Do you anticipate feeling regret and other obstacle-like emotions at the moment you end it all?

[Ambivalent1]

I'm worried that during my journey to whatever bridge I pick that I'll be hounded by thoughts and feelings that will prevent my bus ride to the Rainbow bridge where all animals go.

I think I'll buy a bear and strap him in the passenger seat to feel less alone. I wonder what the response would be when my car is discovered and there's a bear in the passenger seat with a seatbelt on. They'll probably arrest him.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Yes it's very likely that survival instinct will kick in for me. Even the very factors of laziness and fear that have pushed me to want to CTB in the first place are working against that path by hindering my actual plans and creating distractions for myself. If I work on them bit by bit though I may be able to push myself into a situation where I have no choice though.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Judging based off my past experiences, no (other than biological SI obviously). I will only feel certainty, readiness, and relief.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Yes it's very likely that survival instinct will kick in for me. Even the very factors of laziness and fear that have pushed me to want to CTB in the first place are working against that path by hindering my actual plans and creating distractions for myself. If I work on them bit by bit though I may be able to push myself into a situation where I have no choice though.

Everything is a hindrance. Watching porn or seeing someone attractive in public awakens the desire for sex making ctb more difficult or suddenly desiring connection and being tormented by it prompting you to go find it and not ctb. Terrible

 

[SilverTiger]

I admire you for choosing falling, choosing to do it with a bear only makes me admire it more. You are brave, Ambivalent.

I plan a more instant method, I want to make videos of my notes and last moments for the two boys closest to me in this life. My partner and my best friend.

I don't know what the future holds, but I have some ideas. In my final moments I'll think of my partner, and what will happen to him. I will probably be shaking and unsteady as I know my method works, there is no coming back, and stepping into the bath or whenever I do it, I will be tearing up... But it is just my biology playing tricks on me, my spirit wants this.

I need to silence my thoughts, and my biology... Perhaps I will just "do it" sing and dance to some songs, drink some fine wine and then go into the bathroom sit in the bath and never get up again.

 

[Forveleth]

My previous attempt I felt a little SI but mostly I felt very ready to go and a small sense of relief at impending peace. I mostly just felt like "Ok, let's do this."

 

[justwannadip]

Since I suffer from high anxiety and OCD too, I'll likely "doubt" and feel anxious about it when the time comes. I hope my bpd and depression side can override it though

 

[theboy]

Yes

 

[EmptyHeaded]

No. I don't think I have enough of an attachment to life to actually feel any negative emotions once I ctb.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I admire you for choosing falling, choosing to do it with a bear only makes me admire it more. You are brave, Ambivalent.

I plan a more instant method, I want to make videos of my notes and last moments for the two boys closest to me in this life. My partner and my best friend.

I don't know what the future holds, but I have some ideas. In my final moments I'll think of my partner, and what will happen to him. I will probably be shaking and unsteady as I know my method works, there is no coming back, and stepping into the bath or whenever I do it, I will be tearing up... But it is just my biology playing tricks on me, my spirit wants this.

I need to silence my thoughts, and my biology... Perhaps I will just "do it" sing and dance to some songs, drink some fine wine and then go into the bathroom sit in the bath and never get up again.

I thought you were quoting someone at first lol.
Yes, it's our biology playing tricks. I should write that on my arm on that day to remind me when the opposing thoughts kick in.

 

[Edpal247]

Absolutely.

 

[lunar echo]

definitely