on this is are not the same. Incels are often seen being antifeministic, hateful and having an extreme attitude. I never thought of incels just purely rejecting the new, free, woman, I'm pretty sure they spread hate towards all women. I fear I will get a lot of hate saying this, as this site has a connection to Incels, but with a Peer Support thread for women we probably have both point of views stated here. One question; why are you an incel? Do you generally display a rather hateful attitude towards women (especially those who do not submit to a man..) or is it you agree with most of the Manosphere's opinions? Or is it you want to get laid by them? (I know I sound harsh but it's just from my perception like that) Lastly.. aren't you kind of backfiring on yourself and all women by being an incel yourself? Also, is your view on incels different as you experienced them from the inside of the forum? Do you think that plays a role?

 

[AuroraB]

InCel- involuntarily celibate. Yup. After being married and in very LTRs for decades, I've had sex one single time in over 6 years and that was lame. So yup, femcel. Just haven't met anyone I'd be willing to choose to risk having sex with (STDs, cheating, emotional drama, blah blah) and hookups aren't for people my age. I'm still very much willing and able if I could find the right person. And in truth, at this age, I'm not willing to settle for less-than ideal (meaning he would have to be actually single, monogamous, not a porn user, at least vegetarian if not vegan, over 50, financially secure and not living with his roommates/ parents, job, squeaky clean hygiene and drug/booze/cig free and also cat-free cuz I'm allergic). LOL. So this means I'll never find the right guy. In a youth/beauty/porn obsessed culture, it's really a bummer to still be healthy and cute enough for my age yet unable to find a reasonable partner.

 

[Privateer2368]

Bitter, petty, man-hating women who can't get laid?

Definitely a real thing.

 

[UnluckyBastard]

No. Women's standards are extremely high. Purposefully having high standards is literally quite the opposite of inceldom in every possible context.

 

[soledad.virgen]

femcels can be involuntarily celibate but like 98% can have relationships/s*x but are just unhappy with what they get. I think that's why the term isn't taken seriously whereas a lot involuntarily celibate men can be genuinely unpleasant people. but i guess you can also say a lot of those are just unhappy with what they can get, because many incels will only settle for a super hot girl who is simultaneously chaste yet an object for their lewd desires. perhaps the terms are just not very useful anymore. i think the discourse around the loneliness epidemic, online dating, gender relations, toxic masculinity, etc. has been poisoned and inflamed by dumb culture war nonsense.

 

[AuroraB]

Bitter, petty, man-hating women who can't get laid?

Definitely a real thing.

Yup. And the older we get, the more bitter and jaded we become.